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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Best OLD sites for kinky people?

27 replies

goldensolait · 04/09/2016 21:10

Not sure what section to post this under but after having some relationships ending because of a mismatch in the bedroom, I think it's for the best I stop dating in the 'regular' pond and go for someone that I know straight up has similar tastes as my own. What are the best sites to go for? I have never done any sort of OLD before but willing to give it a go. Any other pearls of wisdom regarding safety?

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daisychain01 · 04/09/2016 21:20

The only thing I can comment on is regarding safety.

If you meet new people let a trusted friend know where you'll be.
Have an escape route planned eg a sudden "emergency" you have to rush off to, if the date doesn't feel right.
Don't get into a situation that could compromise your safety until you feel absolutely confident with the person and their motives.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 04/09/2016 21:25

I haven't tried it myself but I've heard people on here talk about Fetlife.

Personally I just found a vanilla one and corrupted him

DefinitelyNotRuth · 04/09/2016 21:27

There used to be an amazing site called informed consent but that has closed down now. Try Fetlife and look up a local munch. They are full of normal people who just like alternatives in the bedroom and that way you can get to know someone in a public place so no worries in terms of safety... Although in my experience, the kink scene is a small world and oddballs are spotted and chased out pretty quickly.
Good luck on your journey. Hope you find the right person for you.... I did

TiggyD · 04/09/2016 21:28

Any hint of weirdness in a person, don't consider it.

The sites you pay for tend to have fewer timewasters.

Set yourself a few red lines. eg dick pics, into scat, folk dancing, just ignore all the poster who don't meet your minimum requirements. Be ruthless.

Er, what sort of things are you looking for by the way?

DefinitelyNotRuth · 04/09/2016 21:28

There used to be an amazing site called informed consent but that has closed down now. Try Fetlife and look up a local munch. They are full of normal people who just like alternatives in the bedroom and that way you can get to know someone in a public place so no worries in terms of safety... Although in my experience, the kink scene is a small world and oddballs are spotted and chased out pretty quickly.
Good luck on your journey. Hope you find the right person for you.... I did

TiggyD · 04/09/2016 21:29

I hear Fetlife isn't really made for OLD. More for real life meets and munches.

DefinitelyNotRuth · 04/09/2016 21:34

DH just suggested OKCupid. Apparently it's really easy to spot kinksters on there due to the questions you have to answer.... Who knew!

goldensolait · 04/09/2016 21:39

Thanks daisy, points noted and will be followed.

I'm already on Fet after a few years break from it but no-one has sparked my interest as yet. Did try a local munch some years back but the group here is very small and cliquey and what I see on Fet now lots of in-fighting and drama, not sure I can be bothered with that.

Ah if only it were that easy for me Feedme, I've had moderate success in the past but my last relationship has burned me with trying that. Both of us ended up broken hearted because no matter how we tried and how much love was there there they were nilla through and through and I'm not.

Tiggy, a relationship with bdsm involved

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goldensolait · 04/09/2016 21:40

Thanks daisy, OLD is a completely new world to me.

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goldensolait · 04/09/2016 21:42

Sorry last message was to definitely

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LovesPeace · 04/09/2016 21:48

Alt.com?

DefinitelyNotRuth · 04/09/2016 22:00

OLD is definitely the way forward imp. Met lovely DH on (now defunct) Informed Consent 4 yrs ago and are now happily married with nearly two DC (due DD2 on Saturday!!)
Only thing is, now we are too tired to be kinky haha!

TiggyD · 04/09/2016 22:16

Alt.com costs a bit, but check it out for a month and see what happens. I'd join Fetlife too though.

And there's always clown dating!

goldensolait · 05/09/2016 00:09

I hear you Definitely, kink took the backburner for a few years when my two were little. Only the past while I've felt I have the energy for it again

Checked out okcupid. According to the questions I am political and kinky, who knew

Thanks Tiggy, I'll keep my profile going with Fetlife and see how that goes. Find it disheartening how many men there are on there that message me that obviously never read profiles, they see 'female' and leap in purely looking for some woman to Domme them. Then there's the ones who I converse well with and let slip they are married Maybe I should try another munch.

I'll have a look at Alt.com too. Clown dating is one I have never ever heard of either.

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Janie143 · 05/09/2016 00:33

Alt.definitely Chat to folks on instant messaging is free Also people can PM you which is free to reply to You only have to pay if you want to message first. I met an amazing dom on there

goldensolait · 05/09/2016 02:26

That sounds promising cheers Janie, Is Alt geared towards the more hook up 'play' scenarios or relationship ones or a mixture? Is it just Dom and sub? I am mainly on the s side but do have switchy tendencies occassionally, only with women though which I hate saying as it makes me feels terribly sexist

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GhettoFabulous · 05/09/2016 08:41

I met my partner on Collarspace.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 05/09/2016 08:52

OkCupid is great for kinky people. You need to answer at least 100 questions for the algorithms to work properly but when they do they're great. I only meet people with a 90% match or higher. I have met lots of delightful perverts.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 05/09/2016 08:54

I don't recommend Fet as a way of meeting people btw. I use Fet as a way of keeping in touch with people I know IRL. it's basically Facebook for perverts. Any strangers who message me on there are ignored.

PixieMiss · 05/09/2016 11:39

I met my DP on Fet. We have a DS together and are getting married next month

Try munches or meets in your next town over? Or your nearest city?

inthenickoftime · 05/09/2016 13:08

I met Dfiancée on fetlife. He was the only person who messaged me that had read my profile and asked about ME not my kinks.

If you can find a local munch that is a bit more relaxed I would say that's the way to go. You can meet people and get a better feel for them. It's a lot easier to "compare notes" so to speak. The blokes you need to give a wide berth to are usually well known in the circles.

dontcrynow · 05/09/2016 13:18

TiggyDee what is folkdancing in the kinky world? You mentioned it upthread

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GeekyWombat · 05/09/2016 14:08

Another recommendation for Collarspace here. There's a lot of fakers on there but it only takes one lovely filthy one ;)

Fetlife is fun but definitely more for munches etc which wasn't right for me. I ended up chatting about Game of Thrones a lot instead!

Good luck.

TiggyD · 05/09/2016 14:20

Folk dancing is a 'red line' for most people, surely? As soon as you realise the other person is into it you say "whoa! Not for me!" and you move on. Same as playing the bagpipes or a fondness for Simply Red.

goldensolait · 05/09/2016 14:51

So fet not completely out of the running. Good to know.

Startled every time I see your username it tickles me and I love the phrase 'delightful perverts'

Geek, I'm the same and once got told in pm I'm not the usual chatter they found on there, meant as a compliment I think

Cheers for all the suggestions and congrats on the upcoming wedding Pixie

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