I'm so in love with who used to be and still is my best friend. We crossed the line about 6/7 years ago and shared a few secret kisses/moments. Both got in to other relationships but stayed the best of friends. Relationships both ended coming up to three years ago. Ever since we've been an unofficial thing. He admitted he was in love with me and we should be together regardless of the troubles it would bring. I have children with an old friend of his. I would literally give up my whole world to be with this man properly. I worship the ground he walks on. Things got messy between him and his ex friend, my children's father, when he had a suspicion something was going on between us and we've basically kept it a secret ever since. He has nothing to do with my children and we spend every minute together that I don't have them. He spends time with my parents. He takes me away and he buys me gifts. I love him so much.
He hurts me so much too though. He can be quite nasty and selfish when he's in a mood and at the time doesn't care how upset I am. He manages to twist everything round on me so I feel like everything's my fault. I've just got to the point where I feel like a dirty secret. Like I'm not good enough to be made public knowledge. I know he thinks he'll look the bad guy if we come out together but at the beginning it didn't matter to him, it still doesn't matter to me what people think. I want to marry him. I've tried walking away before and I just cry and beg and tell him I made a mistake. He's cut me off before and couldn't stick to it and came back. We can't stay away from each other but were never gonna have the relationship i know I deserve. It's so hard he's all I want. My friends that know about us tell me I've gotta walk away. They say they hate how he treats me and hate that I let him. They don't understand why I love him so much, but I do. How can I walk away from the one thing I want most even when it hurts to be where I am now
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Help me realise I've got to walk away
6 replies
onmybroomstick · 01/09/2016 20:43
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