Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Turning Tavern - does it still exist?

(139 Posts)
WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 07:11:48

Following a search I discovered a set of zombie threads about the Turning Tavern - I think it may be my Mumsnet home. Is there a current one?!

BedknobsandBullhooks Tue 13-Sep-16 11:30:10

I don't think it does. sad

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 14:20:09

shame. Thank you.

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 14:21:30

Anyone interested in joining in a renewed Turning Tavern thread? I could really do with talking/listening to people in the same sort of unexpected situation....but I'll go and have a read of the old threads!

Resettingmyapp Tue 13-Sep-16 14:26:40

Nope but what is it you want to ask/talk about?

I came out as bi only this year (late 30s) and had my first relationship with a woman. It been a hell of a year wink We have broken up since, now I'm being asked out by men again but I don't have much interest despite still liking them, I'm more attracted to women at this present time but have no idea how to go about it

Resettingmyapp Tue 13-Sep-16 14:28:14

X post, I mean nope it's not still going not nope to joining a new one

Terrifiedandregretful Tue 13-Sep-16 16:39:03

Id be interested. I'm very confused at the moment!

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 16:44:35

Haha! I won't take it personally...

I guess I'm just starting to realise who I am - maybe who I always was, or maybe who I am now although I'm not sure the distinction matters.
Basically I am late 30s, recentlyish divorced and have three young'uns. I've always had mild crushes on women but have never done anything apart from a couple of kisses at university. Recently however I have had a couple of really serious crushes - one a year or so ago that has gone, but over the last couple of months a serious one on a close friend. Nothing can and will happen there but it has made me realise that actually I don't want a relationship with a man, I'd like to explore these new feelings. But I don't know how! I never get time to go out anyway, so that's not really an option, and even when I meet someone I do like (which happened a few weekends ago) I just don't know how I'd ever broach the suggestion.
It's not that I want someone now now now but I'd like to know how to take the opportunity should it arise...if that makes sense.

A little confused and excited right now...

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 16:46:11

Hi Terrifiedandregretful <waves>.

Resettingmyapp Tue 13-Sep-16 17:18:00

Hi terrified smile

A lot of what you have said I can really relate to why. Retrospectively now I've accepted it I can see it was there in the background. Similar situations where I'd had crushes, kissed women in the past and maybe once or twice took it a little bit further but didn't think much of it.

Over the years I realised my feelings were gradually becoming stronger towards women until two years ago I had this thought that actually I think I'm bisexual.I remember googling 'bisexuality' and doing lots of stupid online quizes to see if they could tell me if I was or not grin Ridiculous really but I was so confused about it all. Honestly I still doubt myself at times but I've spoken to others and it seems pretty common to do that.

Would you be open to online dating? Meeting local groups? Any gay friends to set you up? It's so difficult to find the time I know as I have 2 los myself. I have no clue how on earth to go about meeting women now going forward. I really, really want to - much more than men though. It is very exciting however grin

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 18:27:47

I've sort of looked into online dating but come to the conclusion it's really not for me...I don't have enough time or energy to put into it really. I am about to start university; although as a much older student I'm not sure I want to play Mrs Robinson with 20yos of either/any gender!

You are right, it is exciting - a whole new world. I'm finding it slightly hard to put my friend to the back of my mind though, although I know I definitely need to blush

Resettingmyapp Tue 13-Sep-16 20:11:15

I think most of us confused types have been there with friends, natural I suppose when you are so close to someone and find their personality attractive too. Sometimes there are lines you just can't cross, it should pass given time.

Uni should have an LGBT group, I wouldn't rule it out for only having younger types, you might strike lucky smile

Bi visibility day is coming up on the 23rd Sept and I know a lot of bisexual groups are having meetups and events too on or close to the day. There isn't much goes on in my area but I'm part of my local bi group and they are a lovely inclusive bunch when they do arrange stuff. Doesn't matter how you label yourself, if you're only questioning, with someone of the opposite sex etc. I've marched with them this year a few times at various Prides, lots of them are a good bit younger than me but it's nice to be involved and I suppose I can't expect a woman to come knocking my door, I have to put myself out there in some way. Online dating isn't my cup of tea either.

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 21:20:40

Resetting thank you so much for your advice. You are right - the right she's not going to fall into my lap! I have wondered about the uni LGBT group; it feels quite scary because this is all so new, and I don't know much about who is accepted into these groups, iyswim? Because at this stage I don't have any experience, and am very much questioning (although becoming more sure by the week), it feels sort of weird to hi along. Plus doing it alone....

Bite the bullet! Do it! And all that...grin

BeMorePanda Tue 13-Sep-16 22:05:40

I think I may be "bi" - though I've never even kissed a woman. I've had a few crushes though.

I've mostly enjoyed sex with men, though I have very little interest in them emotionally. I find most straight men very lacking. I have some very strong male friendships. Just never emotion sex and friendship at the same time.

I do have great emotional connection with women and "get" them. No sexual experience with women though it does appeal. Not met anyone I fancy for a long time.

I can imagine myself in a relationship with a woman. I'm getting to the point where I really can't imagine myself in a relationship with a man.

