Husband left but on the bright side..

[wigglypuff]

I'm currently going through the extremely shitty and emotionally draining process of separating.

Things have been crap for a while, I was willing to work through this, learn from it and come out stronger. My husband on the other hand would rather give up because relationships shouldn't be work apparently. Very much a man child (has caused many many cries of ltb on previous threads)

Anyway I have my up days and my terrible terrible cry into my pillow days. I've noticed a few people seem to be going through similar. Thought it might be nice if people can name the positives (the more trivial the better) of them not being around anymore.

Mine is the amount of junk I can now buy and be reassured it won't be scoffed by the greedy git. You could not have any sort of chocolate biscuit in the house without him eating the lot during one of his midnight xbox sessions (seriously my kids have more restraint than him) So to celebrate I've brought a jumbo family value pack of Bourbon biscuits. This has made me stupidly happy.

[Littleladylumps]

Sorry for the crappy part your going through but I'm glad you see the bright side.
The small things that made me smile when I first found my self alone were; I don't have to watch crap on tv/ put up with his farting/cook food for him that I didn't like!
Keep smiling

[hermione2016]

Not yet physically separated but in separate rooms and I dont miss sharing a bed.No snoring and I'm not woken up, plus I get to put my stuff everywhere!

[nicenewdusters]

Eating crisps in bed.

Not pretending to enjoy 70's cop dramas.

Not having to worry if there's the tiniest scratch on the car.

Watching rubbish but fun telly with the dc.

[newstrongself]

No more selfies proving where I am

No more being told I'm socially awkward (and therefore automatically feeling as such in EVERY social situation!)

No more plans being cancelled because he got an better offer (literally any other offer haha)

No more stress and hurt finding him messaging other women

No more snoring :)

No more questioning my own sanity and decision making ability (been told I'm nuts and need help more times than I'd like to admit!)

No more wishing he could be the man I desperately wanting him to be, and being so disappointed when I realised he was a selfish narcissistic emotional abuser.

Put simply, I'm free :)

Long time lurker, first time poster. I'd just like to say thanks to all of you who post and support each other thru the shit they give us :) Just reading the support to other people has helped me through my own break up :)

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

Going to dinner parties where I can tell a story without a public put down

Socialising without fear of being embarrassed

No loud burping and farting in my face

Not having to clean up vomit all over the bathroom at 2am, because he wanted to eat a whole block of cheese and packet of cream crackers after dinner and is intolerant to cheese.

Not having my faults pointed out continuously

Not having my tits honked infront of DS like a Carry on Character


My shopping bill went down by 3/4.

My money, my decisions and my life belong to me.

[PepeLePew]

My ex left for the OW six years ago today. I was broken and thought I would never, ever, be happy again.

Today, I've spent the evening with my sweet, kind, helpful children. One made me a cup of tea when he got home from school, another cleaned up after dinner. We watched tv, laughed, and had bedtime stories. When I kissed DD good night, she said "Mummy, you're amazing and I want to be like you when I grow up".

Then, I set up my new printer on my own (could never have done that before) and made a decision about where we will go on holiday in October without having to defer to anyone else.

I am so much more capable than I ever thought I was. My money is my own, and we do things the way we want to. When the DCs are with their father, I am with my b/friend who is a hundred times smarter, funnier and more supportive of me than my ex ever was. We go to the theatre, spend the day in bed, read, go for walks, whatever we fancy. But then I have nights when the bed is all mine, I can watch rubbish TV and sprawl out until I'm ready to turn off the light and sleep undisturbed.

That first year was awful. The last five years have been fantastic. MNetters promised me I'd feel like this one day, and they were right. I promise you will feel so much better soon. Until then, .

[jayho]

spared Emmerdale, Corrie, rewatch on catch up in case he missed something, omnibus at weekend, despite having already seen it. Twice.

[wigglypuff]

Thanks all for the lovely bits of support, I've tried my best to not post anything specifically about the separation as I've seen so many people going through worse, relationships that seemed amazing and being left out of the blue-that sort of thing.

I have to think of the positives mainly for my children's sake.

I nag FAR less without him (although I'm never sure 'nagging' is the appropriate word)
I can now make eye contact/ speak to other men without fear of a complete shit storm!

[PamelaFlitton31]

100 times yes to the farting.

No more cleaning up wet sheets after a heavy night out.

No more knowing he was looking at porn on the iPad when I left the room

No more listening to him tell lies to friends / people in the pub & keeping quiet about it

Unfortunately I still miss him but it's early days.

Totally agree with you newstrongself about the support to be found here. Reading people's experiences/ advice has helped a lot over the last few weeks.

[darreldixonishot]

Pepe what an amazing post! You rock!

[PepsiPenguin]

When I finally had the courage to LTB (EA 12 years) I brought bright colourful things, including super bright super pink towels for the bathroom, so bright you required sunglasses ok I eventually fell out of love with them as they were very very pink but he hated anything colourful, for years in the house I fully paid for I lived in grey dullness and looking at those towels in particularly every day made me smile!

I still have one, hidden away as it was my first step to finding myself again after years of abuse.

Good luck OP and other people going through the early days, it's tough but when you get through it - life is good

[confusionoftheillusion]

Great post pepe

[BeMorePanda]

No longer feeling an internal slump when I hear his key in the door

No moody fuckwittery going on for days, coming out of nothing and nowhere.

The whole sofa. Just for me

More money. He was dreadful with his finances (secret coke habit) and as a SP I am better off. Strange but true.

A more stable emotional life for me and DC

Give it time op. Things will improve.

