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In love with my neighbour and he's 67

(90 Posts)
Hareebip Mon 29-Aug-16 20:29:53

The title says it all really. I'm 33, and I'm in love with a man who lives on my street (not literally a neighbour). Background as to how it happened was that one day I had a parcel delivered to my address that was meant for his address. We got talking and he used to work in the same industry I am in (it's quite niche). He still does some consultant based work now on an ad hoc basis so we had lots to talk about. The next time I saw him walking back from the shop and said hello. This was a year ago and within a couple of weeks we were having dinner at each other's houses. He lives on his own but has 3 children he sees quite often.

I know it sounds crazy but within a couple of months I started to think I had fallen in love with him. He told me he loved me about three months after knowing me, (we'd never even kissed at this point). I've never told him I love him. Since about 8 months ago we have kissed and everything else. I love him dearly.

Obviously, at 67 he's not looking for the things I am. I know we can't be together. The connection we have is amazing and I did go into this with my eyes open, and I should have stopped it sooner, I know. He makes me laugh SO much and we have such an amazing time together.

But I know I can't do this. How do I deal with this situation I have got myself into? How do you get over someone and end something that doesn't need to end for any reason other than practically? I want children, clearly he's done that. I love him and it's going to break my heart not to see him. How do I deal with the fact he is on my street?

Feel completely alone with all of this, and don't know where to turn. Nobody knows about us either because we didn't want the criticism that we would get... I'm definitely not embarrassed about him, it was just an easy way of doing things. I don't want to not be in his life.

I'm rambling because I'm upset and mind is a mess. Any advice would help.

6demandingchildren Mon 29-Aug-16 21:03:11

Don't know how to help but you know the situation so us love enough?
Enjoy your happiness while you Can xx

Resilience16 Mon 29-Aug-16 21:16:28

If you both think you love each other, and you both get on so well I would say go for it and just take it as it comes.
Has he definitely said he doesn't want more kids? There are no guarantees in life, how do you know you can even have kids? Don't mean that in a mean way, just trying to say you are prepared to give up happiness now for something that may or may not happen in the future with some hypothetical someone else ?
Only you know what is a deal breaker for you. Follow your heart.
Good luck x

Hareebip Mon 29-Aug-16 21:16:54

I want a family and I couldn't have that with him, I'd just be planning on a life on my own. I just don't know how to get over it. He's such a wonderful man, makes me so happy.

Hareebip Mon 29-Aug-16 21:18:28

It's the age that also worries me... There's things he most likely won't be interested in sharing with me. I can't imagine what they'd be now, but just trying to be realistic I suppose.

loveyoutothemoon Mon 29-Aug-16 21:23:22

Ask him if he would like to be a dad to your child?

Hareebip Mon 29-Aug-16 21:25:17

I'm scared to ask that because my heart will break if he says no...

I know that's pathetic

Resilience16 Mon 29-Aug-16 21:59:17

You need to know one way or the other.He is probably having similar thoughts and worries as you, so you really do need to talk about it.
I understand your worry re the age thing, but again there are no guarantees in life, no one knows what's waiting round the next corner .

SleepingTiger Mon 29-Aug-16 22:03:03

Could you have a child anyway?
There are ways.
And live together knowing that statistically you may outlive him, but that you would still be young enough to find someone else if you wanted to.
It does not have to be a 'perfect' world, it is indefinable anyway, you just have to put into it those things that work for you now and don't overthink it.

JennyOnAPlate Mon 29-Aug-16 22:03:34

In all honesty op I think you need to cut all contact and move on. I know that sounds very harsh, but if you want children and want a man to raise your children with, you need to end it.

Having said that, it depends how strong your desire for children is.

jeaux90 Mon 29-Aug-16 22:57:31

Do you feel compelled to make a decision now? You are still young with plenty of time so why not enjoy the love for what it is now. Maybe you reach a pivotal point in the future and a decision will be more obvious and easy. Good luck X

DontMindMe Mon 29-Aug-16 23:02:33

I have recently fallen for someone, and couldn't envisage life without him now. You should follow your heart, and see where it takes you. You cant help who you fall in love with, and love does conquer all.

I wish you the very best of luck

Hareebip Mon 29-Aug-16 23:16:36

Thank you everyone!! These posts are helpful. I'm a bit of a cynic really and, truth be told, I'm looking at it as if I had read about it or it was happening to someone else.

I just really and truly love the bones of him and he's not perfect by any means, but he fills my heart with such joy. I want a family though and maybe I need to have this chat with him...

