I need advice please

[Libby2267]

Hi, really need some advice ! Ive been in a relaionship with my partner for just over a year now, although we have known each other for over 20 years through our childrens school. I was in quite a controlling reltionship before that for over 14 years. I have never been so happy, we have a very loving and happy relationship except later hit a couple of bumps, one of which i havent yet told him about ! Before he met me he hadnt had a longterm relationship for 14 years or been with anyone for 7 years. One evening we were talking and the subject of past history came up since ive been with him he talked quite alot about a woman at work, no problem, im not a jealous person ? I have met this woman at his birthday party with her husband and had given her a lift home one evening, i suddenly said to him, was it that woman who he had had an affair with 7 years ago , he was divorced, she was married at the time. He said it was, i was very angry, not that he had a past but that he hadnt told me when i had met her ! Reasonable or not i dont know ? Anyway he is retiring soon and having a big family, friends and work colleagues party, i told him that i would not feel comfortable if she was attending as i felt now part of their secret, he tried to comfort me, as i was upset, because i felt silly, hurt and duped ? He said he would never cheat on me anyway. he has no secrets Well, call it women's intuition, i looked on his messages on his ipad on saturday, ive never done it before, he had left it unlocked, i know his code anyway, and there was a message on there, from another colleague, different department, asking about his retirement do. He had given her the details, then went on to say dress code - low cut ! She went on to say" ok "he said "he would look once" she said "not much point then" he said "you know you want to" she said "ok i will" he said "great decision making skills" To say im upset is an understatement, that is why i am awake at this ungodly hour. I will have to confront him about it as that is the type of person i am. Am i doing the right thing ? Help ! X

[hellsbellsmelons]

Yes you are.
I'd have to confront as well.
Probably nothing too much in it but it's very inappropriate flirting from both of them.
Confront and see how it goes from there.

[ImperialBlether]

He's a liar and he's flirting outrageously. I wouldn't be happy either.

[Resilience16]

He says he has no secrets when you know he obviously does.
He had no qualms getting together wiith a married woman.
He flirts inappropriately with another work colleague.
Go with your gut feeling on this one.
Also look up "mentionitis", I'd be surprised if the relationship with the married woman is quite as over as he claims it is.
Good luck.

[Backtoschoolyay]

I would not be impressed if my partner talked like that with a colleague.