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Relationship with older guy, will it work?

(30 Posts)
Movingonwards Mon 05-Sep-16 13:49:04

There is a guy from work, there has been some flirting going on between us for a while until I found out he was in a relationship, he then split from his girlfriend a few weeks back and moved back to his mums, it was along time coming, gf was abusive and so on. Last week I asked him out for a drink, not really a date as it wasn't just the 2 of us, he stayed at mines, we kissed nothing more, yet. I can't get him out my head and I know that he's keen too.

I'm 24, have 3 kids, my partner (kids father) passed away. He is 48 with 1 child, he is only 2 years younger than my parents and my parents know him too. I've never had a relationship with anyone older than me, they have always been the same age. I don't know whither to see how things go between us or to cut it off before we get emotionally attached, I'm scared because even though I do really like him, what if when we start to get into a proper relationship and I then freak because of the age difference and hurt him or the other way about.

Just looking for some experiences from people who have maybe been in a relationship with a big age gap or know people who are??

Should I go for it or run for the hills ???? Help!!!!

adora1 Mon 05-Sep-16 13:53:17

Very much a personal choice but it wouldn't be for me, that's a massive age gap, plus I'd also remember there are two sides to every story and I'd wonder if he was still emotionally attached if they only broke a few weeks ago, plus - he was chasing you whilst in a relationship - I'd not be impressed with that either.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 05-Sep-16 13:56:30

When you are in your prime mid 40's, he will be 70.
How do you feel about that?
Big age gaps can work but I'd feel a bit icky at 24 with someone nearly 50.
But we are all different and like different things.
I'm the same age as the 'older guy' and the thought of getting jiggy with someone young enough to be my son is just... <shudders>

TokenGinger Mon 05-Sep-16 14:02:40

At 24, you're far too young to be dating a nearly 60 year old man. As you rightly point out, he's the same age as your parents.

I understand it works for some but as another poster pointed out, imagine in 20 year when you're still young and he's 70.

Age aside, I would not be entertaining anybody fresh out of an abusive relationship. They need time to process and heal.

Movingonwards Mon 05-Sep-16 14:02:41

The fact he has just broken up with his ex is playing on my mind, she definitely was abusive but whether it was totally 1 sided I have no idea. He wasn't chasing me, I sort of instigated the flirting but I stupidly just assumed he was single when I found out he wasn't it stopped and I hadn't seen much of him at work until a couple of weeks ago when he mentioned that he was back at his mums. Wtf never seen this situation coming...

ninenicknames Mon 05-Sep-16 14:05:22

Same age gap between me & DS's Dad, I'm 40.

It's fine ..... We get on, fancy each other, have fun & love our son.

Go for it. Why not

StrawberryTot Mon 05-Sep-16 14:05:23

I agree that age is completely personal preference, one I'm a fan of.

I was in a relationship for 14 years with my ex (the father to my two offspring), he was 12 years older than me, the relationship breakdown had nothing to do with age. My current partner is 16 years older than me and so far so good grin

I'll also add both my brother and sister are also fans of an older partner, my brothers partner is 12 years older and my sister's partner has 14 or 15 years on her (I think). The father of her child was 21 years older, again they seperated because he was a prick not age related.

The only thing I struggle with is what term to use, I feel too old to say boyfriend but partner seems too soon.

Movingonwards Mon 05-Sep-16 14:06:21

When you put it in that context it makes me cringe 🙈, I think it's because he doesn't look or act his age I was gobsmacked when I found out his age I thought he was only around mid 30s, I also can't imagine breaking it to my parents if it progressed.

StrawberryTot Mon 05-Sep-16 14:07:26

Just for reference i'm 31.

adora1 Mon 05-Sep-16 14:18:01

I'd just be thinking in 20 years time he will be hitting 70 and I would be 44, what about kids then, you happy not to have any?

Also, something a bit icky about a man nearly 50 wanting to even date a 24 year old.