Justaboy Tue 30-Aug-16 14:37:18

Well thats a hell of an age gap. I was involved in a 19 year one and marriage of the same duration but it worked for the greater part now if a 33 Y/O was hitting on me I'd have to think long and hard about that sort of gap!. I think its up to him and you to decide between you what you want to do be that just enjoy each others company come to a realisation that it many not last just be friends and that's easier said than done!.

As to children?. I note that old Mick Shagger at the age of 73 years is having his eighth child with a 29 year old and no great public outcry;!

Sootsprites Tue 30-Aug-16 14:42:36

I'm in a similar yet very different situation but I too love someone very much and if I want to be with them I have to give up certain things I don't want to and theres some big looming issues. But I'm very, very much in love and I'm just going along with it because the alternative is to break my own heart now and what good would that do?
Sorry to be blunt but nothing in life is guaranteed, you could die before him. You could leave him and fibd the perfect man, and he die days after your wedding. I kbow they are terrible thibgs but my point is, nothing is set in stone and if you've found happiness hold onto it.

DavidMather Tue 30-Aug-16 15:51:41

he fills my heart with such joy - that's such a beautiful sentiment.

There is always too much sadness on this forum - if that is how he makes you feel then don't let go of it - work for it - have that conversation and see what you can work out.

Hareebip Tue 30-Aug-16 19:49:17

Thanks so much for replies.

I love him so much, it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's quiet love, trusting, caring and full to the brim of laughter. When I'm apart from him I don't feel sad really, because I'm still ' all me', unlike some relationships where you end up fitting in to the other person's habits a bit. It's the best relationship I've ever been in. I can't even really explain it.

I guess I'm scared of what's to come. I mentioned to him earlier about the future and I think neither of us had any long term ideas when we first started seeing each other! I'm not sure he's really considered if.

Should I tell him I love him?

Hareebip Tue 30-Aug-16 19:49:56

*considered it

WetPaint4 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:04:09

Oh man, this makes me want to cry, people have said some lovely things. You should definitely tell him you love him. Talk to him about your feelings and take it from there but don't let this go unless you absolutely have to. I am in love, it's wonderful. I can't have him but I wouldn't erase the days of seeing him and smiling with him. I never even told him and I can't now, it would be deeply inappropriate it's too late but I wish I had. You have someone who truly loves you, make it work for as long as you can and just enjoy it smile

Hareebip Tue 30-Aug-16 20:26:55

God do people really think I should be so honest?! I thought it was crazy until I've read these replies. I'm usually so cynical!

We write letters to each other. He's honestly made me see all the good in life and I want to go round there now and ask him to be in my life for always...

P1nkP0ppy Tue 30-Aug-16 20:34:07

Go for it op!
You need to take the opportunity or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting not doing so.
Ok, it's a big age gap but I know of a couple in the same situation and they've got two children!

Good luck 💐

timelytess Tue 30-Aug-16 20:38:10

If you take up with a 33 year old, he might get knocked down by a bus.

If you breed with a man of 67, you know he probably won't see your children grow up - but in the meantime, will he have loved you and them with his whole heart, as you will have loved him?

He might get ill and be dependent. So might anyone.

I don't know. Usually I'm ruthlessly practical. Tonight, I just want people who love each other to be together.

timelytess Tue 30-Aug-16 20:39:19

Do tell him you love him, whether you decide to stay with him or not. He probably already knows.

Hareebip Tue 30-Aug-16 20:46:09

I think he does already know. He's said things mid conversation when we've been laughing and and he's not noticed what's been said... If that even makes sense?!

I'm worried about his kids... He had them in his late forties so they're not that old, though they've all left home. I don't want to upset anyone and he's very close to them. I think my cynical head is telling me of everything that might go wrong, and the fact that the two people I've told IRL have said I'm basically signing up to a life of being alone, and knowingly doing so (ie it could happen to anyone but in this case I know what's coming).

Feel conflicted because I want to be with him so much but worried I will get to 40 and think what have I done and then be in a mess... But this is the cynical me. I've never ever felt this way about anyone and it's changing my views on love (god I sound horribly soppy!!)

Lelloteddy Tue 30-Aug-16 20:59:43

The thing is at 67 he could still be around in 30 years time.
There are no guarantees in life. You need to tell him how you feel.

If kids are a real deal breaker then that needs to be discussed at some point but true love is rare and special and sacred and you'd be crazy to throw it away for a load of what ifs.
Heck YOU could be the one run over by a bus tomorrow.

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