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Friend borrowing money each month

(13 Posts)
Mamaka Sat 10-Sep-16 17:17:10

A year ago I made a new friend on the school run. She became a very good friend and our dc started playing at each other's houses etc. We also talked a lot about our various difficulties and have supported each other through them. For the last 4 months though she has asked to borrow money once or twice each month. I didn't mind at all to start with and she has paid me back each time. However the amount is going up gradually and I'm starting to feel like it's introduced an odd feeling into the friendship. I know what she needs the money for and I know her situation and I wouldn't want to say no.
As I said she has paid me back each time so I'm unsure why I'm feeling this way. Any advice?

Cary2012 Sat 10-Sep-16 17:25:22

Is she genuinely struggling or just rubbish at budgeting?

I'd say you are unable to help next time she asks, say you're a bit short yourself right now. What do you think she'd do?'

BurningBridges Sat 10-Sep-16 17:27:03

How about you say in advance that this month is the last month you can help due to some changes in your circumstances, you've been happy to help so far but you are letting her know that you can't continue and then maybe talk about some options with her, if you know what the issue is.

But of course, remember, its not your problem you are just being a good friend.

Mamaka Sat 10-Sep-16 17:35:01

Cary - a bit of both I think. She is always embarrassed to ask so if I said I was short that would be that. It probably would put an end to it. But I'm not short and I don't want to lie, am I being silly/naive?

Burning - I wanted to talk through options with her but didn't know how to do it without sounding patronising. Eg she shops daily for food at our local shop which costs a fortune. I asked if she wanted to order any food when I do my weekly delivery as it saves me a lot planning in advance etc. She didn't take me up on it. I have loads of money saving ideas which I use myself but don't know how to share them with her for fear of sounding like my (patronising and judgey pants) mother!!

BurningBridges Sat 10-Sep-16 17:37:35

That wasn't the sort of options I meant Mamaka, I meant debt management or something like that. But if she is short of money for food that has to be addressed (by her) somehow.

It seems from your answer to Cary that your choices are either you want to carry on or you don't and if you don't I am sure just giving a bit of notice is all you need to do. It sounds unhealthy left as it is.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 10-Sep-16 17:40:44

I don't mean to be harsh Mamaka, I really don't, but, she can only borrow, if you lend. Maybe if you stopped lending, she might not be such a good friend.
I think you should tell her, that you are unable to help out anymore, due to your own outgoings. Do not be coerced. As you say the amount is growing, she is getting braver, she may not always be able to pay back.
Remember the old adage, "Never a borrower, or a lender be ".
Put your savings into a high interest account OP.

LoveRosie2008 Sat 10-Sep-16 17:45:47

I have struggled before and have never asked anyone for money not even my parents (although I'm probably too harsh on myself!). I think you need to ask friend what the situation is and if she has a real problem then help her address it. After this you need to distance yourself, this does not sit right with me, where is her pride?

I have had a similar problem with someone more recently and felt in the end it stemmed from jelousy, as in its alright for you syndrome.

Cary2012 Sat 10-Sep-16 17:51:16

The thing is, she might be forced to budget better if she didn't have you to rely on.

End of the day it's up to you, either continue, providing she pays you back, but set a cap on the amount.

Or say no, because you're committed to a new ISA or something. You don't need to explain it, you can say no.

If you feel that your friendship is strong, she'll be fine, and it might do her a favour in that she budgets better. If she changes because you no longer lend to her, she's not a true friend and you're best rid.

ChicRock Sat 10-Sep-16 17:58:11

You've only been friends for a year, and for nearly half of that she's been tapping you for money, with the amount increasing each time?

I suspect if you say "no I can't loan you any money from now on" you won't see her for dust, and if you continue, the amount and frequency will increase, and so will the amount of time it takes for her to pay you back.

MatildaTheCat Sat 10-Sep-16 17:59:12

You feel like it's introduced an odd feeling to the friendship because that's exactly what lending money to friends and relatives does do. Ince or twice,mock, we've all had to embarrassedly ask for a temporary loan at some point. But every month and increasing sums? No, it's awkward.

Next time just say very breezily that sorry you can't and offer a reason she can't quibble with, saving every penny for X purchase or car repairs due. Anything. Same next time. If she's a good friend, and she sounds like one,she won't ask again.

LoveRosie2008 Sat 10-Sep-16 18:07:26

Just to warn you that, yes you probably won't see her for dust when you start saying no.

Mamaka Sat 10-Sep-16 18:09:48

Cary I take your point. If I wasn't lending she may be forced to budget better and that would be a good thing. I will say what Matilda suggested about car repairs as this is actually true.
Thank you all smile

SandyY2K Sat 10-Sep-16 19:07:18

You could just talk about an unexpected bill that's come up like ... car service, boiler needs sorting.. your sister/brother/cousin was in a bad way and you lent them some money ... you're a bit skint now..and hope she takes the hint not to ask

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