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Have to leave him but how?!?!

(17 Posts)
Ladywithababy1 Sat 03-Sep-16 22:26:01

It's all gone horribly wrong. Culmination of an enormous row tonight is that we both aren't happy and ultimately don't really like each other at the moment. My massive resentment has made me super temperental, which led to him calling me unstable. I saw red. Hence the row.

When we were young and foolish we adored each other and had loads of fun. Then DC and proper jobs and so on have encroached and I know it's not as fun anymore, but I find value in our family and in domestic warmth. He patently doesn't.

So, we aren't really compatible. I can see me and DC coping ok (I am the high earner) but I don't know where to start, or even if I want to start?

Sorry for rambling. Just feeling alone.

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 09:24:25


Kr1stina Sun 04-Sep-16 09:38:34

I'm sorry.

Are you asking for practical advice on how to separate ? If so you need to tell us things like if you are married, Mortgage or rented, debts, savings, pensions, do you both work , who cares for kids, how old they are etc etc etc

Or are you looking for emotional support and a place to vent ?

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 10:45:25

More to vent really. Feel so lonely. We are both in the house but not speaking. I am just in tears constantly. I can't bear to accept that it might be over but I can't see any other way out. We are grinding each other down.

Kr1stina Sun 04-Sep-16 13:22:17

Sounds like y have grown up and he hasn't . Or won't .

It's very lonely to be a single parent carrying all the responsibility while you are still living in the same house :-(

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 15:38:18

That's exactly it. I think it would be easier in some respects to go it alone with DS because I am finding it such a struggle and so draining and depressing and sad. It used to be so great.

Kr1stina Sun 04-Sep-16 15:47:21

Sounds like you are in the grieving phase , when you just feel so sad that it's ended up like this. When y are stick there it's hard to make plans and to see that things might be better in the future , when you are not a couple but still co parenting .

If you are the major earner and also the main carer, you might want to get legal advice sooner rather than later . Sorry I know that's an even more depressing idea :-(

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 15:49:50

I think he is depressed so drinking too much and not communicating etc but he won't accept this suggestion and blames everything on me. It's making us both miserable. But the prospect of being alone makes me miserable too. I can't see a way out of all of this.

lanbro Sun 04-Sep-16 15:53:10

I could have written your post. Argument on Friday followed by a very tearful conversation last night have culminated in dh agreeing to move out temporarily so we can get ourselves back on track, hopefully. I am so on the verge of telling him not to go but I know that if we don't sort it this time we'll destroy everything forever. Still love there but life seems to have got in the way, lots of resentment, mainly on my side.

We're very much at last chance saloon. The atmosphere today is friendly but strange, on the verge of tears but keeping it together for the kids.

Do you want to try and salvage your relationship?

Kr1stina Sun 04-Sep-16 15:55:16

Problem is that one person can't salvage it . If you want fundamentally different things in life , it's hard to see how it can work

lanbro Sun 04-Sep-16 15:55:38

We've had the same argument on and off for a couple of years - too much drinking, not enough attention paid to family life, arguments over tiny things blowing up into massive rows - last night was the first time I feel he's actually listened and I think because he finally realised how serious I am that unless we work to fix it now it will be over for good

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 15:58:06

I do but he won't even talk to me today or engage. I kept out of his way with DS all day so he could think. But he seems to still be freezing me out and refuses to speak or play with DS or anything.

Until he will speak to me we are in limbo. It's horrifically lonely. I'm sorry you are going through this too.

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 15:58:54

Exactly the same reasons for us too, drinking, laziness, fundamental lack of kindness or thoughtfulness.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 04-Sep-16 16:09:50

He has withdrawn love from DS because he had a row with you? refuses to speak or play with DS Cunting twatbadger. That's a pretty major line crossed there.

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:44:32

I agree. It's such a fucked up power play. It's all such a mess. I am in such a state.

lanbro Sun 04-Sep-16 18:57:54

I'm not sure what else you can do if he won't even engage. DH completely surprised me by actually listening for once and appearing to understand. He even suggested counselling himself but only time will tell if he's serious and can sustain change.

On a positive he is making more effort with the dc but still giving me space. I hope we can overcome this but I am eternally grateful for my parents and their support whatever happens. They have even offered to buy dh out of our business should the worst happen.

I hope things have improved since this morning

Ladywithababy1 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:17:55

Thanks lanbro and am glad to hear that you managed to straighten some things out.

Nothing has really changed today. We put on a show for DS (who's only 21 months) and he went to bed not long ago. I am about to have a bath and then lie in bed reading. Nothing has been resolved but I am so exhausted I can't use up any energy trying to speak to him, especially when he's in his huffy cold silence mode.

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