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When people think if you're single, you must be unhappy

(6 Posts)
BitchQueen90 Wed 07-Sep-16 12:24:17

Just that really. It drives me insane. I've been single for 2 and a half years. I have DS who is 3. ExH and I get along well and he is involved in DS life. But he has a new partner and everyone seems to think I'm the poor lonely one! My DM is the worst. She's always commenting on the fact that exH has "come out on top" because he has a partner, he kept the house while DS and I moved out (this made financial sense, we rented and I could never have afforded the rent there on my own. ExH earns more than double what I do.) She's always talking about wanting me to meet somebody. I'm just not interested right now. I didn't have much in the way of a career so I've started a university degree and I'm doing some volunteering alongside work to get into the field I want to work in. I have a lovely flat and in all honesty, I think I'll always prefer being single. I'm very independent, I'm an only child so I'm used to my own space and I like running my house and my finances my own way. My DS is happy and thriving.

It's not just my DM, it's friends as well. Always trying to get me to join Tinder, etc and making comments about my exH and his new partner. I've met the partner and she's nice and gets on well with my DS. But it's like everyone wants me to be bitter and moan all the time when I'm actually happier than I've ever been. Also just to mention I'm 26! So it's not like I'm running out of time to meet someone if I wish to in the future.

Does anyone else get this from people? Sorry it turned into a bit of a rant, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

pickledparsnip Wed 07-Sep-16 12:26:13

Don't you know you need a person to "complete" you? Hahahahahahaha.

pickledparsnip Wed 07-Sep-16 12:27:55

I get the same from friends. They just don't get that I am happy on my own. These are the same people who are in relationships and miserable. No thanks. If someone comes along then great, if not I'm more than ok with that too.

BitchQueen90 Wed 07-Sep-16 12:36:49

pickled it's so frustrating. I've just booked a holiday abroad for DS and I for next summer, before he starts school. DM said "but what if you meet somebody?" Well then I'd still bloody go, am I supposed to keep my life on hold "in case I meet somebody" hmm

TheNaze73 Wed 07-Sep-16 13:03:54

Your DM sounds like a 1950's nightmare OP. You have my sympathy.

Really get where you are coming from though, when my I ended my marriage, do gooders were trying to set me up at dinner parties and all sorts & really didn't get it. Some people's perception that they aren't complete without a partner, beggars belief. Enjoy all your single benefits smile

alfagirl73 Wed 07-Sep-16 13:10:25

I totally get this. I was single for a long time, and people just could not get that I was happy like that. I always said that if I met someone who I really wanted to get involved with, then I would, but it wasn't necessary in order for me to have a happy and fulfilling life.

I did as you are doing, spent time on ME... I put myself through law school, furthered my career, spent time on my own well-being and happiness. I firmly believe that you have to be happy within yourself in order to be happy with another person anyway. If you need another person to make you happy, then you'll never truly will be because your happiness will always be dependent on another person.

Like you, I'm pretty independent. I wasn't against meeting someone, I just refused to settle for anyone just to conform to what society wants or to make other people happy. And I refused to put my life on hold waiting for this hypothetical person. If I was to give up singledom then it had to be for someone who was worth it. I knew in my mind what I would want in a partner. But if I didn't meet him I didn't want to have wasted my life waiting for him.

Six months ago, I DID meet the man who I consider to be the love of my life; the last few months have been amazing! But it happened when I wasn't even looking. He's everything I've ever said I wanted in a man, and I'm so glad I didn't settle for less.... he's been worth waiting for. That said, if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't be miserable - I'd still be having fun and living my life.

Do what's right for you - most of the time people go on about you meeting someone because they're jealous you have the guts to go it alone and you're not dependent on another person for your happiness. In fact a friend of mine not long ago admitted to me that he admired me for standing my ground and not settling for less than I wanted. He said he didn't know how not to be with someone... and he admired my independence and strength in just being happy with me.

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