Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does anyone else do this (agree to sex as long as it's quick )

(116 Posts)
whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:07:08

My dh is constantly nagging about sex. I do like sex etc but tbh he picks annoying times or when I really don't feel like it. I know he will be sad or grumpy if I repeatedly say no so I end up just saying something like " just be quick" or whatever blush seriously I feel ridiculous saying it but does anyone else do that I just want it out of the way do I can go to sleep in peace of get up and get on with the day.

UmbongoUnchained Sun 04-Sep-16 00:14:52

No that's absolutely gross. Why would anyone want to have sex with some who doesn't want to?

Why are you even with him?!

IwannaSnorlax Sun 04-Sep-16 00:16:55

I do sometimes Why - it's not that I don't want to, but sometimes can't be bothered, so just prefer it done quickly grin

whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:17:53

We get on well I think we have children and we have been together 17 years. I just hate feeling "mean". It's silly really I just wondered if I was the only who felt this - maybe I am blush

ZippyNeedsFeeding Sun 04-Sep-16 00:18:38

No, if I wasn't enthusiastic my husband wouldn't want to carry on anyway.

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 00:19:31

The few times I have done this many years ago, I was in an abusive relationship

Or just not that into someone

What's your excuse?....because this is not normal. Allowing someone to have sex on you when you don't want them to is fucked up

whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:25:26

Zippy - it doesn't seem to bother him.
Anyfucker - I don't have an excuse I don't think. I just hate it if he huffs a rolls over or if he is moody!

Euphemia Sun 04-Sep-16 00:28:15

22 years together and no, never. Not once.

UmbongoUnchained Sun 04-Sep-16 00:28:17

My husband would be absolutely mortified and ashamed if he realised he was fucking me when I didn't want it. And rightly so.

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 00:30:27

What would he say if you told him that he is using you like a blow up doll ?

whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:36:24

Anyfucker I think he would just think I was overreacting or just look at me like this hmm!

whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:38:04

I've never really thought too much about it until the last few months when it's started bothering me more - I don't know why though!

trufflepiggy Sun 04-Sep-16 00:38:39

My DP would hate the thought that I'm not enjoying sex.

He has never ever nagged me for sex, or made me feel bad about saying no.

So no, in answer to your question.

A mutually agreeable and desired quickie on the other hand is lovely grin

trufflepiggy Sun 04-Sep-16 00:39:46

In fact, I don't think my DP could even ejaculate if he thought I wasn't enjoying myself (sorry to be graphic!)

Meandyouandyouandme Sun 04-Sep-16 00:40:07

Yes I do to keep the peace. I have realised that this isn't right, and I'm in an abusive relationship, and intend to leave. Just trying to find the courage.

DollyPS Sun 04-Sep-16 00:40:58

No means no.
He'd get told to stop the fucking whinging

This is coercion and abusive.

whyohwhycantisleep Sun 04-Sep-16 00:41:14

Meandyou that's how I feel it's just keep the peace and stop him being annoyed at me - although I am not afraid of him in any way he has never hurt me or anything . So I don't know why I'm so desperate to keep the peace!

Meandyouandyouandme Sun 04-Sep-16 00:45:35

My H is quite offen horrible to me and so then I don't want sex, but then he gets all huffy and so it's easier to ignore the arsey behaviour and get on with it. I know it's not right, but it's how I deal with it at the moment.

Meandyouandyouandme Sun 04-Sep-16 00:47:49

I don't know why we try to keep the peace, whyohwhy, it's pretty shit really.

Just trying to find the courage.

I agree that it's abusive. flowers

muddypuddled Sun 04-Sep-16 00:49:16

Yes I've done this, sometimes I just want to go to sleep ASAP and with our two young not good sleepers he gets it. Like now, we went 'to bed' at 10.30 but since both dc have been up twice and so I've not had any sleep yet!

DollyPS Sun 04-Sep-16 00:50:14

You do know he is hurting you by coercing you into sex when you don't want to?

Abuse isn't just physical violence. It's more subtle than that and done over weeks, months, years.

JacquettaWoodville Sun 04-Sep-16 00:53:20

I might hint delicately about timing if it's quite late but we are both up for it....

But that's not your situation. You are not consenting enthusiastically and he damn well knows it. That is not how sex is supposed to be.

JigglypuffsCaptor Sun 04-Sep-16 00:53:31

Well I agree to a quicky as in "c'mon quick before DS wakes up" but not because I didn't want sex and wanted to appease him confused I think DP would genuinely feel mortified if he was shagging me and I didn't want sex, I honestly don't think he would even try. If I say No, he tends to just go "oh ok, night love you"

IwannaSnorlax Sun 04-Sep-16 01:03:01

My comment is definitely of the quickie variety rather than abusive. Sounds like you know something is wrong Op - good luck with sorting that.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now