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Would this bother you?

(32 Posts)
Bisquit Tue 30-Aug-16 08:30:45

DH and I got talking last night about sex and got onto the topic of masterbation.

We both regularly masterbate which doesn't affect our sex life but he admitted last night that whilst he is attracted to me he thinks about scenarios with other women during masterbation, never women he knows personally, women that are way out of reach.

Would this bother you? I didn't know what to think when he was saying this as I don't think about anyone, I'm a more visual person so I'm just wondering whether this is a normal thing for men?

Hhmyeahsuremaybe Tue 30-Aug-16 08:35:16

It's information I could do without knowing,. It wouldn't bother me

Hhmyeahsuremaybe Tue 30-Aug-16 08:37:24

It would be information I could do without knowing and it would make me feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't want it to bother me or affect our relationship though *

NotTheFordType Tue 30-Aug-16 08:58:22

Completely normal. I usually think about Tom Hiddleston grin

ElspethFlashman Tue 30-Aug-16 09:00:35

Normal. Let's hope DH never asks who I think about!

MoosLikeJagger Tue 30-Aug-16 09:04:09

Normal. I think about other men sometimes. I assume DH thinks about other women sometimes. Although, must admit, I'd rather not hear him say so. I'm a delicate flower.

Bisquit Tue 30-Aug-16 09:11:42

Thank you for your replies, I'm not going to allow it to affect our relationship, I was just shocked at the detail and honesty from him talking about what he thinks about, I told him I'd rather not know and we changed the subject.

Tinkerbec Tue 30-Aug-16 09:12:06

Yes it would bother me. Very much so.

I am not foolish to thing it doesn't happen to me want to cry.

I don't do it. So it makes me want to be single though I love oh very much.

Wish he could be satisfied with just me. Why do other people need to come into it. They don't for me.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Tue 30-Aug-16 10:33:32

My DP and I both do this in fantasies. Coincidentally we share a similar one in that the other partner is there performing but that there is another present. Mine are worse, as it's not just another one, it's a group. blush

Ok, it's uncomfortable for you to hear, but it's not "yes every time it's Sally from the office" kind of confession, and more a variety of characters then I'd be less worried. It's escapism.

I'd prefer upfront honesty, than some stories I hear where posters hear adamantly that their partners never masturbate or fantasise or watch anything erotic. In my very personal opinion I never tend to believe that.

TheNaze73 Tue 30-Aug-16 10:42:30

I wouldn't trust anyone, who claimed to only dedicate it, to their current partner. Total BS!

Did he bring it up OP, to be manipulative or did you ask & get an honest answer?

whattodowiththepoo Tue 30-Aug-16 11:00:05

I would be very happy with the honesty and trust.

OpenMe Tue 30-Aug-16 11:10:26

I think I probably know/expect that's the case but I'd prefer not to have it spelled out. But if you asked...

MyWineTime Tue 30-Aug-16 11:13:51

I don't think it's a problem but I don't know if that level of honesty is helpful.
I do fantasise about all kind of things that I have no interest in doing but I wouldn't tell DH - he's the only one I want!

singleandfabulous Tue 30-Aug-16 11:17:49

Perfectly normal. I read somewhere that most men fantasise about their colleagues the most.

I agree with others though that it's not something you'd share with a loved one as it can be hurtful.

Thinking about something and actually doing it are very different things. You can't police someone's mind.

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 11:22:20

I agree with a previous poster, it's something I would rather not know - but in theory it's perfectly normal. I think about others occasionally while I masturbate, but I still think it would bother me to KNOW that my DP did, IYSWIM?

OxyThroatSkin Tue 30-Aug-16 11:26:48

Perfectly normal. I read somewhere that most men fantasise about their colleagues the most

Academic paper by any chance?

Ciderandskatesdontmix Tue 30-Aug-16 11:29:51

I agree with would bother me, but only because it's a level of information that I really don't need! I know my oh occasionally watches porn, but I'd rather not know when he does it IYSWIM. Maybe in future, don't ask questions that you really don't want to know the answer to!

Bisquit Tue 30-Aug-16 12:09:02

I didn't ask, he just admitted to doing this within the conversation.

Nice to know that it's normal though although not something that I would want to share with him.

magicmo Tue 30-Aug-16 12:19:43

Wouldn't bother me at all. I fantasise about all sorts of people and things when masturbating and during sex with DH. I assumed everyone did really. DH and I don't really discuss it with each other though, but I don't think I'd feel too hurt or put out if he told me directly.

Tinkerbec Tue 30-Aug-16 12:26:12

Any advice on how to handle it?

It makes me dick at the thought.

I would rather know. Not be ignorant. It still happens. Me not knowing doesn't mske it go away. It makes it worse.

I need help putting it into perspective.

I don't do it. Is it too much to ask for the sane in return.

SexNamesRFab Tue 30-Aug-16 12:36:03

Tinker - great typo blush

TheNaze73 Tue 30-Aug-16 12:55:01

Cracking up at the typo tinker

I think if he volunteered it, without the need to say it, he could be trying to headfuck you but, I doubt it. As someone said, you can't control his mind. As long as he knows you're uncomfortable with him staying stuff then fine but, if you want 100% honesty in a relationship, you'll inevitably hear things you won't like

Musings101 Tue 30-Aug-16 12:59:25

What would be the point of thinking of your OH? The whole idea of fantasizing is just that.

Tinkerbec Tue 30-Aug-16 13:47:08

It just seems so sad.

Sorry for the typo grin

I meant the same!

I have always struggled with it. I doubt he would tell me who though. confusedsmile

RepentAtLeisure Tue 30-Aug-16 14:12:23

Do you only think about him OP? That seems a bit of a waste of alone quality time to me! grin

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