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Upset and confused

(45 Posts)
ijgyu Mon 12-Sep-16 11:00:26

Me and my DP have a very good close relationship. We have a 6month old. Last night I was absolutely shattered and when DS woke up at about 4am I was that tired I literally couldn't move so my partner got up to sort him out then came back in the bedroom and started screaming and shouting at me telling me I was a lazy fucking bitch etc. He then woke DS back up with his shouting and told me to go sort him, I said I'm not sorting him out when you have woken him up by shouting and told him not to talk to me like that. He then grabbed the baby monitor and turned the volume up to full and was pressing it into my head (guessing he thought doing his would get me up) (it sounds awful I didn't get up to my son, but I do it most nights and I was beyond shattered) he then went to see to DS. He then came back into the bedroom saying he could fucking kill me I said go on then, so he grabbed the pillow of the bed and was holding it down over my head whilst shaking me. He let go after about 20/30 seconds and kicked me then started calling me all sorts of names and saying he would ring the police. I lay there crying and eventually fell asleep. He is currently still in bed and hasn't bothered going to work. (It's his business so he can go in when ever)
He's never done anything like this before and I'm really upset he would do this.
I don't know if I should go talk to him when he wakes up as not to start anything but I also don't want to

pog100 Mon 12-Sep-16 11:04:09

hopefully a lot of useful advice will be along soon, but you can't just accept and/or appease this treatment. I would report it to the police, it is violent abuse, and make steps to separate.

IzzyIsBusy Mon 12-Sep-16 11:04:36

Oh christ!!!!

You need to call tbe police right now!!!

You need to go somewhere sade and take the baby with you.

IzzyIsBusy Mon 12-Sep-16 11:04:44


yoink Mon 12-Sep-16 11:10:46

Op you don't have a good, close relationship . This is serious abuse. You need to protect your baby and yourself and get out.

Please phone women's aid today.

Redorangeyellowgreenblue Mon 12-Sep-16 11:23:05

If he can lose his temper like that with you he can look it like that on his child. I would have been gone by the time he woke up. Don't let this go as it could get worse sad That's not acceptable behaviour and he needs to know you won't stand for it.

Redorangeyellowgreenblue Mon 12-Sep-16 11:23:54

Lose*not look xx

ddrmum Mon 12-Sep-16 11:26:47

Ring the police & report this. He has shown you how violent he can be without (what I consider to be) provocation. You need to ensure the safety of you & your DC. This is unlikely to be a one-off. Sorry you've had to go through this.

Iamdobby63 Mon 12-Sep-16 11:27:11

OP I hope you realise how bad his actions are. It doesn't matter that this is the first time, there should be a never time!

Do you want to be with someone who could snap like this? How can you trust he wouldn't get this angry and lose control with your baby?

BreatheDeep Mon 12-Sep-16 11:39:08

He tried to kill you and you're wondering if you should talk it through with him? I would be out that door in a shot, calling the police on the way. No way in hell would I give him another chance. It'd just be another chance to kill me.

pallasathena Mon 12-Sep-16 11:43:43

Are you aware that you are minimising his actions? He behaved in a manner that intimidated, abused, terrorised and assaulted you yet you claim to have a 'Very good close relationship'.
No, you have a nasty, abusive relationship with someone who isn't a decent human being and you need to face up to that.
For some reason, there's a cohort of modern men who haven't grown up, who feel oddly entitled, who can't cope with being asked to contribute to family life and whose partners spend their waking lives making excuses for them. He is one , you are one and if you can't see what is in front of your nose then there's nothing I or anyone else can say that will make any difference.
He's a bastard. Now, get yourself out of this relationship before even worse happens.

Ineededtonamechange Mon 12-Sep-16 11:46:22

Er. Go now...

Regardless of how tired you both are, and how ratty people get when they are tired, this is a whole other level. This is abuse and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

Parenting is challenging and if he is abusing you 6 months in you need to leave now.It won't get better. It will get worse.

If he was smothering you when he was in with you, what could he have done to your DS?

ManaFleet Mon 12-Sep-16 11:48:01

This will sound completely mad but... Was he actually awake? I promise that I am not condoning what has happened and obviously you MUST leave now and get somewhere safe with your baby. However, there are cases of people behaving horrendously in their sleep and remembering nothing when they wake up. If it's really as completely out of character as you say, is it worth consideting?

I repeat though, GET OUT while you consider it.

ImperialBlether Mon 12-Sep-16 11:50:52

What the hell was HE going to call the police about?

I can't believe he's never shown any sign of a temper before. He tried to smother you, ffs! How long have you been together?

MadisonMontgomery Mon 12-Sep-16 11:52:00

You need to leave! If he can try to kill you, what's to say he won't actually go through with it next time? Do you have family you could go to?

magoria Mon 12-Sep-16 11:53:33


Your 6 month old DS could have been left motherless last night with a father in jail for her murder.

This is not an over reaction and you cannot talk this out with him.

Monochromecat Mon 12-Sep-16 11:53:34

Am I understanding this right, he had gone from 'very good close relationship' to this, completely out of the blue?? In which case if you and your child are ok, is he ok? I would be wondering if he is physically ok - has something happened?

crayfish Mon 12-Sep-16 11:55:52

Good god. Calling the police would not be an under-reaction. So this was completely out of the blue? Has he ever spoken to you like that before or done anything like that before?

Either way, my relationship would be over if DH did that to me and I think yours should be too.

crayfish Mon 12-Sep-16 11:56:02

Over reaction sorry!

Rockingaround Mon 12-Sep-16 11:56:49

Jesus. That is so awful, I can't imagine going through that. This is only the beginning. I would pack a suitcase and a travel cot and go to my mums, even tho she lives 300miles away. Where can you go? Just go today. When you're there you can think clearly as you must be feeling so anxious, scared and worried now. flowers is he awake yet? Go before he gets up xxx

BeMorePanda Mon 12-Sep-16 12:01:00

that is not OK at all and not a good relationship.
He came very close to killing you last night.
What a shock - so sorry OP.

Please ring the police and report this incident. You need to get away from him. This might be the first incident but it will not be the last.

2 women every week are killed by an intimate partner (or former partner) in England/Wales. Please protect yourself and your child.

BeMorePanda Mon 12-Sep-16 12:04:25

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him - why would you? It could well be dangerous. It would be perfectly understandable if you never talked to him again.

ijgyu Mon 12-Sep-16 12:06:29

Thank for all of your advice. I'm at my friends house. I feel sick with worry and wondering why he did this. To pp he was well and truly awake but I can understand what your saying.
I've checked his iPhone location and he's at work now so I'm going back home for a while. He has said things to me before (name calling when we've had an argument before) but this was completely out of the blue. He was apparently going to call the police to get me sectioned! Cause I wouldn't wake up. I want to phone the police but I'm scared too, what if he turns it round? What if I lose my son? I know the right thing to do I'm just scared I don't have anywhere to live (I'm not working ATM and he's giving me money as I have no income ATM. We also aren't entitled to tax credits etc due to his earnings) is there anything I can do?

BeMorePanda Mon 12-Sep-16 12:11:31

He won't be able to turn it around.
Expecting your P to take a turn settling the baby is all perfectly normal.
You will no lose your son.

You can also call Womens Aid but you really should just go to the police now.
Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge
0808 2000 247

Have you told your friend? Can they go with you now to the police station?

BeMorePanda Mon 12-Sep-16 12:13:11

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