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Heading for divorce but desperatley want him to ask me back!

(9 Posts)
k2411 Thu 01-Sep-16 22:27:56

This is awful as it makes me sound and feel so pathetic and weak. This is probably the first time I have been really honest since our split.

H left nearly 1 year ago, things hadn't been good for a while as looking back I think I detached myself from his moods which I believe was due to his excessive cannabis use.

He picked up on this change and of course his attitude changed also. I was sick of wondering how things would be when I came in the door and didn't want DC to feel like this also.

The problem is I love him, I think? I cant imagine being with someone else as there has only ever been him, and there were a lot of times we were so happy and that's what I year for again!

Our DC prefer it the way it is now but im unhappy, I think. I say I think a lot as im not allowing myself to feel anything other.

I have been asked out and im afraid to do on a date in fear it will hurt H an that would seem like the nail in the coffin of my marriage.

I don't know what to do, do I make the attempt to resolve or move on with my life.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:30:25

Has he changed? Does he still smoke it?
If he hasn't done anything to change then it would seem totally a bad idea to try to go back.
What does he want?

Easystreet52 Thu 01-Sep-16 22:31:52

Move on. The kids prefer this so listen to them and open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences.

k2411 Thu 01-Sep-16 22:34:54

He hasn't changed, he did suggest but because I took time to really think, he went a bit off with me.

I suppose I know he probably cant change too much and its a case of I would have to accept the bad with the good.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:37:22

You know the right thing to do really, for you and the kids. I think you need to just grieve the true end of this and try to look at moving on.

Your mantra should be 'nothing has changed and ever will'
And think about how damaging it was for the kids

TheNaze73 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:09:02

I think you're going to be asking a long time for him to ask you & even longer for him to change. I think you must know in your heart of hearts, it isn't right on the face of it

category12 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:16:24

How about starting your new life instead of holding the door open emotionally to him? Start having fun, go on dates.

Your dc are happier with you living apart, which speaks volumes for the family life you and he provided when you were together. Time to actually move on. It's hard to close the door and be responsible for that, but I think going back when nothing has changed would be a massive mistake.

k2411 Fri 02-Sep-16 16:27:51

Thank you for the reply's. I know the right thing to do is to stay apart but there is almost a blockage in my head that stops me doing this. I just wont allow myself to move on, and im driving myself mad.

Part of me feels like if he just said to me "I don't want you" this would help me move on but im too scared to ask.

I have a lovely guy asking me out for a meal and im scared to allow myself to be happy and enjoy life.

ElspethFlashman Fri 02-Sep-16 16:31:29

Then you're sabotaging yourself. And it may have little to do with your ex.

I think personal counselling might be an idea. You need to straighten out in your head why you are punishing yourself like this.

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