Hi all ,just been overthinking my situation and keen to know if anyone else has experienced similar.I have been unhappily married for 25 years to a violent,aggressive,possesive, abusive man ,had 4 children young and then he switched on me into a monster ,ive learned to deal with that situation and now it has no affect so doesnt happen much these days ,he knows i dont love him and never have so basically enjoyed punishing me for it ,made my life hell for many years ,now the kids are all adults would be perfect for me if he left and found someone else but he wont as i am the breadwinner ,he is an alcoholic too ,i wont leave my family home either everything in it is mine what i have earned.Im in my late 40s now and slowly realised i have never been in love , never had a loving relationship, never had a healthy sexual relationship either .About a year ago i suddenly started noticing men again ,hormones craving attention ? Me craving normality ? At the same time my nails grew nice ,my hair condition improved,my skin looked good ,my weight decreased ,is this coincidence ,wasnt by choice just happened. I started noticing men looking at me more and yes it felt nice , a guy my age moved into a flat nearby,he seemed to be outside his when i passed a lot ,my husband chats to him occasionally ,i never took much notice of him really ,recently i glanced his way and he was just staring and didnt look away when i looked at him ,he didnt move ,didnt break his stare either ,thought it might be a one off but it happened a few days later again ,i looked back and carried on walking by.The next day it happened too but we locked eyes across the road as i walked near ,i didnt break my stare neither did he ,it shock me i felt it , something happened , something was there i hadnt noticed before , i went to the shops very distracted and forgot most of what i wanted because of this look . So 2 weeks have passed this kept happening ,i can see his front door from my house and if i see him going in or out he always stares across at my house without fail,i have been going out on purpose if i see him outside just to test if he looks at me and he does every time.Hes always alone ,just him and his dog ,no women around ,occasionally has 1 friend over .I find myself now very attracted to him .Recently i was coming home and he was talking to a neighbour i had to walk right by them ,he looked my way saw me approaching and with a very well timed calculated turn as i got right next to him he turned full body looked straight in my eyes and nervously said hello ,i could have died i just rushed by said hi ,grinned and looked at the floor ,i could have dropped to the floor i dont know how i managed to walk ....i thought instantly ,he looked so nervous doing that no smile just a scared expression .I have since seen him and hes gone back to staring and not been close enough to talk ,whenever ive seen him hes speaking on the phone so i cant even instigate a hello ,he does get distracted looking across at me when hes on his phone and does double take looks at me if i appear suddenly.
So ive established writing this that im interested in him , i think hes very handsome ,others probably wouldnt ,im fantasising sex with him and would really love to kiss him and hold him .I know this is dangerous with my situation but is it a lot to ask to hope for some future happiness and love ?
My dilema is do i need to be the one to make the first move to make friends with him now so he can see my home situation as it is as i feel he might just keep his distance assuming im happily married and not approachable ? Surely if he does like me i shouldnt just ignore it because my homelife isnt ideal now ? Should i make it obvious ? Help !!!!!
Sorry if ive rambled but i dont have anyone i can confide in about this as all family and friends were pushed away years ago by my vile husband .
Appreciate any advice ,suggestions that might help me as overthinking this is driving me crazy x
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I have a crush !! Im 48 and unhappily married ...help going crazy x
14 replies
Lucky68 · 30/08/2016 16:20
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