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Am I mad to think I can do this?

(18 Posts)
swizzlestar Sat 10-Sep-16 22:27:25

Been with dh for 11yrs, married for 7 and 2 children together.

I've never really been able to trust him, in the past I've caught him using phone sex lines, online sex forums and signing up to hook up sites. This year I realised that he never actually admits to these things. We have a huge argument and eventually things go back to "normal".

This year he's had to stop working due to accident, so at the moment is a full time house husband and I work 40+ hours a week. So he's become primary carer of the children, and that's my issue. I'd probably separate now to be honest, but I'm not exploring this any further as I don't want to lose residency of the dc's. Am I mad??!!

ImperialBlether Sat 10-Sep-16 22:28:47

Bide your time, OP, and wait until he's working. When is that likely to be?

ivykaty44 Sat 10-Sep-16 22:31:29

How old are the dc?

You are the one that could make everyone suffer including yourself is it worth it?

nicenewdusters Sat 10-Sep-16 22:39:27

Yes, I'd wait until he's back at work. In the meantime you can start planning your exit.

swizzlestar Sat 10-Sep-16 22:43:10

They are 10 & 4. The idea was that he'd be part time and me full time as I earn more, but once he's working again I'll be able to do more with them rather than him doing it all because he's not working at all.

It will probably be towards the end of this year, hopefully.

RockyBird Sat 10-Sep-16 22:44:25

Good luck

swizzlestar Sat 10-Sep-16 22:44:33

I'm keeping things very calm, there's no obvious bad feeling. If it was all arguments, I wouldn't even consider doing this.

swizzlestar Sat 10-Sep-16 22:45:17

Thanks Rocky.

ImperialBlether Sat 10-Sep-16 23:22:28

I found that once I'd made up my mind to end it, I could cope. I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardise my relationship with my children, though - no way would I lose the right to have them living with me, particularly if it was his fault the relationship ended.

tipsytrifle Sun 11-Sep-16 00:24:32

Have you sought legal advice yet? I see where you're coming from residency wise. Might be as well to wise up on it all though. Even if it still means waiting. Do you think he actually will work again or is this it for him? Don't underestimate him. He just might be half a step ahead.

swizzlestar Sun 11-Sep-16 09:51:34

I will most definitely get some legal advice, just to make sure. Childcare won't be an issue as I have an amazing childminder.

I have been the primary carer throughout both their lives, until h had an accident this year. I was lucky that the extra hours were available at work and I've since been promoted and got a pay rise.

category12 Sun 11-Sep-16 09:56:44

Would he actually want full time residency?

category12 Sun 11-Sep-16 09:57:46

What if he doesn't find work?

swizzlestar Sun 11-Sep-16 12:06:47

I've not actually broached the subject because I don't want to put ideas into his head, but it wouldn't surprise me.

I don't know! He'll definitely get something.

category12 Sun 11-Sep-16 12:12:36

See, I'd be more inclined to do it now, rather than wait for him to have been sahd for longer and establish himself as primary carer that much more - and possibly get used to not working and not want to get a job. I think you should get advice now.

JellyBean31 Sun 11-Sep-16 12:32:27

Be careful if you earn more than him you could end up liable to pay spousal support even if you have the DCs resident with you. This was what a solicitor told my friend when her husband had been made redundant and she wanted to spilt.

swizzlestar Sun 11-Sep-16 18:21:11

Bloody hell!! I certainly pick them.....

tipsytrifle Mon 12-Sep-16 00:53:42

Don't panic but you do need legal advice ASAP chocolate

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