Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To sleep with a potential FuckBuddy or not

(44 Posts)
EmergentFaction Tue 30-Aug-16 16:50:37

I met a guy today who is very hot.
His personality wasn't ideal but I think I can cope with it.
I'm worried I'll get hurt but, if I'm honest, I'm a bit desperate. But I'm easily hurt.
It's not easy to separate liking a personality to have a good sexual relationship is it?
I thought I would be fine with it as he's very handsome and I asked him out based on that and his smile.
Now I'm having doubts and I don't know what to do.
I think his confident and charm make me wary. He can make all the right moves, but I think he's able to switch them off again easily and that leaves me open to being used, even though I approached him.
I feel vulnerable.
But am a bit desperate I guess if I'm honest? Low self esteem so if this guy is happy to enter into a relationship I'm thinking "why not?".

God I have PROBLEMS!
It would be really interesting to hear people's experiences of getting involved in casual relationships but protecting themselves from getting hurt.
It's just a bad idea isn't it, and I'm still drawn. Sigh. I feel like I've experienced the low of post sex I will feel. This is after meeting and kissing etc for the first time.

Sorry to be crass and base.

ButIbeingpoor Tue 30-Aug-16 17:09:04

Erm, you just met him today? He doesn't have an ideal personality.
You feel vulnerable ?
I think you need to work on yourself before getting involved with someone, and may I suggest that you need to grow up a little.
What happened to romance?

Donatello68 Tue 30-Aug-16 17:17:33

Nooooo.... this won't end well. If you have low self esteem, you should work on that before you get involved with someone else.

ImperialBlether Tue 30-Aug-16 17:51:54

I agree - this won't end well. Focus on improving your self-esteem before you start asking handsome men with odd personalities to have sex with you.

ladyformation Tue 30-Aug-16 17:53:15

I love (when single) a casual relationship. You do not sound like you're in the right place at all. Look after yourself away from this guy.

(Also nothing you said was crass or base)

(Also who cares if it was? smile)

QueenofFatAsses Tue 30-Aug-16 17:53:46

It is perfectly fine to sleep with a fuck boy if you can make sure it is just that, I have seen to many friends make it in to something more in their heads though and end up crying over something that is just supposed to be a casual shag.

You already said you don't think you could cope so I think you know the answer. x

TheNaze73 Tue 30-Aug-16 17:59:50

Only you can protect yourself by being honest with yourself. Without being OTT, you sound a bit fishy about him already, which would suggest this might not be your best move

EmergentFaction Tue 30-Aug-16 18:13:36

Very odd.
My head and heart say no & I still want to continue. Perhaps asking for trouble/drama to fill a man void because I am lonely.

I know I've written everything simplistically ButIBeingPoor. How would you suggest I "grow up"? What do you mean? Perhaps you got that impression because I've only given that small amount of information and not why I'm looking for a casual relationship.

Anyway, thanks for feedback.
Very silly of me to do things that I know are not a good idea. I guess I am reckless at times. But also, life is short. I'm not giving him my heart, I'm not obsessed by him.

Will mull.

Myusernameismyusername Tue 30-Aug-16 18:30:35

This is the type of sex where you cry after they leave.
Don't do it. You already know deep down it would leave you emotionally hurt.
Sometimes the short term gain isn't worth the long term pain!

You aren't desperate for sex you are desperate for love, attention and to feel good. He isn't the man to make you feel good for very long and you know it

EmergentFaction Tue 30-Aug-16 18:47:17

That's very astute myusername.
Definitely this is all about Me and not him at all. This is just a distraction from the slight mess the rest of my life is.
And yes love etc would be nice. But that isn't practical now, and perhaps not even a possibility Ever, so I'm thinking this is better than nothing, but perhaps not. I don't know whether a nice man exists for me.

Myusernameismyusername Tue 30-Aug-16 18:52:08

You need to value yourself more than that.

