Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice on separation and finance

(3 Posts)
user1472418611 Sun 28-Aug-16 22:28:20

My husband and I seperated about 2 months ago as things were just not working between us, and hadn't been for some time.
Around 4 years ago,he left his well paid job due to stress making him ill and was on antidepressants for a period of time. It took him around a year to get back into the workplace and he took a minimum wage job on a zero hours contract, but doing something which he enjoyed. I am a higher earner and at the time was happy to support him taking such a huge wage drop, but the hours he was working (including most weekends and late evenings) meant we weren't seeing much of each other which was really the start of our problems.
The intention was that he would do this for a year or so, then look to progress or find a more stable and better paid job, but this didn't happen. Over the last 6 months he started spending 2 or 3 evenings a week going out with colleagues after work, cutting into our time together even more, then he started spending the odd night booking a hotel near work as he had a very late finish - this was the final straw - it was actually costing us (me) money for him to work!
I have my suspicions that there is someone else (strongly denied) but at this stage I'm past caring and just need to move on. I instigated a "chat" 2 months ago to discuss, but he just wasn't interested and stormed out saying he didn't love me any more and it was all over.
2 months later, he is doing nothing to progress our divorce - I have taken legal advice and I am unable to kick him out of the house, but he is refusing to pay towards any of the bills as he claims he needs ALL his money for travel and food, and that he won't leave the marital home as he would be homeless. He is home late (towards midnight) each night and leaves early each morning, but it's driving me nuts that I'm expected to pay all the bills while he just lives here rent free.
We have no children to consider, I am looking to sell the house (no equity which he doesn't believe) but he is refusing to help with jobs which need doing and expects it to be me who sorts everything - he hasn't responded to my solicitor and keeps telling me he can't discuss money without taking legal advice, yet has only had an initial session with a solicitor and not returned their paperwork to ask them to act on his behalf.
I have contacted a mediation service for an initial assessment
He is talking about claiming maintenance - is this even possible given he chose to take such a badly paying job?
I just want to move on, but feel like I don't know where to turn!
Apologies for the long post, but does anyone have any advice - I'm just feeling so low and need to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

HeddaGarbled Sun 28-Aug-16 22:58:02

Start the divorce. Get the house on the market. Organise any basic repairs that need doing to get the house marketable. You won't have to pay him maintenance - that's for children. Don't bother with mediation, there's nothing to mediate if there's no equity and no children.

user1472418611 Mon 29-Aug-16 07:26:30

Thank you - my solicitor has advised I go through mediation to finalise financials such as his rights to my pension etc.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now