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Ready to date but not yet waste opportunity by being exclusive

(54 Posts)
SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:16:07

Thought i'd post my own thread as a newbie and going mad here. Got 3 potential irons, met all at least once so vetted 😊 All attractive in v different ways. Mr Eligible seemed keen but cooling slightly and think he may be on rebound a little (;marriage ended over a year ago) , strong chemistry but not anywhere near my typical preferred body type. He is lovely though and very snappable up ifykwim. Reckon we might be each others transition people, not sure got the heart to see him around with someone else in future! We have friends in common and fairly small town.
Meanwhile MrTall is quite attractive, v bright and intriguing. V complicated family though. Mr Dangerous is a vibe thing - overpowering on spiritual and physical level but he can be a player, admitted as such. Taken a while to go thro profiles, message etc and selfishly seems a shame not to see how things go with other 2 also. But how?? Feel guilty and likely to be seen out if i do.

Horrendous split from h 5 months ago, marriage emotionally/sexually dead for years but still.

Any advice please?

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:34:33

Hope i don't sound ridiculous! Am in my 40s amd dont think i'll have such chances fir ever. Not first clue about what i want, lists etc. But may know it when i see it or may evolve. Life is short etc but not ready for huge hurt either!

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:38:35

And known and/or been messaging at least daily with all 3 for at least past 5 weekd

Dozer Wed 07-Sep-16 17:41:59

What do you mean "opportunities"?

5 months after a nasty split?

Ditch "Mr Dangerous" - sounds like a twat.

"Mr Tall" - what do you mean re his family? Why is that a factor in early dating?

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:46:41

Opportunity to date and not ve exclusive yet. To decide for myself not be 'chosen'

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Sep-16 17:52:49

I don't understand this really. If I wanted to go out with someone I wouldn't be looking around for someone else. If I wanted to do that, I'd know that the first guy wasn't right for me.

None of yours sound right. The dangerous one would be awful - nothing worse than going out with a player. The one with the bad family would be awful, too. The first one is cooling off anyway.

Why not go out with one, see what you think of him and if you find yourself wanting someone else, dump the first one and let him find someone who wants just him?

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:55:11

Thats how i used to play it back in the day before marriage. But countless friends told me modern dating is several at once, American style. As do many threads on here! Am trying to keep my options open in the early days

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 17:56:59

And want to date but am new to it all, think judgement askew, trying not to go for types previously drawn to necessarily.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 07-Sep-16 18:04:10

Ditch them all. You sound like you are picking your favourite spice girl, so I don't think you have connected with any of them, tbh.

Just keep looking until you find someone who you don't need to canvas opinions on.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 07-Sep-16 18:05:41

Sorry that sounds harsher than I meant. I just mean, you'll be confident in your choice when you meet someone compatible.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:07:11

Feels a little harsh! Come out of long marriage, probably not put it well but trying to be realistic.

WannaBe Wed 07-Sep-16 18:08:53

Where does non exclusivity end? Are you sleeping with all of them for instance?

TBH I don't understand this notion of dating several potential partners at one time until you decide which one. It's one thing to e.g. Go out for drinks etc, quite another to be dating several men at once. A bloke dating several women at one time would be deemed a player, why is this not the same?

You don't sound that into any of them TBH so I would get rid.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:09:27

Cross posts. Agree not sure of connection but then am guarded atm and wd be nice to have a little fun dating to see extent if any connection. Do not believe in the one at all by the way but a few compatible guys, yes.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:10:22

Read the OLD threads on here, common practice now! Am not sleeping with any of them!

myfriendnigel Wed 07-Sep-16 18:12:19

Which one do you physically fancy the most? At this point so you want to tie yourself down to anything serious? 5 months is not a long time and tbh what you need at this point is a good life affirming, self esteem boosting bunk up. Not much more. Go with the one that is most likely to give you that, but for gods sake don't fall for him in the process.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 07-Sep-16 18:12:47

You're right, I put that in a dickish way, sorry.

I suppose trying to write about individuals is going to come across as fairly reductive in a post.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:12:53

And it is drinks etc nothjng more so call it dating or not but a way to get to know someone. V different world from in my 20s, far less choice as an older woman, trying to work it for me a little.

myfriendnigel Wed 07-Sep-16 18:13:08

Sorry if that sounded crass. But I do think that's what's needed here.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:17:20

Agree, my post doubded reductice and flippsnt snout the guys, just shorthand realky. Again common in OLD threads on here - maybe should have made my non-married status clearer and also OLD link..

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:17:39

Sorry for typos!

Applesandpears86 Wed 07-Sep-16 18:19:11

I'm in my twenties and I struggle to find one man that I have a connection with let alone 3!

Agree with the others; when it's right you will know and not even think about it. If you just want fun, go for the guy who can give you that.

ladyformation Wed 07-Sep-16 18:21:49

Blimey, I'm on a different page to PPs here - as far as I'm concerned until you have the exclusivity chat, anything goes. Make it clear over the first couple of dates (however is appropriate with each person) that you're not looking for something exclusive yet, then go and have fun. Nothing to be ashamed of as long as everyone knows what's going on.

Go for drinks with them all. Be honest with yourself if you start to get emotionally involved. Be kind to them if they start to get emotionally involved. Have a brilliant time.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:22:16

I think takes a while to know. Yes, am lucky i guess but wont be case for long. Choice skewed massively away from older women, men my age typically have a vast pool from which to choose.

SortingStuffStill Wed 07-Sep-16 18:23:34

Lady, you see that's what i thought. And had read on many a forum including MN.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Wed 07-Sep-16 18:30:04

Not only do I not think it's morally ambiguous to date several men, so long as you're honest with them, I think it makes good sense to date several at once because it's efficient.

Anyway, fwiw, and knowing now that I'm wading in on a running thread so disregard if I am off track, I'd still ditch the lot of them and get a new batch.

You have the choice of three men after only being out of a marriage for five months, so save me the 'I'm 40' sob story. You are clearly 'a catch'.

None of these guys are workable, you need another bunch.

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