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Am I going mad?

(3 Posts)
bridgeovertroubledwater Thu 01-Sep-16 14:26:56

Is it me or is there something wrong in my relationship?!
We have been married for 20+ years with two dc. My dh is a farmer and we live on the family farm, next door to his parents. They own the farm and the house we live in.
Dh father is a bit of a bully imo and dh has always been afraid/unwilling to stand up to him, often saying "we mustn't upset him otherwise he won't leave the farm to me and I have worked all my life for this farm so I can't risk losing it now!"
This has caused many problems over the years and I also think that dh uses this to get out of things he doesn't want to do, blaming his dad, and shirking responsibilty for his actions.
I feel really strongly that his first loyalty should be to his wife and children, not his father.
When issues arise and I get angry dh responds with "why do you always have to go off on one" "you are so sensitive" "why can't you just get on with people"
The most recent issue was a rose tree in "our garden" which his dad told him needs treating for black spot. DH asked me what I thought so I said that I would rather he cut it down as it's a bit of an eyesore and I don't like it. DH said "oh dear that will cause trouble" and walked off. He hasn't cut it down and I don't think he will. I have asked why its still there and he says he hasn't had time to do it....and thats after 6 weeks.
I feel like this sums up our relationship....his dad has more influence in our marriage/lives than I do!
This is only a small thing I know, but it feels like the final straw.

SandyY2K Thu 01-Sep-16 16:54:49

Is he an only child?

Who else would his dad leave the farm to?

I think when you live in property owned by another like his dad, he will exert power being the bully he is.

It's like never leaving home TBH. That's the problem. Nothing belongs to your husband.

If anything happened like a split, you'd obviously be the one who had to leave.

Sorry, I can't help, but I see the root cause of your issues as his dad having control, because of the money.

bridgeovertroubledwater Thu 01-Sep-16 17:26:27

He has a brother and a sister, both married with young children, who live across the road on plots of land taken from the farm.
Our children don't want to be farmers but his sister's little boy (aged 4) is farm mad, so there is a distinct possibility that farm may be left to all three siblings or something else.
Yes I would have to leave, but to be fair, this place is suffocating me with all of his family around. I know it sounds idealic, but it is very hard.

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