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Dh wants to give away entire 6 figure inheritance...

(383 Posts)
Drizl Wed 07-Sep-16 23:34:46

We've been together for 22 years and married for 16. Until now everything was great but this latest issue might just break us apart. My mil moved in next door to us 10yrs ago so we could help her out. My dh was round there every day tending to her and she was frequently here at ours. She has since died and dh is the sole heir to her substantial estate. He (we?) will inherit a large 6 figure sum. Dh announced earlier tonight that it's his intention to give away the entire sum to charity as we are moderately well off and there are people out there who really need it. I'm so unhappy he has taken this decision unilaterally. There is so much work needs doing on our house and I have to make do with his Heath Robinson repairs. We could pay our mortgage off and still have spare change but he won't hear of it. I'm furious the subject is not even up for discussion. He believes it's his sole decision what happens as only he is named in the will. I feel really hurt about his lack of willingness to even have a discussion about it and it's making me question our whole relationship. We're supposed to be a partnership. What do you think?

dontwannapullahammie Wed 07-Sep-16 23:36:07

He may be named in the will but you're married and it's your money too. I'm not surprised you're furious

CatchingBabies Wed 07-Sep-16 23:38:39

Can't you compromise by donating a certain amount to charity and use the rest for your own family? His intentions are lovely but if it will make a huge difference to your home then I would want to do that first while also giving back some charitable benefit. If that fails remind him you would get half in the divorce 😂😂

fruitboxjury Wed 07-Sep-16 23:38:53

I think if your MIL had wanted it all to be give away she would have chosen a charity herself.

WinchesterWoman Wed 07-Sep-16 23:39:02

Can he do that? . It's half yours surely.

thatstoast Wed 07-Sep-16 23:39:46

But his mum wanted him to have it. Did she pass away recently? I would so him to wait six months or so before doing anything.

Graceflorrick Wed 07-Sep-16 23:39:54

See a Solicitor flowers

Lilacpink40 Wed 07-Sep-16 23:39:55

Why not calmly list all the work that you need doing to house, places you'd like to visit (holiday), future expenses (DCs university?) and use this to explain why you need most of the money?

Then enjoy giving a portion to charity together?

MsVestibule Wed 07-Sep-16 23:41:32

This would seriously piss me off! How do you currently manage your finances? Is everything joint, entirely separate or a combination of the two?

I expect to inherit a largeish sum (by our standards) at some point (he won't) - I would consider it belonged to both DH and me, and as such, we would decide between us what we spent it on.

fruitboxjury Wed 07-Sep-16 23:42:27

Remind him it was actually her money, her will states that she wanted him to be the beneficiary. Giving it away to charity would be against her will, although of course it would be kind to donate some if he has a cause he feels strongly about.

Ask him what he thinks she would have said, was she someone who regularly donated or had any organisations she was especially committed to?

SpiritedLondon Wed 07-Sep-16 23:43:45

Holy crap I would be upset too. As noble as his intentions are anything could happen to your financial situation that would place you in
A precarious financial position eg serious illness. Presumably he believes you're being a money grabber. You don't mention children but this could set them up for university or house deposits etc. I might be tempted to suggest dividing the amount so a significant amount went to the charity while retaining some for repairs / emergencies / nest egg. After all it was what she wanted. If she had wanted it to go to a charity she would have specified that in the will wouldn't she?

Brokenbiscuit Wed 07-Sep-16 23:45:23

Can he do that? . It's half yours surely.

I can't help but wonder whether a male poster who posted about his wife's inheritance would be told the same? Would it be half his?

Anyway, OP, yanbu to want to discuss this. What your DH wants to do sounds laudable, but I think he should consider your views. A compromise might be to give half to charity and use the rest for your family?

UpYerGansey Wed 07-Sep-16 23:46:07

I'd go bananas in your shoes. Absolutely bananas. He's being an idiot, where your own home needs attention.
As a pp said, ask insist he wait 6 months (at the very least).
wine

AppleJac Wed 07-Sep-16 23:48:16

Wow

What on earth is he thinking?!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 07-Sep-16 23:48:16

He should discuss it with you but equally I think it was his inheritance he should decide.

If you want to get your hands on it and he doesn't agree you have two choices: 1. Divorce him. 2. Kill him and inherit.

Neither feel like a better option that talking to him and persuading him. Or not if he won't be swayed.

Mycraneisfixed Wed 07-Sep-16 23:49:57

Divorce him asap then all his assets will be divided up and you'll get a half share.

BombadierFritz Wed 07-Sep-16 23:50:56

I think its up to him and is not half your money as some other posters say

that said, I would think this is grief and shock, perhaps denial, and with time he may change his mind or perhaps decide to make a donation with meaning or that leaves a legacy in his mums name. probate takes quite a while so as long as he doesnt want to vary the will you have time on your side

SandyY2K Wed 07-Sep-16 23:52:43

Charity begins at home.

Is he crazy? Or is he joking. It would be a very sick joke.

Kr1stina Wed 07-Sep-16 23:52:44

Not if you live in Scotland, where inheritances aren't martial property

AgathaP Wed 07-Sep-16 23:52:54

I say this as someone who works for a charity: ask him to think very carefully indeed before giving it all away. You don't know what life has in store for you - my apparently healthy, middle aged husband died very suddenly four years ago, leaving me with three children. I am certain your MIL would want you to benefit from the security that money offers you.

Kr1stina Wed 07-Sep-16 23:53:00

Marital even

Drizl Wed 07-Sep-16 23:53:46

I thought I knew him so well, now I'm questioning if I ever knew him at all. He refuses to put any in our dc's names as he doesn't believe in passing wealth forwards. He says wants our dc to learn what it is to earn & provide for themselves! Quite frankly, I think he's being an utterly selfish bastard. I am a full-time housewife and he is the earner in our household.

DixieWishbone Wed 07-Sep-16 23:54:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudyCoolibar Wed 07-Sep-16 23:54:44

It isn't half yours. But YA certainly NBU. Ask him to think about what would happen if one of you were to become very ill so that you could no longer pay the mortgage and bills, and emphasise the need for the house to be sorted out properly - if, for example, you had to replace the roof, could you afford it?

AcrossthePond55 Wed 07-Sep-16 23:56:26

Where I live an inheritance is not community property, it belong solely to the legatee.

If this is so important to you, you need to see a solicitor.

Just a thought, if you force this issue what do you think his reaction will be. And is it worth that to you?

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