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Is OH cheating?? Acting suspicious?

(45 Posts)
MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 06:16:25

So me and my OH have a 11 week old baby, been together 2 years.

Now I saw the other night he had been messaging one of his "clients". He is an estate agent. There were a lot of wink emojis and stuff in the messaging but from what I could see there was nothing overly bad in the context. I also know he searched this women on FB too. Yesterday he had an appointment at her house to put it on the market. It was a late appointment and said he would be home by 7. Got to seven and still weren't home so rang to ask when he would be home for tea. When we went to bed at 9 he complained on feeling really ill but had an email to send so I said ok and went to sleep next to him. Woke up at 1 as LO was jiggling around, I know this is bad but I did have a look at his phone and saw all messages with this client had been deleted apart from one message saying "it's time I was sleeping now smile" this was at 11pm!
I'm not going crazy am I, this does look suspicious??!

Before people say that I shouldn't have looked at his phone, I know I was wrong but in the past he has lied too. I found out he had been messaging a few girls in the past and that time I didn't look through his phone. Never any evidence of physical cheating. We have been arguing more since I've given birth.

What are people's opinions from an outside perspective? I am getting sick of the lies now, I guess I've stayed so far because of our little boy.

Kr1stina Tue 06-Sep-16 06:19:17

You say you are sick of the lies - does he have form for cheating on you ?

Trifleorbust Tue 06-Sep-16 06:25:44

It sounds like flirting rather than an affair, but it is still suspicious.

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 06:31:40

He's messaged other girls before. It mainly happened when we first got together. He had a trip to LA booked alone. Found out he had met up with some girls while out there. One of which he claims was a friend he knew before he went. So from the start there has been doubt, he's just so good at turning things around to look innocent. I don't know I guess I'm an idiot for letting him talk me around!

IzzyIsBusy Tue 06-Sep-16 06:35:56

I have sold a few houses through estate agents and never messaged them outside of working hours and i never used emojis or unproffessional language.
He is a liar and you would do best to get rid.
You can never trust him and if he has not cheated already he will.

mummytofourbabies Tue 06-Sep-16 06:37:48

Men angry
They have awful ways of making us women feel like this, op u poor thing as if having a little baby isn't hard enough without this to worry about too.

Just ask him outright, only way you will know, I've never been a believer in keeping my mouth shut.
Tell him u read the messages and want to know what the deleted ones say? It's up to you how you deal with this though, is it easy to tell when he's lying?

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 06:43:05

Oh really?? He has messaged other people before on his phone. I think a few men too. Tbh I would also say this is quite unprofessional but I think he gets his employees to do the same. Not 100% sure though, this is what he's just told me

seb1234567890 Tue 06-Sep-16 06:48:57

It sounds that you both need to have a chat, a proper chat. Having a new born can be very hard work and this may be adding strain to the relationship. It could be the case of establishing your boundaries everyone has their own moral compass understanding that by talking through it is the best way to go.
Would suggest that there is no incrimination in the chat everyone has a moral compass it maybe that his is not as compatible with own within the standard considered norm.
Once you both understand were you stand you can then decided what and how to deal with this.
On the phone looking this may seem bad but everyone has looked at a letter read a diary or sneaked a peek at text message, but it is breaking someone's trust.
From a male perspective I would avoid in the chat, giving the feeling of being trapped or blame most men revert to child being caught with hand in the sweet jar and this will not work with a chat about were you stand.
hope this helps.

Viviene Tue 06-Sep-16 06:57:46

One of my male colleagues has an annoying habit of putting emoticons in the emails. I find it utterly unprofessional but he's senior to me so I can't really say anything. He doesn't message me on the private phone though or outside office hours.
If I was selling a house I would be really annoyed to be messaged by the estate agent at 11pm.

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 07:07:42


No it's not easy to tell when he's lying. Although he's just woken up and said you fell asleep at 9 but I couldn't get to sleep until half 11. I was emailing people and messaging his guy friend. He's being very clingy and wants hugs this morning which is very unlike him.

