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Anyone else's OHs say these things during a disagreement?

(3 Posts)
mikado1 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:18:16

I could say argument but really they are generally minor things that blow up. Arguments are even more difficult.

Things like: It's fine, don't worry about it, nothing, it doesn't matter,fuc k sake or general ranting 'youre so difficult, whats wrong with you, youre infuriating' (some of these said to DC). Clearly he is incapable of having a disagreement or any conflict in any constructive way. For a long time I would be the one to later talk again, emphasise communication, remain calm etc but years later and exhausted from it and two dc, I feel like 'you're a responsible adult, go sort it out' because I am fed up of the PA/A BS.

pallasathena Sun 11-Sep-16 20:40:24

Try repeating these phrases back to him, calmly and deliberately then pause meaningfully and ask why are you so conflict averse? what are you afraid of? then just walk away and refuse to discuss it until he's thought about what you've said.
People like him just get agitated because they can't control the situation and they feel oddly threatened by things not going their way.
Assert yourself and send him the signal that you refuse to be verbally abused and if he can't respond in a civilised manner then the door is open and he can walk out.
You might find that prospect to be a tempting one.

mikado1 Sun 11-Sep-16 20:59:45

Thank you for your reply. He would just love if I didn't discuss it.. Would you see that as verbal abuse? I thought it was an ingrained inability to communicate.. bad enough I know. No, definitely doesn't like things not going his way but like I say won't have a simple back and forth to discuss it.

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