[Onmyownwith4kids]

Not pretending not to notice when he was constantly sitting in front of the TVs scratching himself with his hands down his trousers. No bailing him out of debt or listening to my ex mother in law talking about how magnificent he is. Laughing with my children and knowing them inside out. Recapturing the hamster and knowing he will never look back on their childhoods in the same way with hamster related memories even if I sometimes feel resentful about him opting out of school run and other stress inducing moments. Seeing him walking up the drive for a Disney dad moment and feeling so happy to have the chance to either enjoy life on my own or find someone better.

[PurpleWithRed]

No more constant drone of sports on the tv. No more snoring. No more constant pressure for sex. No more listening to his revolting fantasies during sex. No more finding a dildo amusingly snuck into my hand luggage while on a business trip with clients. No more walking down the street with him waiting for him to trip me up. No more listening to him thinking the worst of everyone.

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

I'm loving the thought of all you ladies stretched out on the sofa enjoying TV with your chocs!

[Left]

So happy to be able to say that I've managed to rekindle friendships with those that he made me cut off contact with. Priceless.

Also glad to no longer have ridiculous arguments where he would try and make me cut my son's father out of his life (XP was obsessed with my previous ex)

So much more but probably very outing. Just happy to be able to make my own decisions and not live under someone else's control any more. Took 18 months to feel happy about it X

[pallasathena]

Years ago now but I still remember the warm feeling of calm tucking my babies up in their beds and knowing that I was finally where I was meant to be.
The power of that feeling was awesome o/p, I'll never forget it. And it was the catalyst for constructing in the following years, a truly happy, twat free life for us.

[Shayelle]

No more always feeling paranoid because of all the lies hes ever told me before and cheating, and no more feeling about him being shady with his phone. No more walking on eggshells because of constant moodiness/displeasure out of every situation.
Oh and wearing whatever the fuck I like without always being criticised on how I look!!!

[Suchaheadache]

Me too. No longer having to put up with his lies about OW. Being too protective of his phone. Unfortunately still having to put up with his crappy attitude as we sort out our separation though 😥

No longer having to put up with him only noticing what I haven't got done round the house while he was at work. I now realise they reason I wasn't getting stuff done was because I was having to do all his washing & ironing as well as mine and kids. Now he's gone it's so much easier. Now realise just how much clothes he wore all the time - no wonder I couldn't keep on top of it all. Now my washing basket is never overflowing!

[Shayelle]

I love only having to clean up after myself too and not him as well

[BugEyedBeans]

No more being woken up by snoring every night. No more pit-of-the-stomach bracing for angry words as i reach the front door after work. No more convoluted arguments over every simple issue. Most of all, no more hiding feelings away and never able to share what is in my mind and heart.

[ByronBaby]

My husband left three weeks ago because apparently he would kill himself if he had to live with me anymore. I am enjoying cooking simple food for myself and the kids, not having to have the telly blaring out all the time, listening to music of my choosing including classical music, watching subtitled films, having a nap when I feel like it, the kids sleeping in my bed if they want, getting some new clothes (always made such a fuss, even though I earned more than half the money!) and planning a new haircut and colour of my liking with no sour comments. Oh, and being able to have a couple of bottles of wine in the house and it not being drunk all in one hit without me getting a single glass.

[Lostin3dspace]

Got my decree absolut the other day. ExH actually left me and divorced me, but if I'm honest I should have left him more than ten years ago. I made a list at the time he left of things about him that hacked me off. Here's so,e of my list:

Bathroom occupation at very selfish times (he would wait till say 8.15am, go into the bathroom and lock the door and spend ages in there, leaving me to manage the morning. I work ft. Then when I didn't bite, because I knew what the game was, blame me for the kids being late for school as it was his job to take them)

Casual racism - would think nothing of making a few racist jokes and using racist terms - would refer to Asians as 'pakis' and similar.

Casual homophobia as well

Financial secrecy - he managed all the accounts, much of it on line, and would moan to me that I didn't put enough into the account to cover my half of bills etc. But he wouldn't get all the accounts out and discuss our JOINT MONEY with ME. As it turned out during the divorce I discovered he had in fact being living off me as far as he could get away with. He stole all the joint money, and maxed out the mortgage, and then hid it all in the form of cash, and lied about it to court, and tried to twist everything round to make it look like it was me that did this.

Fuel theft - we each funded our own vehicles. He would wait until his fuel level was really low, then ask to borrow the car the next day. I then had to fuel his car in order to even get to work, he got free use of my fuel and got a tank of fuel when he got his car back. I fell for this a few times, and in the end bluntly started saying 'no fuck off'




Constant farting. He plainly has a food intolerance to something, probably wheat, but made out it was normal, so sought no help

Everything was always someone else's fault or responsibility. If found out with irrefutable proof, would gaslight me.

Never ever said sorry. And there were many things he owed me an apology for.

Housework martyrdom. He did do housework, but, for example, would 'do the laundry' this means loading the machine. He didn't sort it, put it away, iron anything except his own stuff.

Went on holiday without us. He got more holidays than me, but I always covered sick kids, inset days etc. He couldn't see why I had a problem with him spending family money and time on purely himself. Had the cheek to ask me for a lift to the airport. Also told him to fuck off.

Was a complete bastard if I was ill, would go out anyway, leaving me with two kids and flu.

Is still a complete bastard if the kids are ill. To the extent that there was a blue light event for one them recently, and they were pleased they weren't with him that day, as they would have been ignored.

Is phenomenally tight fisted and all round selfish, to sum it up.

So, there are many bright sides.