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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I just cut off my nose to spite my face. Sigh.

(15 Posts)
Ornacia Fri 02-Sep-16 23:06:51

Boyfriend and I each have two DC from previous relationships. We see each other one night during the week and then every other weekend (ideal for me, he would like us to be a more 'official' couple).

He messaged me a few hours ago to say he has to have his DC tomorrow and therefore can't come over but would still like to come on Sunday. I told him to forget about it and we'll do it another weekend. I wasn't angry at all, just kinda...frosty.

I'm such a knob. I absolutely know that his DC are his priorty, just as mine are my priority. But I've had a shit few days, am feeling quite lonely and was really looking forward to the things we had planned.

I should apologise shouldn't I?

AndDontCallMeShirley Fri 02-Sep-16 23:09:18

Yes hmm

UrsulaBuffay Fri 02-Sep-16 23:09:34


RonSwansonsBestFriend Fri 02-Sep-16 23:09:45

Yes, you should but I'd have done exactly the same thing. Was just the disappointment talking flowers

gamerchick Fri 02-Sep-16 23:10:07


RonSwansonsBestFriend Fri 02-Sep-16 23:10:40

And sorry you're feeling lonely

gamerchick Fri 02-Sep-16 23:10:42

Don't beat yourself up though man, we're all human.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 02-Sep-16 23:10:47

Is it really a relationship if you see each other for only 8 days per month?

I guess that's your doing? Maybe you are calling the shots and you don't like it that he tried to so you shot him down?

Not very good and now is a good time for you to reflect on your actions

Mausageandsash Fri 02-Sep-16 23:15:36

Apologise but don't worry about it sweet flowers

Ornacia Fri 02-Sep-16 23:17:17

Ah you're all great. Well, most of you confused grin.

Will don my sackcloth and apologise. Thanks all wine.

TheNaze73 Fri 02-Sep-16 23:19:58

If he's a decent guy, he'll in understand. DC's would come first with most people, I'd hope

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Fri 02-Sep-16 23:33:49

I know how you feel. We have to accept that someone else always comes first, but that doesn't mean we have to be happy about that!

I'd have done the same, I hate being told what is or isn't happening so I will often try to claw back some control of the situation by setting my own terms rather than feel like I'm waiting around to be thrown some crumbs,

You probably should apologise but make it part of a larger conversation about how you feel - that you understand and don't need him to change anything but that you also feel disappointed.

I have found Intentioal Dialogue useful in this situation. Google it. You tell him how you feel, he listens without interrupting, and then says simply "that makes sense" because if he hears what you are saying and takes his own experience out of the equation it DOES make sense that you feel sad.

Then you get it off your chest, he gets a little insight into your world without an ensuing argument (this is a revelation for us!) and then you move on. If he wants to say something then you repeat, listen to him, tell him it makes sense and then you've both listened to each other. There's no resolution, no changes to make, just sharing.

RonSwansonsBestFriend Sat 03-Sep-16 01:16:48

Quitelikely - how on earth s you deduce that from the ops post and how it a that helpful? She's admitted that she needs to apologise....

WamBamThankYouMaam Sat 03-Sep-16 06:57:52

Quite I see my DH 8 days of the month (weekends) and we have a fantastic relationship. You don't have to be joined at the hip in a relationship!

OP yes you should. Send him a text saying exactly what you said here.

gamerchick Sat 03-Sep-16 11:52:24

Is it really a relationship if you see each other for only 8 days per month

Heh I spent the first few years of marriage seeing my husband for 8 days a month. Long distance can work for some.

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