Movingonwards Mon 05-Sep-16 14:23:25

I really really fancy him, it's like a schoolgirl crush, tbh he's not really that good looking but there is just something about him, we are both working tonight and I want to ask him if he fancies doing something on Friday as the kids are away.. pps it's lovely that you are both happy in a relationship with a large age gap and it shows that it can work as long as it's the right person, just not sure what I'm letting myself in for!!

Movingonwards Mon 05-Sep-16 14:24:40

Adora, I have 3 kids from my previous relationship and definitely will never have anymore.

adora1 Mon 05-Sep-16 14:33:25

Sorry so you do! Oh well one thing you don't have to worry about then!

TheLastRoseOfSummer Mon 05-Sep-16 15:00:17

He's double your age. 24 years older than you. I'd think twice about dating someone where the age difference was half that.

I'm 41 and already most 48 year old men feel very 'old' to me. I know one man who is 50 and he is very youthful and very fit, yet the signs of age are still there. I can tell you one thing for sure, I would not want to be tied to a man who is 65. I know 65 year old men and they are way too old for me!

If you are seriously interested in him and get the sense that he is too, then you can always take it very slowly. There's no rush is there?

TheNaze73 Mon 05-Sep-16 15:41:24

I'd go for it op. Don't get her up visualising the future, live for the now & see how it goes

TheNaze73 Mon 05-Sep-16 15:41:34

Het up

grobagsforever Mon 05-Sep-16 18:25:59

OP, as someone who also lost my children's father young (husband died when I was 33) I would never start a relationship with someone that much older due to the near certainty I'd be widowed young again. Once was enough for me. Go for someone who have a chance of a decent number of years with. Sorry if that sounds blunt but seriously whu put yourself through it twice? There are thousands of men out there.

TeacupDrama Mon 05-Sep-16 18:31:32

My dad is almost 20 years older than my mum they will have been married 50 years next year my dad is over 90 now but still quite active though slower so they do take it easier but for my mum there was 45 years when age made no difference at all it does now as dad as stopped driving and other things but they are happy which is what counts

Trills Mon 05-Sep-16 18:39:37

Forget the age gap, it still sounds like a bad idea to me.

He was flirting with you while with his ex.

They've been split up only a few weeks.

That does not sound like someone you want to get involved with.

user7755 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:44:55

If your personalities click, your ages won't necessarily be an issue. I know lots of age gap relationships, one of them is about the same as yours. All of them very happy.

Some interesting / creative maths on here - perhaps to make a point? He's 48.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 05-Sep-16 18:50:28

Friend of mine took up with a much older chap, it was great to start with but ten yrs later his health has really gone down hill and she's like his carer now. But then again awful things can happen to young men

Justaboy Mon 05-Sep-16 18:54:34

Well FWIW i had a marriage with a younger woman and that was a 20 year age gap but it lasted almost 19 years and the age gap wasn't anything to do with the split.

However i thought that I was pushing it at 20 years let alone 24 but if you can accept that he is going to age and can cope with it then its very much up to you. I have heard of wider age splits working well and perhaps the age gap per se isn't the main thing perhaps commonalities and sheared views interests attitudes and the like are more important.

Best though to see how it goes and as Trills comments find out a bit more of what went on between him and his ex and I think also until you live with someone you don't know what their really like.

Other than that these days how long does the average marriage and or unmarried relationship last ?, I have read its something like 11.4 years so make of that when you will.

As to him passing away you did that your partner passed away too so he was around your age?.

Moral is live each days as it comes it seems!

midcenturymodern Mon 05-Sep-16 18:58:25

ime, 24 and 48 is ok, 34 and 58 is ok, 44 and 68 is pushing it and 54 and 78 is where you really do have different lifestyles. There are plenty of exceptions but I've seen enough frustrated women in their 50s managing jobs, teenagers and having to run the house and do 'caring' work for an elderly husband to put me off. In this case I'd be put off by all the other stuff too.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 05-Sep-16 18:59:56

I think you should take things very slow.

DorindaJ Mon 05-Sep-16 19:06:52

Do you have any common interests, a similar outlook, shared sense of humour? Are you attracted to his personality or is it just lust/a crush?

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