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is your partner romantic?

(32 Posts)
BBLucy1891 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:08:53

We've been together 5 years, had our first baby 8 months ago. My partner is a lovely, kind, considerate, intelligent man and I love him but sometimes I just WISH he was a bit more romantic. Now I'm not materialistic at all. We're both quite pragmatic people. Its just that I'd love if he just surprised me once in a tiny gift...even a little note in my bag or...well, anything...a spontaneous massage that doesn't mean sex. But does anyone's husband/partner actually do these things? Of course I've told him, loads of times, that particularly since becoming a mum and having to devote 99% of my time to baby-care and housework (I work part-time from home and he works long hours outside the house so the bulk of domestic/care work is mine, although he tries his best to contribute when he gets home) I could REALLY do with a gesture. He said if I want money for something he'll give it to me. Um...this kind of misses the point. I said it would be nice to have physical contact that doesn't have to result in full sex (I have ZERO sex drive since birth...but that's another story) but if he comes near me for cuddles he can't help but want sex. I said I'd appreciate some flowers or a small gift but nothing so far...He said we can go anywhere or do anything but I don't want it to be my idea ...I want surprise, I want romance! Is that crazy? I never used to care about it before...

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:23:19

DH is very romantic. I'm not. I love him dearly, he's my worlld, but it's just not in me to do the romantic gestures.

Maybe some people are and some people just aren't.

TheNaze73 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:35:07

It's a catch 22 situation OP & probably one which a child free chat would help with, if you can get a sitter in for a couple of hours??

He sounds like he's been understanding to a point however, if he's constantly rejected for sex he's going to be less inclined to do the small gifts/romantic gestures. Read a great post on here the other day & I think it highlighted the subtle differences between women & men. Women wanted the romance & attention prior to having sex & men are more inclined to do all that post sex. A lot of men see love as sex & I think they may be where his head is at?
Clearly no right or wrong here, you're both victims of circumstances however, you're asking for things that should be spontaneous is, like him expecting cuddles to turn into sonething else too.
Have a good talk, tell him how you feel but, don't ask him for stuff whatever you do. Just hope you find a way of breaking the chain. Sure you will op but, good luck anyhoo

FinallyHere Fri 02-Sep-16 11:03:53

OH is much more into romantic gestures than I am. We try and accommodate each other.

While I hesitate to recommend it as some of the messages are a bit off, looking at the book about different languages of love was helpful, to get us talking about our differences.

Melmelmel687 Fri 02-Sep-16 14:33:36

Yep, DH buys me flowers, make up, nails getting my hair done suprises me all the time.

monkey1978 Fri 02-Sep-16 14:47:37

My DP is the least romantic person ever! To be honest I am not that bothered most of the time as I'm not romantic either but just occasionally I wish, like you, that he would surprise me with something, but he just doesn't really think in that way. However, I LOVE haribo eggs and yesterday I came home from work and he had taken all the haribo eggs out of a packet of Starmix and left them for me to eat. To be honest gestures like that mean a lot more than a bunch of flowers or something I think.

Viewofhedges Fri 02-Sep-16 14:53:23

Your DP sounds lovely - and quite normal. Perhaps doing a few gestures for him might help? A note in his lunch? Something extra nice for food / sweets for the car or something? Maybe if he enjoys those he will reciprocate.

BUT - the others are right. Some people are just crap at gestures. It sounds like your DP is good at the REAL stuff, but not good at gestures. When that pisses you off just think what it would be like if he bought you flowers but was not "a lovely, kind, considerate, intelligent man and I love him". You've definitely got the better deal.

My DP is lovely but also crap with gestures - in fact I bought HIM flowers today grin

gingerbreadmanm Fri 02-Sep-16 14:59:19

dp is not romantic at all. i'm not either really but like you it would be nice to feel appreciated at times.

i do little things like pick his favourite chocolate up from the shop and he can't even do that for me which upsets me no end

we were watching playain marbella last night though, the proposal ep and i kept makig oohs and ahhs at the flowers and candles and lovely meal and proposal, hint hint

Dowser Fri 02-Sep-16 15:04:35

Romantic no
Lovely, honest, reliable, caring...yes

Caz101x Fri 02-Sep-16 15:08:25

No ,not at all, as he admits himself grin although I do occasionally get flowers from him!