Yeah I know because I have done it myself and it just took me further down the black hole of crap. I would get drunk then do all kinds of crazy stuff to feel better (never did), sleep with my terrible ex boyfriend to feel good (I never did) and sometimes you need to take a step back and stop trying to fill the hole with temporary things and deal with that is really going on.

Someone will want you but not when you only need them to feel good about yourself. That in itself just makes for crazy, dangerous, hurtful relationships

UpYerGansey Tue 30-Aug-16 18:59:53

Don't do it. REPEAT: Don't do it

You will not benefit from something like this if you are vulnerable right now. This kind of thing is ok only if you are light about it. The minute there's foreboding - step away.
I'm still getting over my "just for fun" very unsuitable (for me) man.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 30-Aug-16 19:14:21

I think you need to love your own self for a change rather than setting yourself up to be further hurt by this man. You are a magnet for all the low lifes out there who smell your low self worth, vulnerability and desperation a mile off for them to exploit. He will use you and spit you out. Not many people can generally involve themselves in casual relationships without getting over invested and or hurt. You certainly are in no place to do that without being hurt.

Is this all you think you deserve?.

Why do you feel lonely? This man is not going to help you feel any better about you. Only you can do that.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up? What sort of an example did your own parents set you?. After all, we learn about relationships first and foremost from them.

Resilience16 Tue 30-Aug-16 21:06:00

Have a little read up about hypersexuality. You might find it enlightening.

EmergentFaction Tue 30-Aug-16 23:28:50

I'm nor hypersexual.
I haven't had any good relationships so I am new to all this. I never dated when I was younger.
Fuck. What am i doing? Standing outside his house waiting: at this time. I am such a loser.

Myusernameismyusername Tue 30-Aug-16 23:33:30

Why are you outside his house?
Go home and do something constructive with your time. Read a book you always wanted or watch a really good film. Declutter your make up bag. Something that isn't sleeping with a handsome stranger to try to forget your problems. Does this poor handsome man know what he is letting himself in for?

AnyFucker Tue 30-Aug-16 23:36:33

Based on your op, I would hazard a guess that the FuckBuddy arrangement is about the least suitable arrangement for your outlook that it is possible to be

AndDontCallMeShirley Tue 30-Aug-16 23:44:26

Why are you outside his house?

How do you know where his house is if you only just met today?

This won't end well.

ImperialBlether Tue 30-Aug-16 23:46:34

You're outside his house now? Don't be daft, OP. Get yourself home and post to reassure us you're there and alone. You're worth more than this.

AnyFucker Tue 30-Aug-16 23:47:48

Giving op the benefit of the doubt, Hot Stuff invited her over for some late naughties

Hopefully. Or we have something else on our hands here. ..

AnyFucker Tue 30-Aug-16 23:49:18

I am loving the metaphorical cuffs around the ears from respondents

Get yourself home, you great daft lummox

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 31-Aug-16 00:00:39

If it's just a shag you want. Then fine. You have your desires. You're human, but. If you're expecting him to fall in love with you post shag, well. That probably ain't going to happen, so. If you can close off emotional feelings, then go for it, and have fun. grinwink.

Lottielou7 Wed 31-Aug-16 00:10:28

If you do this with a decent kind person it can work well. If you do it with someone disordered who hates women it will end up being an almighty head fuck. (Bitter experience)

I like sex a lot but ive recently decided not to have casual partners any more because I deserve better really. Some casual partners can be good friends but others feel that the 'casual' part gives them free reign to treat you like crap on the pretext of 'it's only sex - you're not allowed to complain'.

Lottielou7 Wed 31-Aug-16 00:13:08

Once you start sleeping with someone they can get control and get right under your skin.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 31-Aug-16 00:23:25

Or to be positive. It could be the start of something. My dp was AFAIWC a ONS, but 2.5 years on. Here we are. I don't think we'll ever walk up the Aisle or I'll ever have him move in, but we're doing OK.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now