DP and I have been together for 6 years, he has lived with me for 2 years. My 16 y.o. DD lives with us, my 25 y.o. DS did too, but he moved out in March as he bought a house.
DP has two daughters from whom he is estranged, for many years. He previously lived with a woman with 3 children, and they broke up because he found the family situation too difficult. His partner allowed the children to be lazy and there was no discipline, according to DP.
We both knew this might be an issue when DP moved in, because I also struggle to set boundaries for my kids and they walk all over me. But we said we would give it a go and I did tell DP I probably could not change. I feel I have to be both mother and father to the DCs as there own father is a waste of space,
Nevertheless, The arrangement with ExH is that DD stays with him on.a Sunday, Mon & Tues evening. First of all he would have her on a Sunday which meant that DP and I could go out together for the day and have a couple of other nights on our own too. This worked for years, but now DD does not seem to want to go her fathers anymore.
This came to a head yesterday. We thought she was going to her dads so had made plans to cook together, watch Tv etc. then Dd sprang it on us that she wasn't going out and she had invited a friend round.
DP was very disappointed. Mostly he was disappointed that I did not put my foot down and tell DD that she cannot just change her arrangements just like that without thought for others. Also we have taken Dd on holiday twice over the summer and she has not been to her fathers for a month as he was away with his GF too
The problem is it feels as though DP and I get no time together on our own. But I am aware our house is DDs home and sanctuary and I did not feel comfortable to make her go to her fathers.
DP expressed how he felt, the went off to bed at 6:30 pm, telling me he is going straight from work out for a meal tonight at the local pub where many of his friends will be. I kind of don't blame him, but I feel I am between a rock and a hard place.
I feel if DP wants to move out now, this may be the best thing for him. I wonder about asking him to leave anyway, because this situation is causing me a lot of stress and I have been through hell and back with ExH 7 years ago and just don't want to live feeling worried and sick about whether I've done the wrong thing anymore.
However, I do love DP and we are very happy apart from occasional friction like this over my kids. I am not very good at relationships and don't know what to do or think.
Can anyone advise me?
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Relationships
Have I done the wrong thing?
HilarySquilary · 30/08/2016 09:05
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