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Dont even know how to title this.

4 replies

k2411 · 28/08/2016 16:19

As above, hardly know where to start. H and I split late last year, we had been having issues mainly lack of communication being the main problem, resulting in him sulking and having bad moods which resulted in my anxiety problem going through the roof.

He told me he will love me forever but just can not live the way we had been so he moved out. There has been no one else that I know of.

Along with this my mother is extremely controlling and will not hold back on what she has to say. Its me who gets the brunt of this and she is basically very critical of everything I do. Im 36 and she will still shout and give me a row infront of my DC.

I miss my H deeply and although im not sure its the right thing to try and work it out I cant even speak to my mum as she slags him off and at one point told me she would wash her hands of me?

H can be quite controlling too and even though he has left, nothing has changed as I m under her control kind off, I don't want to upset her but im getting to the point I don't want to spend time with her either.

I feel ive been holding back from trying to sort things out with H for fear of her and also the 2 of them together with me stuck in the middle.

I cant even talk to her as I tried to say the way she speaks to me is awful and I cant take it anymore, this was turned around to the way I treat her?? I cant win.

How can I stop this and get a back bone to live the life I want to live. Im sick of keeping them pleased by having me unhappy and anxious.

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Champers4Pampers · 28/08/2016 16:27

Hi,
I don't really have much to add but just wanted to say I can sympathise with your situation.
I have a difficult relationship with my mother. She's very controlling and emotionally abusive. I find it hard to stand up to her, I'm a people pleaser and can't say no to her.
This has resulted in many arguments between me & DH. He hates the fact I don't/can't stand up to her & quite often I feel like I'm stuck between her & him.
I'll be interested to hear other people's opinions on this.

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k2411 · 28/08/2016 16:43

You do sound exactly like me. H and I used to just play along to keep her happy but now she is just so hurtful. She speaks about me horribly to me about something I have that I can not help.

I miss my H as I used to be able to speak to him about her. See no future with anything at the minute, Someone has asked me out and my first thought is what will my mum say. I thought if I try to move on with life it would help me get over H. I just don't know what to do, I almost feel like just running away.

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NotTheFordType · 28/08/2016 16:46

I hear you.

A read of Toxic Parents may help you wrt your mum.

If you have been with a controller since childhood then it's no wonder you ended up with a controlling partner. It doesn't sound like going back to your H would be good for you.

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k2411 · 28/08/2016 16:52

I think that also, but I just really miss him being here, I just really want to be the family we were but it would be a nightmare her and him together and im too anxious to go through that. I just want to feel happy and relaxed. I cant not even go for a night out and shes at the judging. She doesn't act this way with anyone else or my siblings.