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Help please!

(4 Posts)
BlondieLoxie Sat 03-Sep-16 13:42:52

About to screw up a new relationship due to insecurities, trust issues in general.

First time in my life I think I've met someone decent. But I still have major issues.

I'm trying not to sabatage this. Please can someone recommend a self help book on new relationships. I vaguely remember one being mentioned on here before.

Thank you!

flutterbybutterflies Sat 03-Sep-16 16:14:31

Have been there & accessed counselling to help me work out why I was doing what I was doing.
What is it that you don't trust? Have you spoken to your partner about your anxieties?

BlondieLoxie Sat 03-Sep-16 22:07:03

Hi Flutter
I'm awaiting more counselling but the list is so long.

My ex partner was abusive and repeatedly had affairs including throughout my pregnancies. We were together many years, I went on to have more destructive short term relationships including conducting and affair of my own (I was single, but he was married). I was on self destruct and finally decided to get professional help as to why I choose such men, and why I had an affair after knowing the pain I went through with my ex).

Counselling worked, I stayed single for a good while and was happy. Then I decided I was ready to embrace online dating. Equipped with my knowledge of what to look for in a man, red flags etc, I soon ended any 'relationship' that didn't feel right.

I have been seeing this new guy for 6 months. So far I have a great feeling about him. But, I've realised that my past experience still haunts me. I'm constantly reading into the littlest of things. It's almost like I'm waiting for him to fuck up. Yet in fairness, he's probably not doing anything wrong!

I've spoken to him, he knows about my past and has been brilliant. But I don't want to let on just how insecure I am. I don't want to risk scaring him off.

So basically, I'd love to be able to manage my own feelings, as I'm certain that it's me that has the issues, not him.

flutterbybutterflies Sat 03-Sep-16 23:05:20

That sounds so hard.
I can relate & it's so frustrating isn't it, having that constant anxiety.
Counselling really helped me (& made me realise he wasn't right for me at all) - funnily enough I have just started online dating. It's terrifying me already & deep down I know I'm not ready to embrace a relationship.
Sounds like a good guy though...
Hope someone else can suggest a way to help you smile

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