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Surely this isn't normal?

(9 Posts)
fluffymummykins Wed 31-Aug-16 23:17:25

My husband and I have been together 6 years. Sex was amazing at first, several times a day. After a year or so things slowed down. He seemed to lose interest. I'd dress up for him but he'd turn me down because MOTD was on. Now we rarely have sex. Once a month or so. I don't want to but neither, it seems, does he. He only ever wants it in the morning when the kids are waking up and its always about him. I prefer night time but we never go to bed at the same time. We have no intimacy, nothing, and I want it to go back to how it was!

Mikkalina Wed 31-Aug-16 23:28:15

Sounds like my DH. He never goes to bed with me because of TV and would want sex in the morning (not regularly) when I cannot even relax in case kids come in. So it's all about him only and he doesn't even feel bad about me. OP, they are selfish and they don't care about our needs. As long as they feel good. But we don't stay young forever and this selfish behaviour hurts.

TheNaze73 Thu 01-Sep-16 08:19:42

He's being inconsiderate to your needs and neglecting you. Sex only 12 times a year isn't right and he must know that.
Can you reach a compromise on the timings? Men have their highest testosterone levels in the morning, hence why most by default would want it then.
Has he approached you with what is wrong for him to only want it once a month? If he's bored or wants try something different, this is his issue to talk to you about rather than for him to be an ostrich & bury his head in the sand

IreallyKNOWiamright Thu 01-Sep-16 09:37:24

So annoying isn't it . Mine goes to bed later and then expects a quick shag at his convenience and then I get the cold shoulder and accusations I'm rejecting him
.men eh. I have no wise advice but I understand how frustrating it is.

Lucylloyd13 Thu 01-Sep-16 13:37:04

You need to be firm. Explain that you want a sexual relationship, and you want it in the evenings. What does he suggest?

deVelvet Thu 01-Sep-16 13:47:19

Ha. I've just had this conversation with DP after a very unsatisfying quickie this morning. All about him and I got nothing out of it.

I told him that I don't mind a quickie in the morning but I'd rather not be just a spunk receptacle, so if morning quickies are the way forward then he best rethink his approach.

Think he got the message.

HarmlessChap Thu 01-Sep-16 13:47:35

Not normal but not massively unusual.

DW isn't into sex or intimacy, after constantly being turned down for sex or pushed away when I tried to give her a hug I stopped bothering because it becomes its easier than dealing with the rejection.

Mid forties couple I think we've probably DTD less than 10 times in the last 5 years, certainly for over 2 years there was none, 3 times since Xmas this year after I said, in January, that the lack of intimacy (not just sex but hugs and kisses) was killing the marriage and I couldn't cope with living the rest of my life like that.

You need to tell him how you feel and see if you both want to work on it or give up.

fluffymummykins Thu 01-Sep-16 23:05:39

Well 4 yewyewars ago it was stress, then tiredness, then because he had given up smoking, then stress, then because hes put on a bit of weight, then stress, then he works way too much and just wants to relax in the evenings. Excuses after excuses. We don't cuddle in bed anymore, which he moans about but with 3 kids I just want to get comfy because I'm exhausted and want my sleep!! He moans because he doesn't want to use protection but I do.

LuluJakey1 Thu 01-Sep-16 23:13:26

Smoking/Weight gain- Type 2 diabetes- errection issues?
Stress- exhaustion - errection issues?
Self-conscious because of weight?
All possibilities

Selfish bastard who can't be bothered?
Lost sexual impulse- how old is he?
Both of you need to make more effort?

If he won't actually go to bed with you he isn't prepared to even allow it to happen never mind want it to.

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