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 07:18:19

Thank you for the advice. Surely he knows his morals are wrong if he is having to delete messages sad I think we definitely need a chat

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 07:22:31


I know, although he does this in texts. It started off which hardly any and then there were more and more winks by the end of the message thread. She obviously didn't seem too bothered about being messaged that late.

He now keeps asking if I love him, which again is not like him. Making me so much more suspicious.

With having an 11 week old baby this makes things so much harder sad

Goingtobeawesome Tue 06-Sep-16 07:32:12

Actually it is easier as the baby won't remember anything different if you leave. It seems to me he's up to no good be it flirting he's hoping will go somewhere or chats after snogging her at the "meeting."

TheNaze73 Tue 06-Sep-16 08:13:03

Sorry to say it OP but, it does sound odd. I'd cut him slack about not sleeping until 11pm, I'd think that's not out of the ordinary for a lot of people but, the attention he's giving that 'client' to me feels wrong

mummytofourbabies Tue 06-Sep-16 08:19:53

Hmm, the clinginess and the reassurance could be signs of guilt.
It's a hard one, but if you don't trust him then I would say that's your answer right there, suspicion and no trust will always kill a relationship.

Ask him, see how he reacts, and take it from there.
Good luck flowers

NotTheFordType Tue 06-Sep-16 09:01:48

Guilty conscience. Sorry but I think he's already had some form of sexual contact with this "client".

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 09:17:30

I had a feeling this might be a guilty conscience thing sad

Kr1stina Tue 06-Sep-16 09:34:55

I've also never had any texts filled with emojis from clients EVER, let alone at 11pm. Mostly we use email.

Does he do this to male clients and elderly female clients too?

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 09:47:03


I think most are through email but think he has messaged a few men and elderly women but it's normally very professional and no emojis and very to the point of the house. Very minimal messages. His message was originally professional and I think by the way she responded with emojis and what not he then did too and then it went from there

0dfod Tue 06-Sep-16 09:48:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 10:51:10


I'm really not sure sad I want to confront him but without evidence I feel it might be twisted

mumandgran61 Tue 06-Sep-16 12:12:57

In my experience, if he is a serial liar and cheat (his past behaviour would suggest this) confronting him without hard evidence will only lead to gaslighting in the form of some story which seems so ridiculous it can only be true (you would not believe the crap my ex came up with over many, many years). So, if you think this is all very suspicious my advice is keep quiet, collect evidence till there's no way he can worm his way out of it, get your exit plan worked out - but also, if you still think there is a chance for the relationship to work, ask him if he's having any problems and listen carefully to his answers. We managed to have a good few years after I did this before he reverted to his 'normal' behaviour, and it was worth it. And in all of this, which is emotionally so draining, your top priority is your baby, so mentally put your problems with your OH into a box and only deal with them when you really have to. Enjoy your baby, that's your reality.

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 12:40:59

Thank you so much for your advice, my mum suggested the same thing when I told her this morning too. He would definitely try worm his way out of it, I swear he thinks I'm dumb and don't suspect anything. I'm not sure he can change his ways, he does not like talking about feelings which is another problem. Very frustrating!
Yes my baby comes first now, I just want what's best for him

croatiamom Tue 06-Sep-16 13:14:49

Go with your gut instinct, try and stay strong and normal and gather evidence he WILL slip up. Mine did this week and when I did the reveal he denied it tried to gaslight then when I pulled the rabbit out of the hat he had to back down...once they start lying they cant stop. Im only keeping going due to my DS he needs me so does your little one. Please, please gather the evidence it hurts and I mean it hurts a lot but Im glad I did as I knew 100% then

MintCooler Tue 06-Sep-16 13:20:30

How did you gather the evidence? Text it to yourself? Email?
I bet you were so relieved that he couldn't gaslight it in the end! Gas lighting is awful, makes you question your own sanity!!

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