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help me stay nc with abusive twunt

(8 Posts)
AprilSkies44 Sat 03-Sep-16 17:23:38

its me again. i know.
there is a long and woeful back story that i wont bore anyone with again (involves losing a baby at 14 weeks due to fetal disability) but last night my "d" p threw me out of his house late at night with all my stuff and my dog. i told him i didnt want to try again for a baby until i knew we were in a stable relationship - presently we dont even live together. he wont even tell his parents he is seeing me. we are both in our 40s.
i struggled massively to get home.
he finished it saying he was too nasty for me. and he is. way way too nasty. he is in fact a total - scuse language - cunt. , abusive, controlling, with many narcissistic traits.
so. now its over. again. but i know when he wants a shag he will start trying to worm his way back. he has form. and im weak and forgiving.
i had to go and pick up the last of my things today but i waited until i knew he would be out. i still have keys. i know i should just post them back.
i cant go completely no contact due to a difficult situation in which we have some contact in our working lives.
i need to stay strong and not text. and not reply to text. its always been me that cracks first, gets in touch then he starts being nice and i give him yet another chance only for him to go and keep smashing my heart to bits.
its ridiculous and needs to stop now. help me.
my friend suggested writing down how i felt stranded in the street with my stuff in bags and my dog and read it next time he contacts me.
but how i felt isnt how i feel now. yes i still get upset when i think about it but not that pain i felt last night struggling to walk home.
i need to be strong for just once. he is harming me.

Cocklodger Sat 03-Sep-16 17:37:54

Just stop.
There are better things out there.
you can talk to us if you need to.
He is NOT good for you.

AprilSkies44 Sat 03-Sep-16 23:55:24

ive blocked him on whats app but dont know how to do it for texts or calls - he wont do either because he needs to feel he has the upper hand at all times.

what i have managed to do is take the keys tonight and post them and walk away. id already taken everything he had at mine including his toothbrush and leave it in the conservatory. i dont want to see anything of his here.

Nonotmenori Sun 04-Sep-16 00:04:58

Have you got an iPhone April? If so, go to contacts, click on his name. Scroll down to block this caller. Then delete him

Nonotmenori Sun 04-Sep-16 00:05:44

Make sure you block him first before deleting him.

FastWindow Sun 04-Sep-16 00:19:30

You need two weeks clear where you cant be contacted or contact him. To unfog your mind.

In this day and age, its virtually impossible to do this. I got my mind cleared in 1993 from my abuser, so no social media available.

Literally, give your phone to someone. Take yourself out of the equation- you can't reply to a text you didnt get.

Or remove yourself physically - is that an option?

FastWindow Sun 04-Sep-16 00:20:37

By remove i mean go somewhere - stay with friends in another city.

AprilSkies44 Sun 04-Sep-16 01:46:46

ive got a samsung galaxy 5......its about 3 years old now and ive no idea how to block a contact.
he wont text.
cant remove myself physically.
went out tonight with friends. friend called - she says i look like ive lost someone or been through an illness. i suppose i have.
i said i know what i look like and burst into tears. he was telling me i was too fat and paying for exercise classes for me. im a size 10/12. she wants to go and punch his lights out which is sweet but wont help.
im going to write this down so i can remember how shit he made me feel. hes reduced me to a shadow of my former self. i used to be confident and vibrant. now im pathetic and sad. and drawn. i look drawn and haggard. and im a walking apology.

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