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Affair has ruined my life ..how to make it ok?

(46 Posts)
Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 14:38:54

I posted over a year ago and got a pretty bad reaction and I deserved it but I just wanted to give an update really and ask for advice.
My best friend of 13 years,well she was like my sister,we spoke daily and went out all the time.
Yes we had little arguments but nothing major.
I had a emotional affair with her brother that turned physical and me and her had never been the same since.
She forgave me and said I had been stupid but told her mum who also said I had been stupid but we were ok,I still went over for tea and a chat with her mum and would help her out with shopping etc.
It was fine it was brushed under the carpet.
Until 6 months later he (the brother) went to his mums alone on nye drunk and started talking about me,asking where I was and to get me over so we could talk.
They had guests and they were terrified he would spill Everything and her mum took him to one side and said she knew and to keep his mouth shut.
Later in the night my friend got drunk and made a comment about me (she admitted to me she slagged me off) and him being drunk punched her.
The first I heard about this was in the Feb.
She hadn't spoke to me since nye,she blamed me for him hitting her.
She forgave him but for seem reason I was the evil one.
I went to her mums we had a takeaway and drinks and had a good night.
A couple of months later I met someone but she wasn't happy for me,I could tell.
Our friendship wasn't the same.
She told me not to comment about my boyfriend on her Facebook.
She said she hated him getting drunk incase he brought it up with her again.
She then just blocked me on Facebook and her mum then she got other people to block me.
I know I made a massive massive mistake but I don't undestand how it all came to this.
They forgave me until he hit her,then she didn't want him to see me or hear me,they just wanted to totally erase me.
I'm no saint but it was a huge huge mistake.
I miss her,I miss how we were,I miss everything

hellsbellsmelons Mon 12-Sep-16 14:43:52

Drama drama drama
Back away from them and leave them to it.
Just get on with your own life with them out of it.
Like any relationship you will grieve for the end of it but you then get on with it.

WorzelsCornyBrows Mon 12-Sep-16 14:46:02

If she was slagging you off at NYE, it sounds like she didn't really forgive you. It would appear that they were all just looking for an excuse to cut you out of their lives.

I think you need to chalk this up to experience and move on. Women who get involved with married men will usually get blamed far more than the man, and will usually face worse consequences, especially from his family. It's not right, but it's the way it is. Move on, don't get involved with another married man. I don't know what you were expecting from his family.

Bloopbleep Mon 12-Sep-16 14:47:33

That's not a good friend. Walk away from the lot of them and don't look back. Enjoy the new relationship and find new friends. Be happy.

ImperialBlether Mon 12-Sep-16 14:47:48

Were you or he involved in other relationships at the time?

JE678 Mon 12-Sep-16 14:51:12

Here we go again. Is he back with his girlfriend and baby? Maybe distance is a good thing considering the back story and the fact you and he kept hooking up!

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 14:53:10

He was yes.
It was so stupid of me.
Looking back this year I can't even believe it was me who did it...I don't even know why and when I see him now I just don't feel anything.
I got caught up in it.
She said we were OK and we were till he punched her,she blamed me and I know she did.
His mum did forgive me to,we had nights in together after and she said she wouldn't of minded it we were both single.

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 14:54:29

I miss her,13 years friendship is hard to just get over.

HuskyLover1 Mon 12-Sep-16 14:55:04

Who was married? You or him? Or both?

The whole thing sounds dreadful to me. I'm guessing he is the married one, so he's a cheat and violent. Lovely Jubbly.

Back away from them all, they sounds like a whole bunch of bother to me.

THE DRAMA!! uugh.

JE678 Mon 12-Sep-16 14:55:48

Yes but it was your choice and your choice all the other times after it was 'over'. If you really want her back then you need to contact her, sincerely apologise and accept that it is up to her now.

MatildaTheCat Mon 12-Sep-16 14:59:03

Blood is thicker than water. You messed up and now you need to walk away and leave them all to it. Can't say it sounds as if you will be missing much. All a bit JK.

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 14:59:41

I apologised ..took her out for meals,drinks.
We went away for the weekend my treat and we had a good time.
She asked to borrow money and I lent her it.
I started doing her mums shopping for her,taking her to doctors apts to try and make amends.
He was the one in a relationship yes but he got away Scot free,he punched her yet he is forgiven.

CalmItKermitt Mon 12-Sep-16 15:02:20

Blimey. I think I remember you.
Did Jeremy Kyle ever get back to you?

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 15:02:35

It got to a point where she didn't want me to comment on Facebook incase he seen my name.
It was just ridiculous.
Maybe it's all been for the best.
It's hard tho because she was my best friend..I've never had a friend like that

JE678 Mon 12-Sep-16 15:28:48

Is he back with his girlfriend and baby? They're probably just prioritising their niece/nephew and rightly so.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 12-Sep-16 15:33:50

She sounds like a total user.
You wanted to make amends and she totally took advantage of that.
You are well rid.

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 15:35:44

He has never been split from her apart from when he stays at his mums when he is drunk or wants a break.

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 15:38:20

Me and him were well done.
My friend and her mum know this,they don't want him to even know I exsist anymore.
They know I wouldn't tell anyone,I wouldn't want anyone to know how stupid I was.
I'm with someone new and have been for months,my friend hated that I met someone I think.

Tearsneverdry Mon 12-Sep-16 17:10:47

I meant me and her brother were well over not me and the new guy

Lunar1 Mon 12-Sep-16 17:21:07

Just back away from the whole family.

Tearsneverdry Tue 13-Sep-16 08:14:03

Your right maybe it is for the best ..I don't think it was doing me any good still being friends.

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme Tue 13-Sep-16 08:18:09

What did you expect? That you would all play happy families? It dosnt work like that..you were always going to loose yr friend the second it started...move on

Tearsneverdry Tue 13-Sep-16 08:22:20

Everything was fine for months after between me and my friend and her mum.
It was only after he started bringing it up and getting violent with her that she became distant with me.
If it hadn't been for him not letting it go then we probably would of been ok.

benbry Tue 13-Sep-16 08:27:46

I'm sure that lots of us remember you well OP.

Move on now, you've burnt your bridges with the whole family. Get on with making a go of things with the new guy and make a new life for yourself. Cut out the drama, it's not good for you.
Good luck.

Offred Tue 13-Sep-16 08:42:57

Oh it's you again....

Losing this friendship is just something you are going to have to put up with I'm afraid.

Yes it is unfair that she has cut you out and not him but what you should be feeling is really glad that you are extricated from this unholy mess of a family and that you didn't get pregnant to him like his long suffering girlfriend.

Just move on with your life.

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