Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Did I do a bad job comforting my friend?

(6 Posts)
Soapalert Wed 31-Aug-16 17:56:08

DF has a test coming up in a couple of weeks and she is an emotional wreck, fearing the worst. She broke down crying and told me that she is being referred for further investigation at the hospital. She is absolutely terrified about leaving behind her DC.

I gave her a hug and said I understand her worries but for her to try and see the referral as a safety check and it was a million and one other things it could be other than her worst case scenario.

She went onto say, what if it is - and I said If it was people are living long lives after having the illness in 2016 more than ever so it does not have to mean 'the end'.

DF said if it was me I would be worried. And for every person who has beaten it there is someone who has died. And she left shortly after.

I am not very good with words of comfort, can you help me to be more supportive. I have also offered practical support for her.

Rentz Wed 31-Aug-16 18:01:48

Just the fact you wanted to comfort her will have meant the world.
Just be there. Sometimes there's nothing you can say.

allthecarbs Wed 31-Aug-16 18:06:37

Oh it's so hard to know the right thing to say when everyone responds to words differently.

I think as long as you keep showing her you care and keep being there for her that's the best you can do. Also sometimes no words are better than random words.

MrsSellors Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:58

I think you did well, it sounds like on of those situations that no matter what you would have said it would have been wrong due to her stress and fears. Even if right now she doesn't think you helped i think she will see it in the future

nicenewdusters Wed 31-Aug-16 18:19:33

Just the fact that you discussed it with her will be massive. So many people run a mile from these situations, it takes real love and courage to be with a friend in their darkest hour. There's a famous Helen Keller quote that it's better to walk with a friend in the dark than to be alone in the light.

Soapalert Wed 31-Aug-16 18:37:12

Thank you all. It was difficult because I felt like I was dismissing her fears ie even if it was you are fearing, it can still be ok. She said life would never be the same again though - never the same mental freedom again.

I did agree I would be worried but was trying to get her to see the positives. But I think she thought I was perhaps minimising things.

That is a lovely quote by Helen.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now