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Porn

(33 Posts)
lounear35 Thu 01-Sep-16 04:44:21

How do folks feel about porn... I've found soft porn on DH iPad nothing major big boobs type things but it's unsettled me and I feel I'm not enough for him and feel disgusted he looks at that kinda stuff

NisekoWhistler Thu 01-Sep-16 04:56:50

I'm cool about it, happy for DH to watch it, he's also cool with me watching it

toopeoply Thu 01-Sep-16 05:09:18

I don't like it. Mainly because the women look forced.

Trifleorbust Thu 01-Sep-16 07:43:57

I think it's him and virtually every other man (and many of the women). I honestly don't think it's strange at all and very, very vanilla for him to be looking at boobs online.

MyBreadIsEggy Thu 01-Sep-16 07:49:00

Doesn't bother me.
As long as DH and I are still intimate with each other, and he isn't using porn as a substitute for me, then I can't get worked up about him having a discreet wank over some porn!

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 01-Sep-16 07:51:06

I'd be asking to borrow the iPad if it were me. grin

WindInThePussyWillows Thu 01-Sep-16 07:51:56

I feel very mixed. I'm ok with it occasionally but when DP is showing little interest in me and our sex life isn't good at the time I take it very personally that he has no sex drive for me but gets intimate without me.

MrsH14 Thu 01-Sep-16 08:09:14

Porn and strip clubs don't bother me in the slightest. If he is going to cheat it's not going to be with porn or a stripper.

allthecarbs Thu 01-Sep-16 08:12:31

I used to hate it with a passion.
I've since become more accepting of my own body and don't really mind it now. I agree with the PP that as long as I feel I'm being shown enough affection and I'm the preferred option then I'm cool.
My first boyfriend would go straight to porn right after we dtd sad That almost killed me!

TheNaze73 Thu 01-Sep-16 08:14:12

Op, you cannot argue a feeling & if it's making you uncomfortable, you need to say something.
What might be right for the majority, isn't necessarily right for you.

CannotEvenDeal Thu 01-Sep-16 08:15:42

Personally I wouldn't feel bothered by that, but as others have said it depends if it is affecting his intimacy with you or not.

IzzyIsBusy Thu 01-Sep-16 08:20:47

I would ask why he watches it.

I dont agree with porn. I dont agree with the way women are portrayed or used in the industry.
I dont look outside of my relationship for sexual satisfaction and i dont buy in to the "oh its just what the menz do" mantra.

Joysmum Thu 01-Sep-16 09:01:04

This isn't about what the rest of us are cool with so people posting in this way really isn't useful to the OP.

You need to be able to talk to him, to express your feelings and have him talk through his. It'll help you both to know each other better. Ignoring just allows things to fester.

Darcychu Thu 01-Sep-16 09:02:55

i have a boyfriend and i still watch porn to masterbate, we have a great sex life i just get horny a lot and cant be bothered having sex Everytime im horny, sometimes i just want it to be quick, like get it over with, but when im having sex with my boyfriend i dont want it to be something to just * get over with *

RealityCheque Thu 01-Sep-16 09:06:40

This isn't about what the rest of us are cool with

Err, the OP started with "How do folks feel about porn". It is exactly what it's about. hmm

VestalVirgin Thu 01-Sep-16 09:16:25

I would dump him. It's about the way a man sees women. I wouldn't want to be with a man who just sees me as an object.

You feel disgusted. Listen to your instincts.

Rentz Thu 01-Sep-16 09:43:00

I'm a man and I find porn and the sex industry disgusting.

If I needed to find sexual pleasure from looking at other women's boobs then I'd understand if my partner felt insecure.

Seriously, the porn industry is male driven, sexist and objectifies women. Not to mention the wide scale abuse and over exaggerated views of what sex is.
Every man I know who frequents strip clubs is a sexist, obnoxious pig who'd cheat on their partners any time they can.

NotTheFordType Thu 01-Sep-16 10:20:42

Clutch those pearls a bit harder, Rentz.

I enjoy watching porn, with or without a partner. I'm quite discerning about the type of porn I consume and tend to stick with particular studios that I know operate ethically, or with homemade stuff.

RepentAtLeisure Thu 01-Sep-16 10:21:43

I can't lie and pretend I'm fine with it, these are real women after all. I wouldn't like him staring at a girls boobs in 'real life' (not that I've seen him do that to be fair) so of course I'm not going to be ecstatic about him taking in every single detail of a real woman's body via a screen...

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 01-Sep-16 10:23:37

I'm fine with it.

SandyY2K Thu 01-Sep-16 10:24:45

I've got no problem with it.

I've heard women say it's a great money earner and they aren't forced to do it at all.

There's this impression that escorts, prostitutes, strippers etc are all forced. It's not true.

Same goes for Female Doms. They do it because they want to.

This is not people being trafficked across to be sex workers. The porn workers aren't in that same category.

They like it because of the money involved.

user1472720529 Thu 01-Sep-16 10:31:18

I am a bit mixed about Porn to be honest. I feel as long as its not a substitute for me and we are still intimate I am slowly learning to deal with it. I must admit I was bothered at first, being pregnant and getting fatter I thought maybe I wasn't good enough anymore but my fella is very loving and affectionate with me and we have sex quite a lot and he compliments me a lot too. I have asked him up front if I don't 'do it for him' anymore or if he's bored and assures me he's perfectly happy, loves me and finds me extremely attractive more so now than in the beginning.
The main thing that gripes me is that he denies it, he lies to my face when I know full well he has but he says he hasn't. Honesty is the best policy. I would be wiling to watch it with him and see if I enjoyed it if he wanted but he never asks.....

Lucylloyd13 Thu 01-Sep-16 10:49:03

I have to say that I am not bothered in the least about my fella having a fantasy wank over some porn so long as our relationship is strong.

MostlyHet Thu 01-Sep-16 11:02:19

I agree with those saying that really the issue isn't what we feel about it, OP, it's how you feel about it. If it's making you uncomfortable, or impinging on your sex life (he'd rather knock one off to porn than take the time to have mutually enjoyable sex with you, or he's wanting to copy acts he's seen in porn that you're uncomfortable with - unlikely in this instance since you say it's fairly soft stuff), then you are allowed to feel "unsettled" as you put it, and you should talk to him about it. Maybe he will be able to put your fears to rest (some people on here have said they don't mind so long as it's just fantasy), maybe he'll agree to stop once he knows it's upsetting you, maybe the two of you can find some sort of half-way compromise, or maybe he'll refuse to talk (in which case, the porn is only part of the problem...) But really it doesn't matter whether I, or other posters, or Hyacinth Bucket, or Belle du Jour would or wouldn't be comfortable with it - it's how you feel about it that matters, and how your DP reacts to being told about your feelings.

HarmlessChap Thu 01-Sep-16 13:17:11

For me it is about the preferred option. My DW reads erotic fiction which as far as I'm concerned is a kind of porn. I don't mind her doing it but I do mind that she'd rather have alone time reading that with her vibrator rather than being intimate with me.

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