To top it all off I'm 48, single parent with very little time. I do get EOW child free but don't have a clue where to take this.

I'm highly unlikely to do internet dating of any kind. I have lots of gay male friends, and many lesbian friends though none who live in this country (ie that I can socialise with). 2 of my very close friends from school are lesbians.

I remain single, unconnected and Confused grin. Lovely to meet you all.

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 22:42:44

Hi Panda - your situation sounds very like mine! I'm planning on going to our local(ish) LGBT centre on 23rd, they are having a bi visibility day thing (thanks Resetting for the tip-off!!). Is that an option for you if you want to explore more? It's terrifying and exciting in equal measures...

BeMorePanda Tue 13-Sep-16 22:50:49

I'm committed to something on 23rd. I am going to my first radical feminist meeting on the 24th though. I am making an effort to slowly meet new people. Many of my friends have left London recently which has created some social spaces - I can focus on meeting new people ok. Just not with a view on romance.

Great idea for 23rd though. Go you! I'm not sure I could go to a social event knowing no one - not so brave.

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 23:23:34

Since my H left I've had to do it quite a lot...getting used to it!

Good luck with your meetings. I hold on to the fact that the right person will appear at the right time. I hope it's true for you too.

WhyASpoon Tue 13-Sep-16 23:23:59

(Fact? Unlikely, Hope, I guess)

BeMorePanda Tue 13-Sep-16 23:36:24


I don't mind doing things by myself, but I tend to socialise within existing groups. I wouldn't choose to go somewhere I knew no one, and with limited social time anyway my social needs are easily met within my existing social framework.

But I do now have some space due to people moving away. And I am starting to think about being purposeful re meeting new people and doing new things.

And yes it is mildly terrifying isn't it? And exciting.

Resettingmyapp Wed 14-Sep-16 10:29:43

I do still have this vague hope she will knock on my door but considering I live in a small town, I'd say I have more likelihood of winning the lottery that I don't play Recently I've felt a bit sad that the chances of me meeting a woman I like and it developing into something is so slim. I have no clue about how to tell if a woman is straight or not, if she likes me and I'm useless at flirting too. I feel like a clueless teenager again.

Well done why, I'm impressed you've organised something already. You'll have to let us know how you get on. I wouldn't really worry about joining the LGBT group at uni, I don't think anyone checks your 'gay' credentials grin You could always go for the meet and greet and if it's not for you, well you gave it a whirl.

Hi panda, you so should try new things. I'm quite jealous you live in Lomdon with so much going on socially. The radical feminism sounds interesting, I occasionally ponder the feminism board here but they all seem far too clever and clued in for me grin I'm actually marching in a feminist womens rally that weekend too with the bi group.

I'm the opposite and have always formed more emotional bonds with men. I was chatting about that with my (male) best friend last year when I first told him and I think the reason is I've always felt slightly intimidated with women. He just laughed and said, I wonder why?

I worried about that at one stage, wondering if I was 'bi' enough but came across that definition that is commonly used by Robyn Ochs about it being attraction to more than one gender romantically and/or sexually; not necessarily in the same way, same time or to the same degree. That helped me a lot. Having had the whole girlfriend experience now though I do feel a lot more emotionally connected and open with women. We are pretty amazing smile

Terrifiedandregretful Wed 14-Sep-16 16:17:10

Lots of you sound very similar to me! I could have written half of these posts! Recently separated. I think I've always known inside I was bi but never really acknowledged it even to myself. I've tried online dating and had a couple of dates but nothing has come of them. I think I'm struggling with how to operate with women in a romantic/sexual way. I know how to 'pull' a man but with a woman I automatically put myself into the 'friend zone' and have no idea how to get out of that. Which then makes me wonder if I am really bi after all.... I also find I don't have the personality for serious online dating as people seem to expect responses straight away and long text conversations which just aren't my thing.

WhyASpoon Wed 14-Sep-16 16:30:38

Oh totally, Resetting - how on earth do we even start that conversation with a woman; how do we know if a woman is straight/gay given that many women are naturally more affectionate in friendships anyway? How do we not make a mistake?

And as for being brave - not so much. I wandered down to the LGBT centre today just to see where it is, tried the door and it didn't open immediately (although it said it was open) so I ran away! Literally blush. Serious twattage just there. Better luck next time, eh?!

Good point about the LGBT society. No harm in saying hi, I guess.

BeMorePanda Wed 14-Sep-16 16:55:05

tried the door and it didn't open immediately (although it said it was open) so I ran away! Literally blush

Spoon this made me laugh!!! I relate smile
Yes better luck next time - deep breaths!

WhyASpoon Wed 14-Sep-16 16:56:45

Baby steps....

BeMorePanda Wed 14-Sep-16 16:58:34

I occasionally ponder the feminism board here but they all seem far too clever and clued in for me

I used to feel a bit like that. I don't often post there (normally I'm on my phone and it is hard for me to be eloquent, thoughtful and reasoned using only thumbs), but I would say stick with it - you will learn so much from those boards. Some of the posters are really amazing. I have started threads there on issues I've been confused about/didn't 'get' and people have been really generous in explaining things and teaching me & linking to resources.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now