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To let him go?

(15 Posts)
cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:07:50

I've been in a long distance relationship for four years now. Recently partner moved closer- still a two hour flight away. No idea if he will ever settle in my country. He says he will, and he will make it work. I don't know. My problem is, I'm getting older. (Mid twenties) I have one child. And I'm lonely.
Very lonely sad
I'm afraid he will meet someone in his new country and give up on me.
I want a proper full time relationship. But my problem is I love him so much. I adore him and I don't want anyone else.
He loves me I know, but the stress is getting to us. This move was supposed to make things easier, but all we have done is argue about it (because of my worries). It is very very very early days into the move. I don't know if that makes a difference.
Id like your advice. Give up? Or stay together.

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:10:21

I also want to add, we are very happy together. Frustrated that we can't be together. Stressed over this massive change. But under all that we are still madly in love.

DelphiniumBlue Sat 03-Sep-16 17:13:51

Is there a reason why neither of you can move to the others location? And if he recently relocated, why did he move just a bit closer rather than all the way?

OhNoNotMyBaby Sat 03-Sep-16 17:14:22

Give up now. If he hasn't moved to your own country ffs, within the last 4 years, it's not going to happen.

Mid-twenties is still young. You have LOADS of time ahead of you.

You're lonely - of course you are! Many long-distance relationships can and do work, but this one isn't working for you any more. You clearly want someone in your life on a more permanent basis who can give you the interaction and support you want.

You are afraid he will find someone else. Has he ever said he's afraid YOU will find someone else?

The relationship sounds very one-sided to me, and it's making you unhappy. Give it up and find someone who can offer a real day-to-day relationship with a future.

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Sep-16 17:19:54

I think once you have children you are just not free to be with someone if they live so far away, if your child needs to be near his/her father. It's really tough, I know.

I do think if he really wanted to have a life with you, he would have made it happen with this recent move. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but he's not prepared to go all out to have you with him.

You're mid-twenties, a great age. Maybe now's the time to think that this isn't the time for you and him. Let him go, let yourself go. You're at a fantastic age for meeting new people, though I'm sure you don't want to think of that now, but it will happen.

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:21:15

He hasn't moved to my country as he visa issues means he hasn't been able to. I can't move to his as I have a child in school who would miss his dad. The plan is to keep working on the visa from his new place
He's left his family and friends to move closer. And it will make things easier if I'm honest. I can see him more often now and can take my son with me. I thought that this would be a great thing, but I am doubting it, and acting like a bitch.
He's never said he's afraid I will find someone else. Not blowing my own horn here, but I do get a lot of attention from men. I'm not interested in any, and he knows this.

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:22:28

I just want to say, he's moved to this new country to be closer to me. My country isn't in the picture yet.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Sat 03-Sep-16 17:26:25

Realistically how long are the visa issues likely to take to sort out?

If he has made the move to his current location purely to be a bit closer to you then I'd be inclined to keep seeing each other for at least a few more months to get a better feeling about how the new distance will work and how often you will be able to get together

ElspethFlashman Sat 03-Sep-16 17:28:30

So what's he been doing about a visa for the past 4 years? How long is it estimated to take?

Is there a possibility that he will never be granted a visa?

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:30:43

I don't know how long. If I knew for sure it would happen in even five years , is wait. Could be a few months, could be a year , could be never?
I never even thought this move would be possible so I suppose he proved me wrong there.
Are men supposed to drive you crazy? Even after all this time he's all I can think about. Would you feel like this if your partner was not around? He's the first man I've ever loved so not sure how to just switch my feelings off. I don't want to. Feel I have to confused

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:32:20

First two years, we didn't try to move together. It was still early, and we were just enjoying things how they were. We were very early twenties then so no rush. It's only really the last year and a half we've been working on it

ElspethFlashman Sat 03-Sep-16 17:38:23

Well I think you need to inform yourself of his current visa situation as much as possible. And with proof. Letters and so on.

If you are hanging your whole life and future on something happening, you have a duty to yourself to confirm it. Don't be a fool, hanging on his word that things are progressing.

cluelesa Sat 03-Sep-16 17:43:35

The brexit thing doesn't help. I don't think anyone is sure what it means, so researching doesn't help sad

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Sep-16 18:48:58

Which country is he from, OP? There might be someone here who can help.

OhNoNotMyBaby Mon 05-Sep-16 15:40:55

If this is a visa issue and he's been trying to get a visa unsuccessfully for 4 years, then it's doubtful if he will ever get one - Brexit or not.

I thought your question OP, was around him choosing to come here and for the 2 of you to have a closer, more intimate relationship.

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