My reaction to my parents is making me feel scared and so alone.
I will give a bit of background as it might help. I had an ok childhood (little sister was seen as the favourite as she had certain talents I didn't have, parents have apologised about their treatment towards me... I was pushed out a lot and left on my own when my parents devoted time to my sister's particular talent. They didn't apologise voluntarily, I mentioned it to them and then they gave some form of apology). There's other things that went on, that shock me to think back on, but I did feel loved by them even if I didn't always feel secure.
Anyway, I've always been described as difficult. The difficult one. Hard to bring up. Tricky. All these things. I'm 30 now and have settled into a good career, and have been on speaking terms with all my family (best relationship of the lot is with my sister, though we are not hugely close).
Over the last few years I began to question my parents treatment towards me. Not just as a child but as an adult. Examples - they will only meet for lunch if I drive to see them, or 80 percent of they journey. They never meet halfway. When I moved to a new city, to a new flat with 300(!!) stairs and no lift, they said they couldn't help me move that day because they had friends over for lunch (I couldn't alter the day as I was in a tenancy, and so I told them not to worry). The most recent thing was organising a holiday with my sister and her husband and not telling me until the last minute... When they asked if I could go obviously I had to say no, I couldn't get the afternoon off to drive down on the same day!!!! They didn't seem to see that it was hurtful they had arranged a holiday without me, and said they'd done it because they thought I wouldn't have wanted to go...
Anyway, most recent occasion two weeks ago was similar. They invited me to join them over bank holiday in their holiday home. It was 500 miles a away so they said we would all go in one car. 2 days before we leave they tell me they can no longer have me in the car as they are taking extra things to their house to finish furnishing it. This was the last straw for me. I had booked time off work, and didn't have much money so they knew the petrol for a 1000 mile round trip would be too expensive. I didn't argue with them, I just text and said I couldn't go and then blocked their numbers. I couldn't deal with any more emotional mind fucks. They eventually called on a withheld number a week later and I answered. Mum said she had been texting all week (which is what I knew they would do and make me feel guilty and so on).
Anuway... To get to the point. It's my sisters birthday on Saturday and I know they will want to organise things. But the week I blocked their numbers I was SO happy (it makes me feel sad to type that but it's true). I was very calm and I didn't even miss them... They make me feel incredibly anxious when I speak to either of them. It always feels like they are against me. I don't know what to do... Cutting them off seems drastic when they haven't done anything too bad but then I have felt so good without hearing from them.
While I'm asking for advice... Do any parents automatically not have their kids back? By that I mean would they be automatically dismissive of their child's story of a teacher being mean to them, for instance? And automatically assume it was the kids problem not the teachers? I ask because I notice my friends with kids always listen seriously to their kids but mine never seemed to... It was as if they were always suspicious of me! When I genuinely was a quiet and shy child.
Rant over. Feel so down tonight.
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Relationships
When your parents presence makes you feel horrendous - how did I get to this point?
Itsnotmycoat · 04/09/2016 20:28
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