NC'ed for obvious reasons.
Been together with my DP for 16 years. About 13 years too long. It is a boring relationship and I feel like I am in prison! I so want to make the change and leave, but I feel guilty and scared and worried about the future for myself and my DP.
DP earns far, far less than I do. If I leave him, he will definitely be far worse off than me. He keeps mentioning this and so instead of seeing him suffer I have ended up suffering myself in this tedious relationship. I feel angry that I am in this situation. It is not my fault that DP did not finish school and now has no ambition to go any further in his career and therefore earn the money that would allow him the live the lifestyle he wants. I feel like his mother, his maid, his keeper. I hate it! We also have a dog which he loves to death. I feel like we are only together because of the dog. I feel incredibly guilty for even considering breaking up his cosy little lifestyle here. Unfortunately I promised him a few years ago that we’d move to a bigger house and I’d give him a better life, but I just can’t honour that promise because I do not want him! I’ve tried to break it off with him several times, as gently as I can, but he immediately brings up how much his lifestyle will change and how he is not prepared to give up the dog (and yet he says he cannot take the dog with him either as he says he’ll have to move so far out of town as he cannot afford anything nearby and therefore it isn’t fair on dog as he'll have to do lots of commuting which means dog will never see him!). Whenever we have these arguments about breaking up, he brings all these things up which means I then back down (because I just don't want to hurt him) and so we go back to Square One. He keeps saying I promised him a bigger house and now he wants me to deliver.
We have not had sex in several years - at least 6. Our sex life has never been great - mainly because I am not attracted to him. I think I can count the number of times we’ve DTD in all the years we’ve been together on my fingers and toes. He has some weird fetishes which actually put me off him years ago (and as I say, I should have broken this off when I had the chance back in 2003). Don’t get me wrong, he is a nice guy, but I do not believe he is with me because he loves me so much. He is here because it is financially beneficial for him. I have spoilt him by allowing him to live with me for free. Now I cannot get rid of him!
I met someone else at work about 8 years ago. I felt an immediate attraction towards him. I don’t know why as he is not my type physically at all. It was such a shock to feel such excitement around another man. I go weak at the knees just thinking about him! Anyway, I left that job 3 years later - nothing happened. I think Mr X knew may have had a vague idea about how I felt about him though - I was smitten! We’ve kept vaguely in touch over the years and earlier this year we met up a few times after work as he happened to be working very close my office. Those meetings conjured up all my old feelings for him and I really so so so want to take things further. I am so friggen horny and I keep fantasising about just ripping this man’s clothes off and giving him a right old seeing to right there and then! I cannot help myself. I have really found my MOJO in a very big way. This guy really does not know how much I want him to just fuck me again and again and again and again and I feel so utterly trapped in this godawful situation where I feel I cannot go out and have fun with anyone new. My life is passing me by!!!
What can I do to remove myself from this situation with DP? My best friend, who is a solicitor says I should not under any circumstances move out of my house as DP could just end up squatting in my house and it could take years to remove him. I don’t want too hurt DP. I just wish he’d meet someone else! I have even considered giving DP some money to just move on. But why should I? My money is hard earned, I made many sacrifices to get where I am and I now want to meet someone who is a bit more ambitious and like-minded. Giving DP any money will create serious setbacks for me and my plans. I do not want dependent. I am tired of being the golden goose. This relationship has no affection, no romance or fire. Its just limp and I am here out of duty. If I came home tomorrow and he was just gone I would feel so relieved and so goddamn happy that I had my life back. God I sound awful but I really am not - I just want out of this but I don’t know how without causing a massive upheaval for DP!!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Hate my life but cannot seem to make any changes
TicketOutOfHere · 09/09/2016 22:40
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