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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Porn and Strip Clubs as a Deal Breaker?

30 replies

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 15:46

I am a long term inmate of mumsnet. Many name changes & much good advice, which I am in need of once again.

I worked as a topless model in my teens & then moved onto the more morally corrupt career of banking. I married young, had 2 Dcs, divorced. I then worked in the bar of a strip club to fund my degree (2:1 hons ).

I'm now in my 40s, stayed in touch with an ex (not father of Dcs) for over 20 years (now ex military).

We have met up a lot over the past couple of months. He knows my history.
Ive recently come into some money. He suggested I invest it in a strip club
I told him how I felt (again - he already knows how I feel). A few swear words were involved on my part.

I don't think he gets it. He's now saying if he knew how I felt he wouldn't have said it. To me, that's not the point. He's also said I have used this as an excuse to tell him I think he's a joke

Arrrrrrrgh. I know I'm going to drip feed & apologies in advance. I'm just feeling the rage.

I'm now reverting back to pre therapy & counselling & wanting to apologise to him (for having an opinion??? Ffs???)

Fuckity Fuck, please tell me what you think.
Ta in advance
(if I don't answer straight away it's because I'm looking after a very elderly relative - more stress)

OP posts:

Report

Saltfish · 04/09/2016 15:53

Oh god it's all about him and his wounded masculinity isn't it?

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 15:57

Arf... was the 'ex military' a give away clue?

OP posts:

allthecarbs · 04/09/2016 15:59

Well I don't agree with his opinion but he is entitled to it. You don't have to do as he says.

aginghippy · 04/09/2016 15:59

He doesn't respect you.

Saltfish · 04/09/2016 15:59

Are you in a relationship with him or heading towards that way?

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 16:07

I have told him he is entitled to his views - if he wants to go to strip clubs, watch porn etc. that's OK. I won't dictate what I think he should do.

I have also told him my views - I am against the exploitation of women. I view porn & strip clubs as exploitation & degradation towards women. I could go on. At the moment I'm stuck for words.

OP posts:

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 16:09

That ^ was confusing. I'm OK if that's what he likes. But I wouldn't want s relationship with him.

OP posts:

HuskyLover1 · 04/09/2016 16:45

Well, you worked as a topless model. Then later you worked in a strip club. So, I'm guessing he thinks you are ok with such things. If you had a real problem with it, you wouldn't have worked in that industry. I am no prude, but you wouldn't get me doing topless modelling or working in strip club, for any amount of money at all.

If you're not in a relationship with him, why do you care anyway?

Northernparent68 · 04/09/2016 16:57

It's too late now to decide topless modelling and strop clubs are degrading to women

EstellaHavisham · 04/09/2016 17:03

I'm not even sure I understand the first post.
You worked as a topless model and at a strip club. Your friend suggests you invest some money you have come into, into a strip joint.
You don't want to.

So what is the issue?

AnyFucker · 04/09/2016 17:05

I don't think it is too late to have a moral problem with the sex industry. Some of the most vocal anti campaigners are ex-participants.

I can understand why he thought you might not have a problem with his suggestion but once you made it clear you did he should have apologised and STFU

Bumpmadethemjump · 04/09/2016 17:07

I have no issue with occasional porn but strip clubs would be a deal breaker.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 04/09/2016 17:07

Same reason I wouldn't invest in a haulage company: I drive the damn things, why would I want to join the ranks of the facegrinding criminals that own them?

AnyFucker · 04/09/2016 17:08

Do criminals own haulage companies ?

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 17:10

I was 16/17 when I was modelling topless. Just trying to give some background. In my 20s when doing bar work in a strip club.

OP posts:

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 17:12

Very low self esteem at the time.

OP posts:

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 17:16

And very young! I was literally shaking at my first photo shoot - taking my top off for strangers. Very naive at the time. I thought it was the only way I could earn some decent money.

OP posts:

Toocold · 04/09/2016 17:27

You have every right to not agree with the explotation of women in the sex industry, please don't listen to those that say you don't as you did what you had to do at the time, it's all very well that people say they wouldn't do it for all the money etc, they have no idea of your life or the one you led or lead. I would imagine you and more ex strippers etc would be more than qualified to be against it. Personally it is a deal breaker for me, if my dh even stepped foot in one it would be over, thankfully he agrees with my views, and I think especially having a daughter it is prudent that he does.

Toocold · 04/09/2016 17:28

And you don't need to justify your past to anybody,be proud of who you are.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2016 17:31

Nope, you don't need to justify yourself. I have a problem with the exploitation of both males and females in the sex industry, but I judge only the exploiters

Yoksha · 04/09/2016 17:34

Christ, if we all had to carry on justfying past behaviour?

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 17:51

Thank FUCK FOR THAT. I was doubting myself. I don't need to now.

Thank fuckety. All those in similar situations will know how I feel. I had a wobble. A step back. I'm not evil for going down the path I went as a teen. It means I have more empathy for those who walk the same path.

OP posts:

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HelenaDove · 04/09/2016 18:27

Husky i worked in a sex chatline office. I was on JSA and workfare just before that and they wanted me to do more workfare. So i applied for the chatline job when i saw it in the paper and got it. This was 15 years ago.
i didnt have much choice. No one was employing me. And the higher wage they were paying enabled me to go to a slimming class and lose a lot of weight.
Does that mean ive now forfeited my right to not be a "cool wife" (luckily DH has no interest in this type of thing)

Are women who have previously worked in this industry somehow worth less so dont deserve a relationship with a decent man. Because that is the way your post is coming across.

Principles are lovely things to have...........when you can afford them.

ComedyBoobs · 04/09/2016 19:40

We all do what we have to do when we have to do it.
I'm from an upper 'middle class' family.
I am proud of where I am now. Judge me? That's fine. I won't judge you.

Anyway.....

Is my past clouding my future with regard to relationships?

Man in question wants something more than the occasional shag. I like him. I think he cares for me.

I am damaged by my past, without any shadow of a doubt. I know that. Hence being here.

OP posts:

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 04/09/2016 19:59

AF: they're not when they start, but that changes PDQ. Read the Traffic Commissioner public inquiries

Flip

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