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Broken promises - I want to leave him

(10 Posts)
NewNameForThisThread3 Wed 07-Sep-16 14:35:23

Background - always had up and down relationship with DP. Got together and quickly fell pregnant. Now have two children and lived together 3.5 years
Previously his friend, who is an addict and a weirdo (vodka/weed/morphine) has always got him to buy weed and deliver it 30 miles away. I think he feels obliged because he calls him his 'son'. He's just strange IMO and uses DP. There we always guilt trip texts. I've told him I'm not happy about it, he promised he'd never do it again.
Today, he forgot his phone. Work was ringing at 6:45 so I grabbed his phone to text his boss to explain he'd left his phone. Opened up messages to find him asking someone at new company he's been at for weeks for a large quantity of weed. I'm fuming. Spoke to his boss and asked him to get DP to call along with telling him he didn't have phone. Told DP what I'd seen, he said it's not for me it's for 'friend'. I said I didn't care, he's an idiot for buying weed at work especially in a new job. He then went apeshit at me for snooping through his phone and going on that I'm controlling him and should be supporting him to support his friend who has painful legs and his morphine won't last blah blah blah.
He's then blocked me off his work friends number, told me he's glad he's working nights as well as he wont have to see me and put the phone down.
I'm sick of this shit. He's an irresponsible ass. He never thinks of consequences and puts everyone before his family. He got caught speeding at 105 and luckily got off with it but me being the muppet paid the fine of £575. He told me I shouldn't have bothered but he wasn't the one dealing with bailiffs when he worked away!
I'm sick of him. He has no respect for me and I can't see it changing.
I'm fed up of the lies, deceit and the way he talks to me and it's making me not a nice person as I'm so unhappy when things like this happen.
I need to leave him but I'm upset for the kids, I'm financially dependent on mat leave and know I'm going to be lonely.
Please someone give me the kick up the arse to do it and tell me your experiences and that it gets better being on your own.

adora1 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:21:26

You should never stay with anyone because you are scared of being alone, in fact you should only be in a relationship if you are really happy in your own skin.

I couldn't be with someone like this, he is continuing to break the law and now is putting his job at risk, and for what - he sounds very immature.

I kinda know what you mean about it turning you into a person you don't really like, that's a sure sign that you really need to get out.

NewNameForThisThread3 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:52:26

I was happy in my own skin when I met him. Probably the happiest I'd been. I know I've put up with more than what I would if I didn't have children with him. I have felt very vulnerable, both my DS and I were very ill after birth and it took me a long time to recover.
I'm not just with him for fear of being alone though. When it's good, it's really good and I do love him, I think we're just two very different people and he thinks the way I am is ridiculous.

adora1 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:56:35

Well continue to live your life by his book of rules and continue to break the law, expose your kids to drugs or drug talk and put your own beliefs and needs below his - or make a stand and tell him he's actually ridiculous and either it changes or you separate.

It sounds really toxic.

JamieLannistersFuckButler Wed 07-Sep-16 16:14:02

Anyone who does drug deals by text or email is an idiot anyway - does he not realise that any of these might be monitored?!

Vlier Wed 07-Sep-16 16:17:01

Drugs would be a dealbreaker for me. My best friends dad was in prison for dealing weed when he was a kid. It was really difficult for him to deal with.

normastits5 Wed 07-Sep-16 16:24:22

Bottom line is he's heavily involved in drug dealing and unless you are happy for your kids to grow up around that , and all the grief it brings, you really need to make plans to move on. He is not respecting you or the kids at all. I'm sorry for you and I hope you find the strength to do the right thing. MN is always of luck

Maidofrohan Wed 07-Sep-16 16:25:17

He calls it supporting his friend? The law would call it "possession with intent to supply". His "friend" can source and get his own damned supply of cannabis if that's what he wants, NOT involve other people. Your OH is ridiculous, not you! I can't believe he'd risk a prison sentence and be so irresponsible!

Resilience16 Thu 08-Sep-16 20:08:03

This guy doesn't respect you, he lies to you and treats you like crap.
You can stay with him and suck it up, or you can look at ending it ,moving on and being happy.
You had a life before you met him, you will have a life afterwards.
It's a no brainer. You and your kids deserve better.

pallasathena Sat 10-Sep-16 07:39:56

Can't believe you even want to be with him...where's your self respect?

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