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O.L.D fears, getting old, boring & falling apart.....

(7 Posts)
Texfactor Sun 11-Sep-16 21:45:32

Hi MN people,
In a nutshell, I'm a single parent whose last two relationships have shattered my self-confidence badly.
I rarely go out & DC's dad rarely does overnights so I'm constantly exhausted with work & looking after amazing kids & getting up at 6 everyday. I'm sure there are hundreds of us on here, but tonight I am feeling at a huge low.
Recently joined a well known OLD site & have enjoyed texting 3 guys in particular. One has asked if we can meet on Tues night. Have babysitter arranged but feel absolutely terrified. I feel like I'm so boring & will have nothing to say. My evenings after DC in bed consist of housework, netflix & reading in bed. Most social events at weekends are child-related.
Another of the 3 now wants to meet. He sounds amazing (& exciting!) but I'm feeling so down on myself I just want to cancel Tuesday, come off the site & hide from the world. Anyone been in the same I'm-shit-scared-boat? confused

KnobJockey Sun 11-Sep-16 21:55:18

Yes I have. Feel the fear and do it anyway! You might think you're being boring, to the right person you'll find millions of things that just spark off conversation in the other. For the wrong person, meh, you get a freebie night out, couple of drinks and the chance to flirt- win win! Don't go into it wondering if you're going to impress them, instead think about how exciting it is that you get the chance to meet someone you might never have crossed paths with otherwise.

I was single for eight years, met my partner online and we're 18 months in now, absolutely mad for each other. I would have told you I wasn't good enough for him, I'm too boring. He would say the same about him for me. We're a very good match 😊.

I hope the date goes well!

Mummydummy Sun 11-Sep-16 22:00:55

Ah sympathy to you about the worry. But first congrats on having some guys messaging you and wanting to meet up - its not always easy to get that far! . I don't have the fear thing quite in the same way but often just before I go out I think oh god why am I doing this to myself. The reality is its just one night out, a change of scene, a chance to enjoy adult company. It really doesn't matter what the outcome is - if its bad then have a laugh about it with friends, if it doesn't lead to anything, nevermind, there are other dates and other days.. And if its promising - hey thats nice. But remember that its you who are choosing if you like them - not you having to please him or be good enough for him to want to see you again. Get beyond the being judged worry. Are they good enough for you.

I totally understand your anxiety. But is it also worth thinking about a new hobby, dance class, art class, yoga, fitness, climbing wall or just drinks with friends - something that will give you other opportunities to get out of the house and maybe even make new friends? It might just help you broaden and enrich your life and also have some things to interest you beyond the kids and childcare. Friends and interests, which will also give you something to talk about. Not that I'm sure you dont have things to talk about - but it is exhausting having no chance to get out and do things for grown up you.

Texfactor Sun 11-Sep-16 22:02:49

Thanks Knobjockey!
Glad things are going well with your man. That all sounds lovely.
Yes, I'll just put my energy into being there & enjoying the moment.
Really not ready for any kind of relationship. My ex really messed with my mind but I'm getting there....

Texfactor Sun 11-Sep-16 22:13:02

Thanks Mummydummy
Arghhhhh still scared.
I have a great bunch of friends & am really into fitness & running & outdoor stuff (but it's something I always do alone) & think the OLD thing appeals cos I can just write & text on my terms... Oh god, I turn 40 next month. It's all too much confused

Mummydummy Wed 14-Sep-16 00:36:03

40 is nothing. Looking forward to the report back! Well.. How was it?

ladylambkin Wed 14-Sep-16 01:03:09

How did you get on op?

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