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Penny has dropped finally what a complete tossed my STBXH is

(5 Posts)
user1472418611 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:57:22

To cut a long story short, my husband decided around 2 months ago that he didn't want to be with me anymore and we decided to seperate - he was adamant there was nobody else, he just wasn't in love with me anymore.
Fast forward 2 months and he is refusing to pay anything towards our house, refusing to move out and generally claiming poverty as I am the higher earner and he has no money from his minimum wage job (that he chose to take following 2 years not working due to stress)
I'll be completely honest, I suspect there is someone else (he insists not) and I've secretly harboured hope that he will change his mind and things will go back to normal - well now I know that won't happen, and I don't want him back if he came begging.
We had a meeting tonight to discuss selling the house and starting mediation (which he has been stalling due to work being sooo busy) and he informed me that he has no intention of getting a better paid job (even though he is capable) and that he intends to claim maintenance so that he can afford to rent somewhere. He also accused me of having secret savings accounts (if only!!) and he doesn't believe me when I tell him there is no equity in the house - even though I have given him copies of the mortgage statements.
We both have personal debt (and a CCJ each) due to foolish spending in the past (I now see I was trying to buy him things and holidays to keep him happy) and he thinks I should take on all the debt as I am the higher earner!
Tonight I finally saw sense and realised I'm so much better off without him and that I have the strength to get through this - hopefully at 47 I'm not too old to find someone more worthy of me than he is.
I have 2 days off later this week and I intend to try to find a rental property so that I can move out and stop paying all the bills on the house and will be chasing my solicitor to file the divorce petition.
Onwards and upwards (and I'm posting this to remind me what a dick he is when the inevitable doubts start to creep in)

MrsDc7 Mon 05-Sep-16 22:05:54

Onwards and upwards indeed... Good luck mate xx

tribpot Mon 05-Sep-16 22:05:57

Do you have any children? I think without them his chances of spousal maintenance are minimal - have a read of this.

That said, I'm not sure you can just move out of the house and abandon him with the bills. I also think it may be reasonable to take on a greater share of the debt but perhaps your solicitor has advised otherwise?

It sounds like you will be immeasurably better off without him. I find it hard to believe he doesn't have another meal ticket lined up in the wings.

pullingmyhairout1 Mon 05-Sep-16 22:08:41

If you have a joint mortgage you will be jointly and severally liable. Make sure this is paid at least or it will screw your credit.

user1472418611 Mon 05-Sep-16 22:13:30

No we don't have children - I won't be leaving him with all the debt, more is in my name than his which I will be paying off.
I need to move out for my sanity - living together at the moment is giving me anxiety attacks and I'm due to start counselling this week. I plan to try to switch the mortgage to interest only which I will continue to pay until the house is sold, but the other bills he can deal with - if he was willing to make a small contribution I wouldn't mind, but he is paying zero and expecting to live here rent free - I may be the higher earner, but at the moment he has much more disposable income than I do!

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