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Dumped again

(11 Posts)
ProYaffle Mon 29-Aug-16 21:34:53

I'm gutted, this morning, it happened again, I've been dumped.
I'd been with him for two years and to start with our relationship was great. He was kind, loving, open, everything I wanted. Then his divorce started. He became very bitter and guarded over his emotions, he said he didn't know if he could ever love anyone again - this was may 2015. I've been feeling totally insecure since then, constantly worried he'd dump me and I never got any reassurance otherwise. I never got any emotion back from him and not once in 2 years did he say he loved me, only that he wasn't sure he ever could. I've regularly been hurt by his non feelings, constant rejection (in the bedroom too), and the fact that he never said or did anything nice to me, but I loved him and I (and he allegedly) were hopeful he could become that loving, kind person again. Until yesterday when he said he wanted to be on his own and not see me that night. Rejected and hurt again I went home. Today he has said he's got no emotion to give me and is better off on his own, he doesn't want a lifelong partner and it's best we say goodbye. I'm devastated. I've been there through thick and thin, his divorce, awkward kids, death of his father and just when things were getting on track for his life, I'm pushed away. I don't know how to feel, hurt, angry, used but mainly gutted. I've wasted two years of my life 18 months of which hoping that things will get better when the divorce was over, when his work was less stressful, when the kids weren't being so difficult etc. I feel a bit stupid too for letting it carry on, hoping it'd be worth it in the end if I could just have that person back that I first met 2 years ago.
Sorry for rambling, needed to get this off my chest in an attempt to feel better.

Coconutty Mon 29-Aug-16 21:36:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 Mon 29-Aug-16 22:03:16

It does sound like you will be better off without him OP. Relationships should help relieve your stress not be the cause of it. He probably needs counselling as he sounds so scarred from his previous relationship but, that's not your issue.

ProYaffle Mon 29-Aug-16 22:06:30

He had two or three counselling sessions last year, which he attended 'for us' but decided he didn't need it and wouldn't go to any more even though I suggested he did.

Resilience16 Mon 29-Aug-16 22:11:36

It's only two years wasted if you learn nothing from it.
This guy said clearly to you he didn't think he could love anyone. He didn't say he loved you. He constantly rejected you.
You chose to ignore all these red flags and hope that some miraculous happy ending would appear.....
Optimism is good, but so is being realistic.
Big girl panties on, draw a line under this one, go NC,lick your wounds and ask yourself why you chose to try and have a relationship with some one who never did or said anything nice to you. You deserve better than that.
Work on your self esteem, do the freedom programme so you can identify and avoid bad relationship choices in the future, and be glad you dodged a bullet in this one after two years rather than 4 or 10.
Good luck x

ProYaffle Mon 29-Aug-16 22:14:56

Thanks both, my sister and best friend have both said the same thing. I'm just so hurt right now, my self worth and self esteem are rock bottom through his rejections and lack of emotion towards me, he even said a few weeks ago there was nothing in the relationship for me as he couldn't give me anything back. I don't know why I'm so upset about it after all that, but I suppose I was hanging on to the hope things would get better and better worth if in the end. Just me and my cat from now on!

wobblywonderwoman Mon 29-Aug-16 22:15:38

I wouldnt think its wasted. You will toughen up. You will be note careful next time and I really think you will meet a good person because you sound like a good person.
He has been selfish and that's not a nice trait in a person. Let him live his miserable life.
I went out with someone very selfish for six years and it took a while to get over but I did flowers

ProYaffle Mon 29-Aug-16 22:23:42

Yes, of course that all makes perfect sense resilience16, but when after each big rejection he apologised and made an effort for a short while, I was ever hopeful. And when the divorce was finished I thought he would have time to mend and become the person I fell in love with again - I know now that was stupid and unrealistic. As someone once said to me, the person who loves the most will always get hurt the most - i guess that's true. I've just googled the freedom programme, think I may do it, thank you for that. X

ProYaffle Mon 29-Aug-16 22:30:48

You are right wobblywonderwoman, selfish is one of the words I have used to describe him in my head in the past. He told me today what a wonderful, kind and amazing person I am and that we don't deserve each other - that didn't make me feel much better tbh

LellyMcKelly Tue 30-Aug-16 00:54:41

You have to listen to him and believe him. He's not the one for you.

SandyY2K Tue 30-Aug-16 01:55:22

As others have said you ignored the signs but he won't be a loss to you. In fact he's done you a favour.

I've regularly been hurt by his non feelings, constant rejection (in the bedroom too), and the fact that he never said or did anything nice to me

These were your clues to end the relationship. Perhaps they were also his way of actually getting you to end it, so he wouldn't have to, so he wouldn't look like the bad guy. In the end he was forced to pull the plug.

What were you getting from the relationship by being rejected and having a boyfriend who never does or says anything nice for you or to you?

This type of relationship will only damage your self esteem and knock your confidence.

Don't ever put up with a man treating you like crap

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