Arcadia Fri 02-Sep-16 15:08:39

What Dowser said

ConkersDontScareSpiders Fri 02-Sep-16 15:39:31

I'm reminded of the poem 'flowers' by Wendy Cope.
I used to want a bit or romance from my now ex h...never really got it. Think it's important you talk to him before it it becomes a bigger thing.

TheNaze73 Fri 02-Sep-16 15:45:20

Great poem conkers

I'd never heard of it before

weegiemum Fri 02-Sep-16 15:48:40

We've been married 21 yeas and i still get a bit of romance!

Tonight he is taking me ( and I'm in a wheelchair right now, so really taking me) to see my favourite band ever - The Barenaked Ladies. Its a bit awkward, but he loves me and so we're doing it.

He also keeps me in daffodils and sunflowers, when the season is right.

Yes, he's romantic!!

CoconutAndVanilla Fri 02-Sep-16 15:50:30

I don't think my DP knows the meaning of romantic, but he does take me shopping at least once a month.

ladylouanne Fri 02-Sep-16 16:01:17

I sympathise OP - I'm in a much newer relationship (around a year) and I don't think romance is going to feature highly. However, like your DH, he is kind, thoughtful, caring, affectionate and generally lovely which is so different from my last relationship.

I'm probably more inclined to towards the romantic gesture than he is. I'd love to know how those of you who say you aren't romantic feel when you are on the receiving end of these. Do you appreciate them or do they just seem a bit pointless?

Pops1985 Fri 02-Sep-16 16:10:05

I could have written this post myself OP! I have the most considerate, loving, amazing DH but no matter how many times I say how much I love flowers and would love him to organise dinner it just falls on deaf ears, I think it's as the posters above say, bad at gestures, good at the real stuff. So I'll be buying my own flowers and I need to accept it.

FlourishingMrs Fri 02-Sep-16 19:37:11

Not verbally but he cooks lots of nice meals, makes me cocktails etc

BooBoopBeep Fri 02-Sep-16 19:38:06

Romantic? Hahahahahahababahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha

DollyPS Fri 02-Sep-16 19:51:49

Romantic mm lets see.
Rubs my back
Asks how I have been of a day
Kisses my neck whilst washing up for no reason.
Makes me my dumpling which I love
No flowers no chocolates from him though as he knows these trigger me from my past with ex who when he'd have an affair buy the above the Bastard.
So yes in his way he is romantic to me.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 Fri 02-Sep-16 20:11:36

We squeeze each others back spots (and the occasional bum one), that to me is romance in its purest form.
If I want flowers/chocolates/a book of poems I have to literally spell it out.

MsVestibule Fri 02-Sep-16 21:18:08

He makes an effort at Christmas and birthdays, but no, never buys me little presents or makes romantic gestures 'just because'.

TBH, I'm really not bothered. He's a great husband and dad, loyal, loving and affectionate, so the fact that he doesn't buy me flowers or thoughtful little gifts just doesn't even register any more.

SherlockStones Fri 02-Sep-16 21:25:29

What do you do for him or does it just cut one way?

KatieScarlett Fri 02-Sep-16 21:27:22

I would say DH is thoughtful rather than romantic as I have an aversion to corny luurve stuff. He quietly makes sure I always have chocolate, flowers in the house and my vice of choice, Diet Coke. He makes me CD's for the car of music I will like. He will drop anything to be there if I need him and is just altogether a top bloke.
He also likes to sing "If I had a million dollars" by the BNL to me so well jel of weegiemum above going to see them tonight.

AnnaMarlowe Fri 02-Sep-16 21:34:18

My DH is romantic in a lovely low key way. No gushing all over Facebook (thank goodness) but he'll randomly come home with flowers, pick up a book or a CD or a small gift he thinks I'd like for no reason at all.

He's brilliant at picking just the right present (a skill he inherited from my MIL) or running me a bubble bath or saying just the right thing at the right time.

Best of all, he always dances with me. Several of my friends' husbands "don't dance". I don't think I could have married a man that won't dance.

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