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I'm new here, my husband is abusing me with name calling and denying it all even though I am 100% certain he is up to stuff?

(5 Posts)
Daniellejoanne23 Tue 06-Sep-16 18:16:00


First of all, I am new here and am desperately looking for advice. I'm not sure if this is in the right topic..I'm extremely depressed and need some advice! sad

My husband masterbates. I know it's normal and if If it were to porn I'd 100% be fine with that. But no, it's to real life girls on snapchat, dating apps. Because I've been through his phone a few months back cause I knew something was up, I caught him talking dirty to girls & sending/ receiving dirty videos. It broke my heart hmm But we spoke about it and I forgave and he promised not to again. I call that cheating. Not physically going out & cheating but all through social media. these last few months I know he's masterbating in the bathroom every morning. I wanted to know for sure so I checked underneath the door (I know it's wrong and crazy but I needed to know) he takes ages in there, the shower runs for ages by itself and he flushes the chain so many times. He uses bath wash like there's no tomorrow.
I can see his feet but can tell he's doing it. I can see his feet moving fast and slow to how fast he is beating it. He makes it wet using bath wash and I can hear the squeeky sound of him doing it.
I've been obsessed and feeling down about it because I'm there and he still chooses to masterbate than come to me. I try it on with him some mornings so he doesn't go and do that and sometimes he will have sex with me, other times he'll slowly get away and go and have a shower and do this.

A few days ago we had a heated argument because of his masterbation and he denies it even to this day even though I check sometimes under the door. Yesterday I went onto his phone after he got out to see if he's watching anything and nothing was on there but on his App Store he had typed in snapchat. Snapchat was one app I saw months ago on his phone that had girls on there with disgusting pics/vids. He said he deleted it but clearly not. He's downloading it and watching these maybe even talking directly to them asking for stuff and could be recording himself to send to them & deleting it when he comes out the bathroom so there's no evidence. I had no idea he was doing this again. I told him I know he's back on snapchat straight when I saw it and he grabbed his phone off me and went crazy. He hasn't been okay with me since and has been ignoring me all day and calling me really horrible names and shouting at me.
This morning it happened again. When I wake up the same time as him when he leaves for work I get a horrible feeling in my stomach because I know in a few minutes he'll go into the bathroom and download whatever apps he has and masterbates over real life girls.
I'm feeling down because now I know it isn't to porn it's to real life girls live. I feel disgusted and hurt. We aren't talking and he's been so horrible to me abusing me calling me names but he's masterbating to other women I don't know what to do I feel so down sad I have spoke about it so many times but he is eager to keep saying I'm crazy and tells me he isn't when I know he is. But I can't tell him that I watched him under the door :-( I know that's his business and privacy but the thought of him talking to girls and watching their videos.
It's not like I'm boring or anything I send pictures/videos of myself to try and please him even though that's not me but I do it because I want him to focus on me and masterbate over my videos? But he always chooses other women. Our sex life is okay, not the best. We've got a 2 year old son been married 2 years together for 5.
This is killing us and destroying me. I feel so depressed and really need advice! Sorry this is so long sadsad

flapjackfairy Tue 06-Sep-16 18:55:16

Oh DJ no wonder you are depressed! Obviously I can't say for sure what he is up to in the bathroom but regardless of that he has no right to abuse you and call you names. It seems that you are going along with things that make you uncomfortable and surely this alone is destructive to your self esteem. Is he generally controlling within your relationship or just in this area? It seems to me that you have some tough decisions to make regarding whether this relationship has a future. His previous behaviour is already concerning and he should be doing all he can to reassure you if he genuinely is doing nothing wrong. ..instead of which he seems to be bullying you into leaving it alone.

Resilience16 Tue 06-Sep-16 19:54:48

Does he have any good points?
Think you know you deserve better than this.

DoreenLethal Tue 06-Sep-16 20:01:08

Next time you are looking under the door, is it worth thinking to yourself 'fuck this shit' and go and start divorce proceedings?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 06-Sep-16 20:20:10

You don't need hard evidence to chuck him you know?

The divorce court doesn't refuse divorces.

Do you think hard evidence would mean you could get him to stop? No. Even if you had hard evidence he would keep doing it, or get more secretive.

Put a nannycam up if you must, but I think the money would be better spent on a solicitor.

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