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Pretty sure I'm being ghosted, what do you think?

(54 Posts)
DateMate Thu 01-Sep-16 22:16:03

Been with a guy 3 months, he was really keen in the beginning, almost too keen. We met, hit it off and have seen each other when we can since then as he lives away from me.

Conversations used to be fun, we would laugh and talk for hours, text etc.

He got drunk and called me up, told me he thinks we're on different wavelengths, told me that if I don't change he's never going to marry me (I found this strange, I haven't hinted at wanting to get married!).

Since then conversations have dwindled, few texts here and there, nothing much and a 2 minute phone call at night to say night every now and then.

Today; I asked him if everything was okay, he said he's busy with work etc. I replied and didn't have a reply since then, I called later on, no answer so I text asking if he's still interested as it feels like he's ghosting, nothing.

What do I do now? Was I slowly being ghosted?

FriendofBill Thu 01-Sep-16 22:19:36

Maybe just fizzled out.

Tbh the drunken phone call (without apology attached later) would be enough for me to end it.
He's kinda told you he's not interested although drunk.

Take control and move on.
You might get another whimper later or in a few days and limp on some more otherwise.

I'm sure you want more than this?


LuluJakey1 Thu 01-Sep-16 22:25:12

Just text him and say 'Had a nice time at first so thanks for that but this has run its course and there was nothing much there really. I don't think it is worth any further contact. Good luck in the future. Hope things go well for you'.

Don't contact him or respond to him again, ever. Take control.

He is pissing you about and not being honest. He isn't interested.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:25:13

Oh god I would not have liked that phone call and would have asked him sober what on earth he was doing?

He could be embarrassed about it. But he sounds a bit like he has lost interest but doesn't want to tell you to your face.

Don't try to force him to talk to you I would just stop texting and calling as well

ladylambkin Thu 01-Sep-16 22:29:26

I agree move on. It shouldn't have to difficult this early in. (I'm needing to take my own advice here too and thanks to your thread I now see what I need to do) flowers

ImperialBlether Thu 01-Sep-16 22:31:34

Don't send any more texts. For one thing he's completely bonkers, and for another you need to hold onto your dignity. Block, ignore, delete.

DateMate Thu 01-Sep-16 22:33:34

Should I not send a 'this isn't working for me?' Do I just block him from everything?

I'm pretty gutted to be honest but he's been online so is purposely ignoring me.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:34:48

Personally no. I think that ship has sailed already. If you really want the last word then take it, but I would erase him entirely from my life.

I know it hurts, it's been done to me. I don't really get it either

wobblywonderwoman Thu 01-Sep-16 22:37:35

I think I would have to text something just to finalise it for myself.

So I would say - listen it was nice to be together and things are really working out and I'd am happy to leave things as they are. I wasnt really looking for anything long term . rather not stay in contact ..blah blah

wobblywonderwoman Thu 01-Sep-16 22:38:03

Things ARENT

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:38:57

It's your call OP - I would text that to someone I was breaking up with, not someone who had already checked out that's all. If it helps you then send it

OlennasWimple Thu 01-Sep-16 22:41:19

Nah, mentally draw a line under it, don't contact him and move on.

If you text him looking for the last word, but then he replies to your text, what do you do next? Text back, to try to get the last word back again? What if it then descends into something argumentative?

MephistoMarley Thu 01-Sep-16 22:42:21

That phone call should have been your end point to be honest.

TheLaundryLady Thu 01-Sep-16 22:42:23

That phone call would have been enough for me to end it 'if you don't change'!
Cheeky bastard I'd have told him to fuck off there and then.

TBH I think you've had a lucky escape

OhTheRoses Thu 01-Sep-16 22:43:23

Blank and move on.

I am sorry if you are sad about this but he sounds troublesome.

Much nicer people about although that thought doesn't resolve immediate loneliness and sadness.

DateMate Thu 01-Sep-16 22:48:51

I feel like if I text him again I'm losing my dignity a bit because I've already rang him and text him asking him to be honest about whether or not he's still interested or if he's ghosting and I've heard back nothing.

I'm more upset that I don't know what I've done, I really don't. I haven't dated in a long time, I was enjoying having someone there and that's what I'm finding upsetting.

Summerlovinf Thu 01-Sep-16 22:51:31

The phone-call was him ending it - you weren't ghosted as such...doesn't sound like you're missing much...NEXT!

TheLaundryLady Thu 01-Sep-16 22:51:41

Don't text him, it'll make you feel worse not better.
3 months in and he's telling you to change - massive red flag, you've not done anything wrong

Myusernameismyusername Thu 01-Sep-16 22:53:10

You didn't do anything wrong you just not right for each other and instead of being a grown up he has been a twat about it

Whathaveilost Thu 01-Sep-16 22:59:44

Seriously I'd leave it. You've had your final text when you asked if everything is ok.
Definatly block because in a few weeks and there's no one else around he'll be back pretending nothing has gone wrong.

Lottielou272 Thu 01-Sep-16 23:26:36

Why would you even want to be with a guy who tells you you need to change as if he is perfect? Cheeky sod!

springydaffs Thu 01-Sep-16 23:34:46

change?? change into what, exactly - someone else?

He can fuck off.

OrsonWellsHat Thu 01-Sep-16 23:37:48

He can fuck off
^ this

BettyCrystal Thu 01-Sep-16 23:41:25

No doubt he'll be back the minute you cool off. Don't fall for it...

Haudyerwheesht Thu 01-Sep-16 23:43:32

I don't know what ghosting means tbh but he's obviously an arsehole. Tbh though that phone call should've been enough for you to tell him you were done.

Don't message him, delete his number. He's not interested and nor should you be after how he's treated you.

However it's not been a major relationship so try not to take it too hard, it doesn't mean you won't find anyone but try and use it as a turning point to expect more from future relationships and don't let people walk all over you. You're worth more than that.

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