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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you heal a broken heart?

(9 Posts)
LouSaint Tue 30-Aug-16 19:51:36

I've been with my STBX for 24 years since I was 19, I've never loved anyone else. We've been apart since December, but 'trying' to work on things. He's been distant since April, but saying he's needed 'space' and time. On Sunday I found out through a third party that he's dating a 25 year old barmaid. I'm 43, and he's 45, how does anyone get over this, we've been apart before, but I've never felt this low, I actually wanted to take my life yesterday, I feel I can't live without him, I've got 2 sons of 14 and 12, and I just don't know what to do to make him love me.

pieceofpurplesky Tue 30-Aug-16 19:56:48

Firstly is there someone irl that can come and stay with you?
My ex left after 16 years and I was heartbroken. It is 21/2 years now and the pain has all but gone. I still can't think about being with anyone else but I no longer miss him and no longer love him.
Time, loving your children, friends and learning to love yourself wineflowers

pieceofpurplesky Tue 30-Aug-16 19:58:27

You can't make him love you. He has cheated on you. He has lied and as hard as it is you need to ignore him. No texts, no angry words. Ignore him. Get on with life - when he comes crawling back hopefully you will be strong enough to say no

PamelaFlitton31 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:02:08

I'm so sorry to read your post Lou.
What an awful situation for you & your children.
I don't have anything useful to say particularly but I agree with purplesky that having someone with you is important.
And that time, eventually, does ease things. Take care flowers

Bubblebath01 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:04:34

I was with my ex for nearly 28 yrs. He left for a 21 yr old married barmaid. Him 52.

Been apart for over a year now.

I don't see any real point in life, on antidepressants, counselling, etc.

My children are my only focus on reality. That and wanting to see the inevitable karma. He has lied and manipulated his family and friends, they will see the truth eventually.

Believe me my ex is delusional, as is your ex.

He needs to work through his dilussion himself. You cannot reason with him, he sees everything from his perspective, and only that.

I hope he treats your children with respect though, that is my biggest bugbear, the way he has treated our children. They no longer care if they have any further contact, which I believe is to their detriment, not his.

From my own experience, however hard it is, have non contact, it achieves nothing and he will distort things against you.

A middle aged man having a personal identity crisis, it is nothing to do you, but his own perception of his own persona, is untenable. They believe they are acting courageously, and fail to see you and your children are collateral damage.

You cannot persuade him otherwise. The more you try, the more they believe they have made the right choice.

Do the best by your children, ignore his infantile behaviour, there will be karma.

I'm here now because of my parents, children's, some really good friends and work colleagues.

Happy to be pm'd if you need to. Not an expert, but a survivor...


Kirk123 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:44:56

Me too bubble bath 18 months on , just like your story so I am taking care of kidults 25 and 21 , devastated he has ow and 2 new daughters ! Tosser 😡

Kirk123 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:46:41

Op, private message me too , you will survive my lovely just breath take a day at a time and remember none of this your doing, just keep being a great mum xxxxx

LouSaint Tue 30-Aug-16 23:50:12

I haven't got anyone here now. I've cut off contact with my family due to something sexually inappropriate that my dad did to me a few years ago. I buried it and I've finally had the courage to speak to people about it. This has split the family, as I no longer speak to any of them.
Thankyou so much for your kind messages. Sometimes you feel like the only one that is going through such a thing. If only I could eat, I would feel better. I just feel so old and ugly. And I'm not.

smilingeyes11 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:56:37

You will be ok. I know you won't believe it now, or tomorrow, or even next week - but you will be.

I had the world and his wife telling me I would be ok and I didn't believe them. I just wanted them to go away and leave me to cry. But you know what, a few years later I am fine. Ex may still be with the OW, I don't actually care. It doesn't hurt any more. I pity her for being with him and I pity their DC. Me and my DC are doing just great thanks - and all without any input or contact from him.

I am glad I am not with him. He was a liar and a cheat and he had no respect or kindness for me or our relationship of so very many years.

Please try and eat, yoghurt, smoothie, Belivta are all good. You are in no way old and ugly. You do have a future to look forward to. It may not be the one you had hoped and planned for - but a future you have none the less. You can look forward to better times. It is his bloody loss. Cut all contact, block him on your phone and anywhere online. Find your dignity and gather any friends you can around you.

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