Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Long distance relationships

(10 Posts)
airforsharon Sun 04-Sep-16 21:52:41

I recently started talking to someone on OLD, we're getting on well but we live around a 2 hour drive/4 hour train journey apart. Is that too far to realistically consider? Has anyone managed to maintain a relationship when there's a long (ish) journey involved to see each other?

BreatheDeep Sun 04-Sep-16 22:20:04

There was an hour and half car journey between me and my husband when we started dating. It worked out for us in the end. If it's good and you want it to work then you'll make it work. Only time will tell!
But if it's bad you have the perfect excuse to not continue wink

Castleonacloud Sun 04-Sep-16 22:24:48

I had a similar distance to you OP, we are still together and happily married over 15yrs later!

We got together young, and just made it work, was when mobile phones were just catching on, so used good old snail mail and wrote letters a few times a week, spoke daily and saw each other as often as we could.

I suppose it comes down to how much you want it to work, if you want it to it will! smile

xx

airforsharon Mon 05-Sep-16 07:54:10

That's good to hear, thanks!

StirredNotShaken Mon 05-Sep-16 09:57:21

I am having a relationship with a man who lives 2 hrs drive or 2.5hrs by train each way. It has its downside in that we have to arrange all our meets in advance so there is no spontaneity at all and we cannot just sit in with a bottle of wine and a movie or pop out for a drive and a meal etc. But I have two children anyway (he has none) so we could not do that anyway I guess. The upside is that we always have a great time as the normal day to day shit doesn't get in our way. I don't have to get pissed off because he forgot the milk, got home late, can;t make it to parents' eve etc. We get all the best bits of a relationship plus we both have our space. Every time we get together it is fun and stress free and we make sure we do something lovely whether that is wine and a movie, going out for dinner, going to an occasions with friends etc. Having said all that, I don't want to move things forward as I don't want to remarry (I'm widowed) and I don't want a permanent live in partner, it would drive me insane. We both have our own lives but make space in them for each other.

airforsharon Mon 05-Sep-16 11:37:11

That's really interesting Stirred - i'm separated (18 months now) with 3 dcs and really like having my own space. So i'm not against there being some distance, and yes, hope that would mean we'd make better use of the time we were together. But I think she is looking for someone that she's close to so there's the opportunity to do things on the spur of the moment, and if things get more serious, moving in together would be more straightforward. I don't think either of us would want to move area, and tbh i'm not sure if living with someone is something i'd want in the near-ish future....

I'm starting to think it's not the distance that's going to be an issue, as much as we might be looking for different things. It's a shame because we're getting on really well.

Ozzieshunni Mon 05-Sep-16 11:40:15

I'm from California and my husband is from Scotland. We maintained a long distance relationship for the better part of a year until we could move over here.

It worked for us, and I would have given anything at times to be closer. However, as you say, you're looking for different things, don't keep it going. Moving, regardless of location, is a big step for either person :-) Best of luck!

Ragwort Mon 05-Sep-16 11:52:28

Yes - DH and I lived four hours drive apart when we first started dating (years before mobile phones/internet was common place grin) - we've been married nearly 30 years now.

I think there is a lot to be said for not living too near each other, certainly the older and more set in your ways you get.

But as you say - depends if you are looking for a pleasant friendship/relationship or more of a 'live in partnership'?

maggiethemagpie Mon 05-Sep-16 21:44:29

My husband lived 200 miles away when I met him.... it would have been a deal breaker but within a few weeks he was telling me he wanted to move to live with me. With many men this would have put me off but we had fallen in love by then and to be honest I'd have moved to where he was if he hadn't moved to me.

He moved in three months later and we're still together now 7 years later. So yes it can work.
HOWEVER the big things is, you need to decide fairly early on if one of you will move to the other. If there is no end in sight, IMHO it won't last.

Mummydummy Tue 06-Sep-16 21:22:31

I had a relationship till earlier this year with a guy in Australia. It lasted a year an a half and we met every 3 months for a couple of weeks. We spent a lot of time on skype and facetime. He was planning to come and live with me to make it work - probably in another year. It was crazy but we did it because we were crazy about each other. And in the end it wasnt the distance that caused us to split up.

Many many years ago I had a relationship for 3 or 4 years where we lived 2 hours apart. We ended up getting married and being together for 20 years all in. You have to be strong, independent and trusting, (if youre jealous it will drive you crazy) keep up lots of contact and really care to make it work. We had some blips but we managed it.

BTW - I'm not against short distance relationships! You just cant help who you fall for.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now