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Feel like he's ripped my heart out

(10 Posts)
Tingatingatale Sat 03-Sep-16 17:09:51

Hi all

Brief background. I was in an unhappy marriage for a long time. My husband was verbally abusive to me. We hadn't had sex for three years and slept in separate rooms. I tried to leave many times but each time he would talk me out of it - tell me I wouldn't cope, that he wouldn't let me see the children, wouldn't leave the house etc. Earlier this year I met someone on line and we started talking and I fell for him and it finally gave me the courage to leave. I rented a house and moved out with my children. I fell heavily for this man. We made plans for the future but he has never met my children as my ex h still didn't know.

Last week he found out. Today bf has said even though he loves me with all his heart he can't take the shit that comes with me and there will always be a third person in our relationship. He has ended it. I am absolutely devastated. I have spent all day in bed only getting up now children are home. What do I do now? If gave me the courage to leave an unhappy marriage but in the six months I have been with this man I loved him so much more than I ever loved my husband

StirredNotShaken Sat 03-Sep-16 17:58:44

You poor thing! So heartbreaking for you. I think maybe, if this man loves you as much as he says he does, that in a short while he will calm down and maybe re-think his decision. Could you not meet to talk over coffee or something? It seems a bit harsh to just dump you bearing in mind all you have been through. Hope someone comes along with some good advice for you. I would wait until the dust settles and have a talk though.

Livelovebehappy Sat 03-Sep-16 18:11:40

Just focus on the positive thing to come out of this, which is that it gave you the courage to leave an abusive marriage, and I bet you would still have been with your DH if this new relationship hadn't have presented itself. The situation with your DH having just found out you have someone else has only just recently kicked off, so things are bound to be very unsettled at the moment, so maybe once the dust has settled you might be able to meet up with the new man and talk things through. If not, and he meant what he said about ending things, then at least you are free from an abusive relationship with DH, and your life with your DC is bound to be a lot better than it once was.,

Tingatingatale Sat 03-Sep-16 19:01:08

Thanks both.
I feel devastated. I saw every day for six months. He was such a massive part of my life.

I will leave him be now. I don't think he'll change his mind though.

It did give me the courage to leave. My ex h now drops the children off at the end of the road and doesn't look at me. Some mutual friends aren't taking to me and now he's left me anyway

Wasafatmum42 Sat 03-Sep-16 20:28:12

OP I think you were very brave I think you needed that push to take that step to leave an abusive relationship as for bf he has shown his true colours , now is the time for you to rediscover yourself as for the so called friends I wouldn't give them a second thought because they obviously didn't live with your ex and saw his nasty side.

Tingatingatale Sun 04-Sep-16 17:14:04

Thank you.

I can't believe how devastated I am. I haven't eaten since Friday and can't sleep. I am keeping it together when the kids are awake but that's it.

I have actually begged him but he won't change his mind blush

Everything was fine last week and now this.

Ex h now won't speak to me at all. My son asked to phone him earlier and I didn't realise he asked him to pick him up from party for an hour. He is Stil not back and he won't answer phone so I have no idea what time he's back.

It's all for nothing

HappyJanuary Sun 04-Sep-16 17:18:02

It's not all for nothing if you're happier alone than you were in your unhappy marriage.

It's only all for nothing if you're now thinking that you should've stayed married.

Forget your OM. He liked no-strings with you but now you're available he isn't interested in a proper relationship. It says a lot about him.

RosettaPebble Sun 04-Sep-16 17:22:13

What has your exh actually found out op? Just that you have a new man or that you were seeing him when you moved out? He is being abusive whatever the answer but if it is the latter he may calm down and be more reasonable with time?

I'm sorry that your bf has finished things. It must have taken a heck of a lot of courage to leave with your children. You need to find that courage again now. You will come out of this stronger flowers

Tingatingatale Sun 04-Sep-16 17:50:05

I was seen with him and have told my ex h it is a recent thing but he knows it's not Bf has not met the children or anything

donajimena Sun 04-Sep-16 18:21:07

This happened to me quite a few years back and whilst I wasn't devestated (the new BF turned out to be an arsehole) the shit hit the fan with my EA father of my children because he was possessive.
However many many years have passed now and I don't think I would have left if it hadn't been for the springboard.
I'm sorry you are hurting. But its the most wonderful thing that you have left your ex.

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