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Completely and utterly stuck

(11 Posts)
slightlyinsane Thu 08-Sep-16 09:30:50

Been with h for nearly 13 years, married nearly 10, we have dc's (not going to say how many as potentially very outing) eldest's in secondary school, youngest are still at home.
Things have not been right for years, any conversation about it has ended up in him stomping and shouting, nothing changing and plod on until the next time.
Over the past year I've gradually become detached from the marriage, just couldn't be bothered to listen to it again, sick of the nasty comments and shouting.
It's finally come to a stand off.
For once the conversation was initiated by him and for the first time ever he sat and listened, no shouting very few snide comments.
He then very calmly told me all about how he was feeling had been for years.
The conversation ended up with him saying we either live in misery or I leave.
I'm not leaving the kids but he won't either, it's all such a fucking mess, I'm a fucking mess.

idontlikealdi Thu 08-Sep-16 09:36:55

That sounds awful. Why should you be the one to leave though? Who is the main carer of the children?

slightlyinsane Thu 08-Sep-16 09:42:42

I'm a sahm have been for a few years.
He can't/won't look at things objectively and see what the most sensible options are.
He needs some counselling, has done for years but I just don't give a shit anymore, I'm not wasting time trying to make him see how far from right he is.
Complete and utter fucktard

idontlikealdi Thu 08-Sep-16 09:47:01

Fucktard indeed.

If you are the main carere he surely has to leave - how can it make any sense otherwise. You can't take the children out of their home!

Hopefullyuu someone will come aling with some proper advice.

slightlyinsane Thu 08-Sep-16 11:23:32

In his eyes I wouldn't be taking the kids out of their home, it would just be me leaving.
Stupid fucking twatface

Resilience16 Thu 08-Sep-16 16:49:46

Get some good legal advice.
Speak to CAB.
This man is emotionally abusive and manipulative. Don't let him back you into a corner.
Keep your cool,get advice and plan the best exit strategy for you and your kids.
You deserve better.Hug of support for you.

Cary2012 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:49:24

The man's deluded.

Don't bother trying to talk sense to him, you've had enough, I understand that.

CAB office as suggested, local family lawyer.

Don't leave the family home (I know you won't).

A solicitor can then give him the reality check he's long overdue.

This can't go on, so legal advice pronto.

Good luck

Cary2012 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:52:17

And you are not stuck OP, you always have choices and options. Remember that. A good solicitor will explain them.

crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 18:34:20

In his eyes I wouldn't be taking the kids out of their home, it would just be me leaving.
Stupid fucking twatface

I am pretty sure h thinks the same. Has been known to tell me to "get out" in some past arguments hmmangry.

I am stuck for very similar reasons to you OP.

Resilience16 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:52:14

The "choices" your partner has given you (live in misery/you leave the kids) arent choices at all, they are just ways to try to continue to manipulate and control you. He can see you have become impervious to his previous methods of verbal abuse, stomping and shouting, hence he has changed tack.
Call his bluff and get legal advice pronto.
You aren't permanently stuck, you just need direction to get unstuck.

slightlyinsane Thu 08-Sep-16 19:52:52

Yep I've been told in not so pleasant words to leave.
I don't think there is much to learn from legal advice.
We rent with both names on it, no assets etc. I can't for various reasons take the kids away from here to another house out of school catchment area, I have no car to enable me to move and ferry them here everyday.
Completely buggering stuck

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