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How skint do we have to be before my oh gets a flipping job?!

(12 Posts)
DaniSecker Thu 08-Sep-16 12:24:30

Just a ranty post really but I'm so cross! I don't earn alot at all, but we fairly comfortably live within our means. I've been taking on extra hours for spare money but with every payday it's becoming apparent I need to inform tax credits, and of course our entitlement drops. We were also recently landed with a big overpayment from housing benefit because I was earning too much. We're losing about £400 from benefits, which I'm finding it hard to top up now. I'm due to start my degree in October so working more hours than I'm already doing, on top of dc commitments seem like too much to handle. My oh is so one track minded and getting a 'real job' just doesn't seem to be an option for him. He was running his business fairly successfully for three years, wasn't regular money but he was getting there. He then decided to pack it all up for a passion project, leaving me to deal with finances again (in the 8 years we've been together he's only worked in a stable, regular paid job for 2) so when I rang him to say our tax credits will drop his response was 'well what are we going to do'. Argh, could have screamed. Thing is whenever it's brought up its always 'but I'm in the middle of this and I won't have time to finish it if I work'. How much pressure can I put on myself before I snap? I don't have the qualifications or experience for anything other than what I'm doing now, and to be honest there's a part of me that thinks why the hell should I get a better paid job that I'm likely going to hate and suck at when, if he just got a part time job, it could easily make up what we're losing? AIBU?

pleasemothermay1 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:26:11

I feel you its diffcult is he helping with the children much

DaniSecker Thu 08-Sep-16 12:28:10

Yes he does help out with the kids, it's his one saving grace to be honest.

keely79 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:29:06

You - are doing all you can.

He - needs to step it up - there are plenty of people who can't pursue passion projects because they can't financially afford it. If it doesn't pay the bills, he needs to get another job (or at least apply for some!) and do that in his spare time.

Do you have DC?

Boogers Thu 08-Sep-16 12:31:53

What is his passion project? If it's something that will contribute to the household income in the long run then it's not so bad. As you've written it he sounds like he's got you as the main earner working all hours god sends and isn't willing to contribute anything constructive to the household. What kind of paid employment could he seek?

Arfarfanarf Thu 08-Sep-16 12:39:00

he does it because he knows that regardless how much you complain, you will continue to feed him, clothe him, house him, completely finance him.

one person bringing the money in is fine if that is what both parties want and they split all the jobs that a family needs doing in a way that both parties feel is fair.

This isn't that.

But really, he isn't going to get a job because he knows you'll just suck it up.

The only way to get him to contribute is to stop supporting him financially.

It's a big step.

But nothing else is going to work. You already know that.

DaniSecker Thu 08-Sep-16 12:39:05

It's something we hope can contribute, it's the end goal he's wanted all his life, which is why I'm trying to be supportive. But it's a long shot. A very long shot. He's got lots of admin experience but no matter the hours offered he's unhappy with them.

adora1 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:52:41

That is bloody awful, he seems to think you are his mum.

I'd not tolerate it AT ALL.

Goldenhandshake Thu 08-Sep-16 14:29:19

I think it is ultimatum time. He must take a part time job that at least makes up the benefits loss and fits in his 'passion project' around that, he is completely out of order to just assume you will make this work.

Boogers Thu 08-Sep-16 14:56:57

Is it something like building models (cars, planes, boats etc) that he thinks he can make a living from? What does he do?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 08-Sep-16 15:03:19

Stop running yourself into the ground if the Council are taking pound for pound off the extra your earn. Get printing off some job applications for dh instead. My dh has an expensive time consuming activity /money maker but he knows it's second to cold hard cash in the here and now world!

Sandsnake Thu 08-Sep-16 15:05:09

Not fair on you and (I'm going to whisper it) not fair on the taxpayer. This is absolutely NOT intended as benefits bashing but if your DH is capable of work then I do not think it's fair that he takes on a 'passion project' instead and leaves you / benefits to pick up the shortfall where his wage should be.

This is no slur on you at all (you sound like you're working really bloody hard) flowers

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