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Friends who have some kind of mission to 'fix' others

(9 Posts)
Lottielou272 Thu 01-Sep-16 23:20:48

Background to this is that I have AS - I don't really have many female friends at all except from childhood and it's as much as I can manage to meet up with someone for a coffee once a month. I'm used to being on the fringes of things because I'm a bit 'other'. I remember going on a hen week and it was the most stressful thing for me ever.

I met a parent of my DC at school and she seemed to take a real liking to me and was always telling me how much she likes me and texted / called me a lot. I thought it was way too good to be true. I do have various issues in my life and I wondered whether she might be a fixer. But generally I liked the vibe I got from her and we seemed to get on really well.

Over the holidays I haven't seen her very much but she recently sent me a text saying she has met a new friend on holiday who she really likes and since then she doesn't really respond much to my texts. I kind of knew this might happen eventually because I don't really fit into normal women friendship groups but I do feel sad about it. Are there people who just want to be friends because they are 'fixers'? I do have quite a difficult life which I won't outline because it would out me.

Lottielou272 Thu 01-Sep-16 23:22:03

I was just thinking that if I met a new friend on holiday I wouldn't feel the need to mention it in the way she did - it just seems odd.

Lottielou272 Fri 02-Sep-16 00:26:14


Horsemad Fri 02-Sep-16 00:49:03

There are definitely people out there who want to 'fix' others; I work with one, she's a pita!

Nice enough person, but OMG, she's always on a mission. Just can't accept that sometimes people just want to 'be'. Gets to the point where she's meddling, truth be told.

Maybe your friend has had her head turned by her new friend or maybe she's having a busy time and has not had time to text you.

I would try and keep the lines of communication open if that is what I wanted, but try not to pressure her.

Lottielou272 Fri 02-Sep-16 01:06:24

Well I'm not pressuring her - I never chase people iyswim. It's just I always had a feeling this wouldn't last. One time she asked out of the blue if I was bi and ever since then I wondered whether she actually wanted just a friendship.

The thing I find odd is her gushing to me about the new friend. Why would you?

Lottielou272 Fri 02-Sep-16 08:50:34

Am I just overthinking it? Perhaps I'm assuming it will go wrong just because I tend not to have female friendships (except from when I was little) and I'm not used to having an adult one.

LuckyBitches Fri 02-Sep-16 10:00:03

This sounds a bit odd - the first thing that sprang into my mind was that she seems to have been 'lovebombing' you, and then dropped you once she'd met someone else. Not an unusual occurance in dating, but quite strange behaviour in friendship. Surely she has time for two friends - she sounds rather intense!

Lottielou272 Fri 02-Sep-16 11:57:09

I might just be being silly but I've known her for about 18 months and I feel as though I love her (only in a platonic sense ). It feels like the sort of friendships I see other people having.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 02-Sep-16 12:13:04

Ask her out for coffee? If she makes excuses then maybe she was looking for something more and realised she wasn't going to get it with you.

But maybe she's just been distracted and busy with other stuff in her life. Or maybe she told you about her new friend because she wanted to introduce you to her? Maybe she has trouble making friends too?

Or maybe she has been trying to tell you that she is bi and she's got a girlfriend and maybe she feels a bit weird about how to introduce you to each other.

I can think of a million reasons why a friend would be less responsive to texts for a while. Mainly because I'm a prolific offender in that way. I just get distracted by other stuff sometimes, don't realise I've been crap at responding, then have to sort it out with the mates, who actually are fine about it because most of them go through similar phases too. People have a lot of stuff going on in the their lives usually.

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