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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does anyone else do this (agree to sex as long as it's quick )

115 replies

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:07

My dh is constantly nagging about sex. I do like sex etc but tbh he picks annoying times or when I really don't feel like it. I know he will be sad or grumpy if I repeatedly say no so I end up just saying something like " just be quick" or whatever seriously I feel ridiculous saying it but does anyone else do that I just want it out of the way do I can go to sleep in peace of get up and get on with the day.

OP posts:

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UmbongoUnchained · 04/09/2016 00:14

No that's absolutely gross. Why would anyone want to have sex with some who doesn't want to?

Why are you even with him?!

IwannaSnorlax · 04/09/2016 00:16

I do sometimes Why - it's not that I don't want to, but sometimes can't be bothered, so just prefer it done quickly

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:17

We get on well I think we have children and we have been together 17 years. I just hate feeling "mean". It's silly really I just wondered if I was the only who felt this - maybe I am

OP posts:

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 04/09/2016 00:18

No, if I wasn't enthusiastic my husband wouldn't want to carry on anyway.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2016 00:19

The few times I have done this many years ago, I was in an abusive relationship

Or just not that into someone

What's your excuse?....because this is not normal. Allowing someone to have sex on you when you don't want them to is fucked up

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:25

Zippy - it doesn't seem to bother him.
Anyfucker - I don't have an excuse I don't think. I just hate it if he huffs a rolls over or if he is moody!

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 04/09/2016 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UmbongoUnchained · 04/09/2016 00:28

My husband would be absolutely mortified and ashamed if he realised he was fucking me when I didn't want it. And rightly so.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2016 00:30

What would he say if you told him that he is using you like a blow up doll ?

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:36

Anyfucker I think he would just think I was overreacting or just look at me like this !

OP posts:

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:38

I've never really thought too much about it until the last few months when it's started bothering me more - I don't know why though!

OP posts:

trufflepiggy · 04/09/2016 00:38

My DP would hate the thought that I'm not enjoying sex.

He has never ever nagged me for sex, or made me feel bad about saying no.

So no, in answer to your question.

A mutually agreeable and desired quickie on the other hand is lovely

trufflepiggy · 04/09/2016 00:39

In fact, I don't think my DP could even ejaculate if he thought I wasn't enjoying myself (sorry to be graphic!)

Meandyouandyouandme · 04/09/2016 00:40

Yes I do to keep the peace. I have realised that this isn't right, and I'm in an abusive relationship, and intend to leave. Just trying to find the courage.

DollyPS · 04/09/2016 00:40

No means no.
He'd get told to stop the fucking whinging

This is coercion and abusive.

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:41

Meandyou that's how I feel it's just keep the peace and stop him being annoyed at me - although I am not afraid of him in any way he has never hurt me or anything . So I don't know why I'm so desperate to keep the peace!

OP posts:

Meandyouandyouandme · 04/09/2016 00:45

My H is quite offen horrible to me and so then I don't want sex, but then he gets all huffy and so it's easier to ignore the arsey behaviour and get on with it. I know it's not right, but it's how I deal with it at the moment.

Meandyouandyouandme · 04/09/2016 00:47

I don't know why we try to keep the peace, whyohwhy, it's pretty shit really.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:48

Just trying to find the courage.

I agree that it's abusive.

muddypuddled · 04/09/2016 00:49

Yes I've done this, sometimes I just want to go to sleep ASAP and with our two young not good sleepers he gets it. Like now, we went 'to bed' at 10.30 but since both dc have been up twice and so I've not had any sleep yet!

DollyPS · 04/09/2016 00:50

You do know he is hurting you by coercing you into sex when you don't want to?

Abuse isn't just physical violence. It's more subtle than that and done over weeks, months, years.

JacquettaWoodville · 04/09/2016 00:53

I might hint delicately about timing if it's quite late but we are both up for it....

But that's not your situation. You are not consenting enthusiastically and he damn well knows it. That is not how sex is supposed to be.

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JigglypuffsCaptor · 04/09/2016 00:53

Well I agree to a quicky as in "c'mon quick before DS wakes up" but not because I didn't want sex and wanted to appease him I think DP would genuinely feel mortified if he was shagging me and I didn't want sex, I honestly don't think he would even try. If I say No, he tends to just go "oh ok, night love you"

IwannaSnorlax · 04/09/2016 01:03

My comment is definitely of the quickie variety rather than abusive. Sounds like you know something is wrong Op - good luck with sorting that.

Neaders · 04/09/2016 01:10

lol ive been there... after a long day at work, home to kids, dinner, homework, bath, bed then prep for the next day... poor dh just wants some loving and all i want to do is sleep!
Its not abusive!!
i dont think anything is wrong, what you have described sounds normal to me! we have a fantastic marraige - sex is great when its not at the end of a long day (i.e sunday morning before thekids get up, or after work when they are at a sleepover with grandparents).
Its part and parcel of working full time and having 2 young kids!!!

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