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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Our male friend has been punched and kicked by his IH, he's coming here today, how best can we help?

(9 Posts)
Hyresy Tue 30-Aug-16 07:41:08

He called last night and sounded dreadful.

I just want some tips on what to say or not to say... My OH won't be back for a couple of hours so it'll just be me. I'm so cross with his OH (we don't know her very well but she has a vile temper).

tribpot Tue 30-Aug-16 07:46:49

Don't minimise, encourage him to report the domestic violence. He can talk to the Men's Advice Line.

How long has he been with her? Does he need medical attention?

angeldiver Tue 30-Aug-16 07:48:16

What is an IH?

Runoutoftime16 Tue 30-Aug-16 07:52:04

Encourage him to document by calling the police especially if they have children.

Hyresy Tue 30-Aug-16 07:52:11

Sorry OH!!!!

He's been with her for 19 years. He won't leave her, because of the kids who are 16 and 18. It just don't happen and I worry if we say that he will tell us less and we won't know what's going on. So worried about him.

He's also mentioned things like she mimics him, calls him names etc. On Friday she smashed his room up (they have separate rooms) and now he's sleeping in a room with no bed frame because it's broken. Feel so helpless and don't know how to help him.

She's like this maybe every 4 weeks so not every day. Usually he says she is just grumpy.

angeldiver Tue 30-Aug-16 08:06:22

Point him in the direction of ManKind Initiative, an organisation for men suffering domestic violence.

Footle Tue 30-Aug-16 08:12:52

It's surprising that the children haven't called the police.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 30-Aug-16 08:13:07

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. He needs to talk to Mens Advice Line as listed by another respondent and also the Police. What is happening here is totally unacceptable regardless of gender.

It is precisely because of his children that he should leave her; he is also doing his bit here to show these people that this is how people treat others in relationships. Either one of them could end up in a violent relationship because those are the lessons imparted to these young people (who will now likely leave home asap never to return willingly). He is showing them that a loveless relationship is their norm too.

Abusive people are not horrible all the time and can present a plausible front to the outside world. He is highly afraid of her, fear also keeps people within such relationships and continues to minimise her abuse behaviours by calling her grumpy.

DownTownAbbey Tue 30-Aug-16 08:26:09

Every 4 weeks sounds like she could have some hormonal problem. Whilst in no way excusing this maybe with treatment she can be helped? either way she's gone way beyond too far laying hands on him. What if she throws a brick at him in a fit of temper? His kids might have to attend his funeral and visit their mum in prison. Good luck x

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